Hey guys! How was everyone’s day today? I hope yours is going well, but no matter how well it’s going I don’t think it could be going any better than Manti Te’o's. I’m sorry! That’s just how the cookie crumbles. Sometimes you have the best day and sometimes Manti Te’o has the best day, during which he appears on Katie Couric’s daytime talk show Katie and successfully (not successfully) convinces everyone in America that he had no idea the girl he was dating for over a year before she died did not exist and was not dead and was actually a man, and also let the world know, finally, that he is “far from gay, FAR FROM IT!” [Ed note: Good sentence, Kelly, perfect length!] Hahah. You have no idea how much fake internet pussy this guy gets on the reg. “Didn’t you hear how long I stayed on the phone with the guy doing a girl voice while he was not actually in the hospital? Please.” To be fair, though, he brought with him some of the voicemails his fake girlfriend left for him and they DO sound very feminine. I think he put it best when he said, ”Sounds like a woman. Incredible talent to do.” Hahahaha. Ahhh! Just a truly incredible talent to do. I’ve never heard anyone do that talent any better than this guy. I’ve heard a lot of people do it and he does it with the very best of them. [Ed. note: Possible follow up story: how much fun did that little boy have making the phone calls to the football player pretending to be his sick girlfriend? Is he sad that he cannot have this kind of fun anymore? Send link to: Slate, BuzzFeed, Salon, Andrew Sullivan.] Oh, Manti. You’re a diamond in the sky [Ed. note: "diamond in the sky"?] and I’m not sure that any of us will ever understand you or the truth behind your hoax, but do know that we all appreciate it very much. [Ed. note: Kelly, this is a good start to your post, but you don't even mention the part in the interview where Manti Te'O explains to Katie Couric about a particularly "emotional" voicemail that he got from the other little boy pretending to be the woman in which she complains that she called and another woman answered the phone, to which Manti Te'O responded this was impossible because he locks his door every night, which a) is already in and/of itself hilarious because what is he talking about and also why does it sound like he has to lock his door for fear that a woman will come in and kiss him on the mouth. Use details like this to color your posts. Another good joke to make would be to make Manti Te'O say, "I told her that was impossible because girls don't exist." Jokes like that are very funny. Let's just not run this post today, but you did a great job on this practice post and we'll run one of your blog posts tomorrow! Great work, though. You will get there!]

So. Clearly your day has not been Manti Te’o's, but how was it anyway?

Comments (188)
  1. Uh-oh. Is Kelly getting fired for real this time?

  2. More like Manti GAY’o, amirite?

    /imnotrite

  3. I stepped on a nail last night and I pulled it out by myself and it hurt a lot and I told Kelly about it on gchat but she never responded and it still hurts now, even worse, because Kelly ignored my ghcat about stepping on a nail last night.

  4. Seeing as my biggest embarrassment of the day came from trying to redeem a free Starbucks drink at a Starbucks that doesn’t do free drinks, I’m having a much better day than Manti Te’o.

    • is that even allowed? That doesn’t seem like it should be allowed.

      • Last I checked the customer was always right, amirite? (rhetorical, I am a customer so of course iamrite)

        • I think it’s more a technical issue than anything. They stopped mailing out free drink postcards and they put them on your rewards card instead (for your supposed “convenience”), so if the store doesn’t have the right kind of register then they can’t redeem your drinks for you. :(

    • Ooooof, I work in a hospital that has a non-participating Starbucks and it SUCKS. Always getting tricked with that shit.

      • I used to work at a non-participating Starbucks. It was always a treat having to explain that we didn’t take, for seemingly no reason, whatever kind of Starbucks coupon everyone expected to use. Wouldn’t trade the experience 4 the world.

        • Yeah, I imagine people must be pretty awful. I promise I was not angry or mean when I found out, just sad and embarrassed (because I go to that Starbucks multiple times a week and somehow didn’t try and redeem a free drink reward until today)

        • ME TOO. It was the worst. “Why won’t my Starbucks VIP Whatever Card Thing get me free soy milk??????” “Because you’re at Target, sir.”

