[Pictured: J.J Abrams (right) with his father.]

J.J. Abrams, the creator of Lost and Felicity and Alias and the director of The Mission Impossible III and Star Trek: Turn Off The Dark has been tapped to direct a new Space Balls movie! Apparently, he will be updating it a little for the kids, so now Pizza the Hut will be Papa John’s The Hut, and instead of saying “May the Schwartz be with you,” the beloved character Yogurt will now say “May the Samsung Galaxy Evernote III SmartPad be SEXT you.” All in all, very exciting nerds I MEAN NEWS.

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Comments (40)
  1. My first thought on finding out he’s doing the new Star Wars: “Meh, after the last set of ‘new Star Wars’ who cares?”
    My first thought on reading this headline: “WHAT?!?! NOOOOO!!!!!!! ONLY MEL BROOKS!!!!!!”

    • I think it’s worth caring that one of the biggest “creators” of our time in film is little more than a private corporation with a focus group in his head, determined to make the most mundane, marketable, slick, empty entertainments, but which are just deceptive enough to put him above the likes of Michael Bay.

  2. I think we should all just breathe a huge sigh of relief that we aren’t living in a world where “Star Wars: A Michael Bay Production” is a thing.

  3. I am looking forward to the introduction of the new Jedi named S’moke M’onster.

  4. Man, I was holding out hope for Kathryn Bigelow.

  5. I am very much looking forward to walking into my local comic book shop today, yelling “I told you so!” and see how my friend who defended Disney buying Star Wars, but who also loaths JJ Abrams, defends this.

  6. RECAST!

    Lone Star: Hot Young Hollywood Actor of the Month
    Barf: CGI John Candy (Andy Serkis)
    Princess Vespa: Hot Young Hollywood Actress of the Month or A Talking Vespa
    Dot Matrix: An Old Modem That Makes the Dial Up Noise
    Yogurt: I don’t know, Vern Troyer?
    Darth Helmet: One of those guys from Big Bang Theory

    • I’m going to go ahead and give my cast ideas but I must say, they better not touch Spaceballs. For realz. I just watched it with my son yesterday, and I kind of forgot how many F-bombs they drop but I did remember that it’s funny and I love it. So, with that said,

      Lone Star: Bill Hader
      Barf: Zach Galifinakis
      Princess Vespa: Aubrey Plaza
      Dot Matrix: Kathy Griffin
      Yogurt/President Skroob: JJ Abrams
      Darth Helmet: Rick Moranis (I’m sorry, there’s just no one else who can play this part)

  7. You guys, this is the worst. :(

    Like a month ago he said he would not. And now here he goes.

    It’s a fucking betrayal for people like me who ONLY like Star Trek and FUCKING HATE STAR WARS SO MUCH.

    FORGET YOU JJ.

  8. This news is helping heal my wounds from Fringe ending.

  9. It does seem a little silly that he’s doing this, since he already kind of incorporated the Star Wars spirit into the Star Trek reboot, but whatevs. I’m inherently skeptical of a new Star Wars movie to begin with, but I have enjoyed things that JJ Abrams has made so it’s entirely possible that he’ll make something worthwhile. And if not, it can’t possibly be worse than the prequels! And if it is somehow worse than the prequels, we’ll always have the original trilogy.

    • I don’t think silly is the word for it. The cynical flattening of culture, the hyper-commodification?

    • I think Abrams always wanted to do Star Wars, thought it was impossible, and took Star Trek as a consolation prize. Then surprisingly he could direct Star Wars! I think I would be excited for this if he hadn’t already done Star Trek. I love the new Star Trek and it makes me sad that he’ll be abandoning it.

      Also, is this actually fully confirmed? I want it to be a troll instead.

  10. Joss Whedon is all like

  11. It’s been a full 40 minutes and there has not been one lens flare crack. I love you guys.

  12. I wonder what Rick Moranis is up to these days.

  13. I am so tempted to preemptively make my own nerdy Star Wars movie like those deranged fans do. You guys can all be in it.

  14. FUCKING NERD ALERT LIKE WHOA Y’ALL:

    God, I feel all alone in the world. I think Disney buying Star Wars was a brilliant move, particularly on the heels of The Avengers being really fucking good when it had no business being so, on paper.
    And JJ is sort of perfect for Star Wars? He’s really good at humanizing characters and making them relatable. He took a series I was never particularly fond of (Star Trek) and modernized it and made me LOVE it?

    If there is something a sequel of Star Wars would absolutely require, it would be making me actually giving a shit about the characters in that universe again, which the prequels OBVIOUSLY failed miserably at. It would also need some modernizing, much in the same way Star Trek did. Star Wars fans, largely, are a lot of adults who grew up loving them and want to see the story grow with them. Targeting the stories to kids DOESN’T FLY clearly, so I’m really optimistic that JJ will do this, being a fan himself.

    I just feel so lonely in my geeky as fuck assignment. I feel 12 all over again.

    • Not sure why I wrote “assignment” there. Totally meant to say “excitement”? Which makes a shit ton more sense?

      This is what I get for staying up until 4 AM perfecting my blue meth recipe.

    • I’m not really for or against the purchase by Disney or this JJ Abrams move, but it’s always nice to see someone not have a stick up their bum because the whole Star Wars reboot isn’t going according to what their pure vision of the franchise should be.

      • I agree. I’m a fan of both Star Trek and Star Wars, yet not to the extent that I obsess over every little detail (unless they involve Cumberbatch, then all bets are off.) I enjoyed the Star Trek reboot. I’ll be interested to see what JJ Abrams does with Star Wars too. The prequels were lackluster, so let’s see what someone else can do with that world.

  15. It doesn’t matter because it will never live up to any expectations anyone might have for it because Star Wars nerds are insatiable dingus heads who will forever compare it to a trilogy of films that were created before they were born. I mean not even a trilogy because they don’t like half the shit in the original trilogy anyway.

  16. I say he just collapses the Star Wars/Star Trek universes, if only to piss off nerds everywhere.

  17. I don’t forgive him for Lost. Please keep him away from the script.

  18. This could be good! Or this could be terrible…

    Oh who cares anymore? I’m just waiting for the original theatrical version on DVD to come down in price from ONE HUNDRED FLIPPING DOLLARS!!!

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