        • Yesterday a store wouldn’t let me buy a DVD because it wouldn’t scan. I don’t get it. I have worked a lot of retail jobs — I have nine PhDs in CASH REGISTER OPERATION, thank you — and there is always, like, a fake UPC code you can scan in for “Miscellaneous Merch” and then you type in whatever price you want. And I was the BEST at retail because I would sell you any fucking thing you found in that store. Plus it’s a FREE coffee, so why don’t I just make it, hand it to you, take your coupon, and throw it out? THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT THIS PLACE I HATE, BUT AT LEAST I MADE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT and that is the whole point of retail.

    • UPDATE: everyone can rest easy now, I got my free drink at a different Starbucks! Hooray!

      • Did they spell your name right?

        • Nope! My name is a somewhat uncommon spelling (Katelyn) so I almost never see it spelled right.

          • I feel you. Mine has an extra silent letter (it’s not an English name) so as long as they tell me what the drink is, I’m settled.

            It sucks when not all Starbucks’ are equal. Like the ones in Barnes & Nobleses don’t take Starbucks cards. Although they offer 10% off with a member discount, I would like to use the money on my card.

            I buy plain coffee or the vanilla blonde (blonde with vanilla syrup) and when I get my free drink I get the fanciest drink possible. I’m allergic (not intolerant, but very allergic) to something in milk and since they now charge VIP coffee drinkers extra to put soy milk in drinks, I’ve gotten a little sneaky with the soymilk caraffe.

            Your move, Starbucks.

  5. Not a bad day! I am still tired from my trip to CA last weekend, because I did not sleep very much. It was fun having lunch with Imsteph and Manooshi! And I got to buy more records than I can afford and swim in the ocean! So, tired but still happy from a good trip.

    • Funny story from our lunch. We were eating tacos outside and I recognized someone I know from my bookstore walking past us on the sidewalk. manooshi was telling a story so I didn’t feel the need to interrupt, but when she was done, I pointed at him and said, “Hey, I know that guy.” He was about twenty feet away by then, and topknot asked, “Wait, what’s his name?” It turns out we both know that guy!

      Haha no one cares, but this coincidence kind of blew my mind. You can stop reading now, everyone, except for you topknot!

      Anyway, @topknot, I saw him on Tuesday and told him all this, and he knew you and remembered your band and was flattered that you spoke well of his reputation in music. I’m Facebook friends with him now, and you are our 1 mutual friend! Isn’t that fun? Of all the people I know, you are the only one I could’ve been eating tacos with who would have recognized him from behind.

      Great seeing you and manooshi and the future Mrs. TK!

      • I kept reading because I’m still jealous about that lunch. Stupid job, keeping me from attending important social functions. I should have just quit.

      • That’s great! He’s such a cool guy, and I’m pretty flattered he remembered me! Thanks Steph!

      • I love this story so much, but mostly because it totally proves my mom’s theory (probably not my mom but the first time I heard it in the Queen’s English) that the same kinds of people tend to enjoy similar interests and the world is significantly less small if self-selecting groups are allowed to exist.

        All of this being said, I spent last weekend in California as well and got to hang out with our buddy Kira and she’s actually the best. When I explained the site and why I liked it to my mom, she literally reiterated her theory from back when I was *blown away* that friends of friends of friends were friends when I first moved away from home.

        Also: sorry I’m late on the Flavortown stuff… I came home to a barrage of work things.

  6. Took my dog to the vet today (for a limp), and asked, over the phone, for her to check out this kind of scabby area on his neck. She said she saw it and would shave it down, and when I picked him up I noticed she’d saved down a totally different spot! So I guess Duke has two hot spots, one of which is now hideously bald, the other of which will continue to be ignored for the time being.

  7. I’ve had a pain in my neck since yesterday. Love you, stress! I got free pudding at work (PUDDING). I signed up for okcupid earlier this week and it’s the worst. Why do people send messages that just say “hey baby” and “how are you?” That is not interesting. Be more interesting people! It snowed for a bit, but has pretty much melted. I fell in love with Battles “Atlas” and have been wanting to yell “Battles where have you been all my life?” ever since. I’m planning on having breakfast for dinner. With a bloody mary (whiskey, not vodka).

    This has been my freestyle “how was your day” answer.

    • Breakfast for dinner is the best! What are you having? And how did you get free pudding at work? I have gotten a lot of free food at my work but never pudding!

      • I had a fried egg sandwich with lots of veggies. SO GOOD. I’m still sipping my bloody mary.

        I got free pudding because we are working on a project at work that requires pudding. Yes, I know that’s the best-sounding thing ever.

        • I want a pudding project! I did have pudding at work a couple of times when I made dirt pudding with my kid’s book group, but sadly it was not free. But the kids went crazy for it, and they ask that we make it almost every time we meet. Your sandwich sounds delicious! When I have breakfast for dinner, I make waffles because waffles are the best.

          • If I had a waffle iron I would be all over that. That might be my next investment.

            Also, are you referring to buckets of dirt? As in oreo chunks in chocolate pudding with gummy worms. BEST EVER. (I use caps too much)

        • The reply button disappeared, so this might look weird, but yes! Gummy worms, whipped cream, and oreos! We made it when books took place underground. I also made pop-rock chocolates when we read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and I might bring those back too. My job can be a lot of fun! And I have an issue with exclamation points. I just love them so much! But sometimes it seems like I’m yelling. I am just excited a lot of the time!

    • Oh dang I started to sign up for okcupid this week but never finished. Eventually my browser will crash losing the open tab and I will forget I ever had the intention to go on a date.

      • I should’ve said “I re-signed up for okcupid.” I have gone on one date via okcupid….that turned into a relationship for a few months. So I guess it was successful? But also, it’s the worst. There really has to be a better way than filling out stupid profiles and stalking people. The stalking part just gets so weird and no, okcupid, I won’t pay extra to hide myself.

  8. I almost turned into the Hulk this morning because my train line was super delayed yet again, and when I tried to transfer to a different line people kept cutting ahead of me and I had the doors of THREE trains close directly in my face. I did elbow a guy while getting on the fourth train, but don’t worry, he deserved it.

    Tonight I get to go hunting for a last minute Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century costume for a space-themed party.

  9. I spent the past week or so on a wonderful excursion through Central America. I just got back this morning, and have been frantically dealing with my new contract, this shitty below-freezing weather, and catching up with all of my RSS feeds/personal e-mails. Please forgive me for not knowing about the hip-hop giraffe video or how Ryan Gosling transformed himself into a cucumber. I will get to it!

  10. That ‘diamond in the sky’ comment reminded me of back when I was a really little kid person I thought that particular lyric in ‘Twinkle Twinkly Little Star’ was ‘Like a diner in the sky.’

    In other news, my apartment complex has been getting ‘fixes’ like new paint and stuff since the beginning of January, and now that I work later shift I sleep later, but I continue to get the OPPOSITE of rest because right at 8am the painters are either banging around buckets and ladders and yelling at each other right outside my window, or they’re incessantly crinkling the LOUDEST roll of paint tarps right outside my door in the hallway.

    FINISH THE JOB, ALREADY. GAWD!!!

    • *Correction: Twinkle TWINKLE Little Star

      (how the hell did I mess that up?)

    • I feel your pain. The apartment next door to me got gutted and rebuilt into a 3-story rowhouse. It went on for roughly 10 months, during which they also tore down my fence for a month and I would wake up to strange men working outside my bedroom window. Jesus, I’m glad that’s over.

    • I too feel your pain. A few months back they redid the kitchen in the apartment above mine. They were very loud and very fond of working a 9 a.m. on Saturdays. It was especially fun to deal with when I was massively hungover, as I tend to be at 9 a.m on Saturdays.

  11. I’m now in charge of two interns and a tiny dog so I probably won’t be reading as much or commenting. Sademoticon.gif Well, anyways, I’ll try to comment at night at least. Can we start a night commenting crew?

  12. i am continuing to find it nearly impossible to motivate myself to actually go to my stupid drawing class. i hate drawing classes so much, you guys! they are the worst. so instead i’ve been sitting at home all day drinking tea and watching beatles movies and trying to re-learn how to use illustrator because i always sort of rushed through the illustrator portion of the multiple adobe creative suite classes i have taken, because i am an idiot. and calling/emailing various customer service lines, because holy moly i’ve been having trouble with stuff i’ve ordered online lately! first i ordered some clothes, but they left my apartment number off the shipping address, so they got delivered to the main office and then sent back i guess? and then some comic books i ordered from a seller on amazon back in december were supposed to arrive by today, but they still haven’t even shipped yet. i just want my pants and socks and comic books uuuuuggghh

    • Illustrator is my favorite of the suite, if you can have a favorite. Hurray for vector files.

      I just got Chris Ware’s Building Stories. Not entirely a comic, more like a treasure chest. It’s awesome.

      • i’ve never been able to get the hang of illustrator, and i always forgot what little i learned on it immediately after i was done with the classes. but i’m doing the album art for my friends’ band, and the printer they’re going with only excepts art in .ai format, and i’m still pretty much making everything up as i go at this point as far as design stuff, so i torrented it downloaded it legally last night and have been messing around with it. slow going.

        i’ve never read any of chris ware’s stuff, but building stories does look really interesting.

        • I think it’s because I learned illustrator first that I prefer it over PS. I just always found masking stuff in photoshop to be a bitch. Conversely, paths in illustrator can be awful sometimes. I recommend learning hot keys, they will save your life (a=select point, v=select all).

          Also, I spent 3 years trying to figure out how to mirror an object across a guide, for some reason no one could ever figure it out (until we discovered the reflect tool)

        • Lynda tutorials are so great if you don’t have to pay for them. Try and get a free trial or something, or even better if you can borrow (steal) someones login for it, I think some schools give students free access.

      • My favorite is InDesign. When I was in school, I loved Photoshop because we would have 2 weeks or more to do something cool. In the real world, InDesign what I use most often.

        Illustrator is very intimidating to me because I never really learned it, so now I have a hard time with it.

        • i’m a little better with indesign than i am with illustrator, although i have less experience with it. i was on the paper in high school (ladies) and we used indesign for our layouts, but the teacher didn’t really feel the need to show us how to use it first, but i seem to remember it being a little bit easier to figure out on my own than illustrator.

  13. I spend a very long time considering joining the cat circus but I decided against it. http://www.circuscats.com/
    I you’re interested you can check out their official fan club. https://www.facebook.com/groups/acrocats/permalink/439042482834019/

  14. Don’t forget to RSVP to the First Unofficial International Videogum Monster Meetup in April so we know what size of a place to get https://www.facebook.com/events/390112901058367/?fref=ts

    We’re going to start sorting out the details in the next couple of weeks.

  15. I am doing better than I was earlier this week! I am epileptic and had a seizure at work on Monday and hit my face and went to the hospital. So in addition to missing school and work AND feeling like a total dumbass for missing a pill (causing the seizure) AND inconveniencing a lot of people, I look like I went 3 rounds with Mike Tyson. I have scrapes all over my face and black eyes and a possibly broken nose and it is both painful and very ugly.
    But the swelling has started to go down, at least. Also, hot ER doctor the other day. And I discovered that a lot of my friends are super fantastic, offering all kinds of unsolicited help and support. Silver linings?

    • Oh man, that sucks. Get better, Gg. You’re one of my favorite monsters.

    • Oh no! Feel better soon!

    • That’s so scary! I’m happy to hear you’re at least doing better, all things considered. Epilepsy is nerve-wracking.

      My sister is epileptic and had her first seizure on a plane from Hawaii to Michigan with a layover in Dallas. I was in the Hawaii airport with her before boarding my flight from HI-to-L.A.-to-NJ, when she said she felt weird, and asked me if everything felt like it had a dream-like quality (her being pretty straight-laced and me having experimented with drugs in the past, I instantly knew what she meant was did things feel surreal), to which I said sure, I can see that, because why not? Honolulu airport is a weird airport, and the light was pooling around the terminal in a really neat way, I recall.

      Little did I realize that what she was having was an aura in the airport, telegraphing the eventual seizure-to-come high in the air over the Pacific (there was a doctor on the flight, thankfully, to lend whatever expertise he could until they landed).

      I didn’t even find out about it until I got to NJ, at which point my sister had already been hospitalized in Dallas, had a another seizure, and my mom was already on a flight to her, and well, all in all it was REALLY upsetting.

      She is doing much better now. She immediately became sycophantic about recognizing auras to successfully prevent the onset of a seizure, was on a variety of meds for a bit which she did not like due to side effects such as weight gain and acne on her usually pristine skin, and she had one more bad one in her dorm room, alone, where she awoke to discover she had bashed her feet against her computer desk something fierce after falling out of her chair. Now she is off meds and has not had an attack in years, and it kind of blows my mind but I’m also not a doctor so I have no idea how severe her case is.

      An ex of mine also has epilepsy, her case is much more severe, and she started having seizures after she was hit by a car when she was 12. She would get little trembles in the morning sometimes if she had to focus on an object for too long. But she’s had to go into the hospital and have seizures induced for study or something, and all sorts of scary stuff. I believe she is doing better now as well. We still talk, but I have not asked. probably should, now that I’m remembering all this.

      ANYWAY!!! I’m sorry to hear about your attack, gobblegirl, and I hope you are doing much better! And if you have black eyes, you can always do what Morgan Murphy suggests in her joke about getting a black eye: get a wedding dress, drive around, and make eye contact and cry with other drivers while sitting at red lights!

      • I get auras too, though usually I get more warning than I did this time – I had barely noticed the aura and was just trying to decide whether that was in fact what it was when the seizure occurred. I actually consider myself pretty lucky this time – if it had happened 10 minutes earlier it would have been at the transit centre when it was -20′C.
        My meds do have some unpleasant side effects, but it’s nothing compared to the seizures so I put up with it. I’ve been epileptic since I was a young teenager, and sadly they no longer think there’s much chance I’ll grow out of it.

        • That would’ve been horrible, exposed to the elements like that.
          I’m really glad you’re doing better, all things considered.
          (And I apologize for such a long comment. I’m fretting for you, and I couldn’t stop myself from typing up everything epilepsy-related that I know!)

      • Those are some scary stories and I am really sorry to all involved. Boo, epilepsy!

        But in the Honolulu flight scenario, did somebody at least get to scream “IS THERE A DOCTOR ON BOARD?!?!?!”

    • Another silver lining: you can gin up a super badass story for the 3-rounds-with-Tyson look! Tell people you saved an endangered Siberian tiger cub from a mob of NRA hotheads or some such!

    • Holy shit. I’m glad you’re okay and I can respond late and at the end of the thread but… oh my gosh. (Apparently when I actually care or am impressed I get kind and polite??? (Not just to Canadians, this is a message to this whole post.))

      xoxoxo but in the love and kisses way not in the knock-out way

  16. Not the best day for me to be honest. Yesterday morning I decided going jogging would be a great idea, because apparently I forgot that I live in Minnesota and even if you wear warm jogging clothing (I was, A+ on that) there is still ice that will destroy you with its stealthy slippery ways.

    So today I am home because I can’t move very well, and also WebMD has convinced me that not only am I going to die immediately, I am probably already dead and a zombie who is going to die again from concussions or something.

    However, I think I am still doing better than Te’o

    • R.I.P., lilbobbytables.

    • I have to stay away from WebMD at all costs. I’m still convinced that every time I fall (which happens quite a lot due to my clumsiness) I’ve released a blood clot that’s on it’s way to my heart and I will die in my sleep. I’ll look for your posts tomorrow to make sure you’re among the living. Don’t die!

    • i have this thing where my right eye will just start to sting and tear up for no discernable reason. sometimes it’s both eyes, but usually the right, and it always seems to happen between ten and midnight. (very good description of symptons.) (“that’s DOCTOR father time to you.”)

      i want to go on webmd to see what’s up with that, but i’m always scared it’s going to tell me i have SPIDERS LIVING INSIDE MY EYEBALLS or something. #obamacare

    • I live in MN too. Minneapolis to be exact. I just moved into a sweet new place downtown this week! Hope you feel better.

  17. My day was good. Work was slow, and my boss wasn’t in, so an easy day. Had a three day weekend this past weekend so the week is going by quickly. But most importantly, I saw the Gary Busey talking about Hobbits video this past weekend, and OH MAN how did I miss that last week? That video is just the best thing.

  18. Today I found out that I only need 2 more credits to graduate in May, but none of the classes I need fit into my schedule so I have to go to summer school even though I swore I would never do that again ever in my life.

    I also cut the sleeves off of my favorite dress that I want to wear for my birthday party tomorrow and immediately experienced regret because its January and what was I thinking!?

    I also watched this video twice and laughed just as much the second time as I did the first, I hope it never gets old:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8EfTjT9DZk

  19. My day has been good so far! Had the day off, slept in, watched some Battlestar Galactica, did some laundry, puttered around on the Internet, and worked out. Now I’m trying to decide if I want to go to this thing tonight where I’ll get to interact and talk with real humans or if I’d rather stay home and watch the Thursday night shows by myself. Project Runway is back tonight people!

  20. Better now that you brightened it, Videogum.

  21. I’m in a training for work for the next 8 work days, which has been really stressful for the last couple of weeks preparing for other people to take over my job for 2 weeks, basically. AND I have to miss a free continental breakfast/work party because of this stupid class. But the good news is that the class isn’t really as bad as I thought it would be, so far at least, and there are good food options nearby so there’s always lunch to look forward to.

    HOORAY FOR LUNCH.

  22. Today I heard that the White Stag was sighted on the outskirts of Cair Albuquerque so across the entire span of your nation I must trek yet again. Ever since he caught me up in his antlers and we leapt through the magical wooden door, I have found myself stranded in Spare Oom. I tried to return the way we came but was not quick enough and he smashed the door with his hooves. “Look,” I implored him on my knees, “I didn’t know you were a talking beast. I would never have given your whereabouts to the Kings and Queens of Cair Paravel if I had. I will do anything to make recompense for my grievous error. Now please, my dear, unjustly wronged friend, let us return to Narnia.”

    “Why didn’t you just ask?” the White Stag said. “What kind of Faun tries to get someone murdered – “

    “I say, murder’s a bit much – “

    “MURDER!” the White Stag screamed. And then, with an impatient toss of his head, he leapt through a window and was gone.

    I admit that I wronged him but murder? Even the Human known as Morrissey, who I understand has some very strong views on this subject, would understand that at worst I was indiscreet. I’ve written him – and, for good measure, his fellow Smiths – several letters arguing my case and although none have responded yet, I’m certain it is only because they are very busy. I picture them nodding in silent agreement as they read them. In front of their roaring fires, with a cup of tea perched on the armrest as they munch their cakes….

    I must return to Narnia! The White Stag is bound to grant my wish if only I catch him and this latest lead is, I believe, a red hot one. This internet café smells like my lower half when I neglect to bathe. I have tarried too long here in Spare Oom. It is beginning to bring me down.

    Pray that Aslan’s breath carries me to my goal, my dear and charming friends, and may you too someday find release from the sparkling window in which you are held.

  23. It’s been OK, I guess, but I’m a little disappointed in myself for coming up with what I think is a really good joke for the Cumberbatch/Star Trek thread from a couple days ago, which is now stale, rendering the joke pretty good only in my head. So if it’s OK with the rest of you, I’ll just laugh at it in my head. Ha!

    • Tell me, please!

      • Well, remember how he said his costume was so tight that you could almost see what religion he was? The response that for some reason came to me a couple days later was…are you ready….?

        “So what he’s saying is that we might be able to tell if they’ve tailored his tinker.”

        Get it? Because he was in Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy? Oh well, I thought it is was funny.

  24. Everyone I work with beside my boss is an insane person and i hate it. But my bbf is coming this weekend so that’ll be goood. oh and im drinking a beer.

  25. Went to work today for the first time this week because I thought I was feeling better. WRONG. So I came home and did the same thing I’ve done all week: sleep, snuggle with my dog, and watch tv. I also read Cardboard by Doug TenNapel, and it was sweet and funny. I started The Death of Bees by Lisa O’Donnell yesterday, and it is very good so far. I really want to read Tenth of December by George Saunders, but my library doesn’t have it yet! I am so glad I had Videogum to read because I’ve been bored out of my mind at home. Froggy Fresh’s freestyle really was the bright spot in a crappy week. The only thing that could have made it better was Money Maker Mike.

  26. I got my internship you guys! I’m so excited. I’m also excited that my january of rolling family visits is over. I can stop cleaning all the time and pretending I’m living healthier than I actually am.

  27. HI! Don’t worry about how my day was– That doesn’t matter now.

    Kelly- this was an absolutely wonderful post about the Mante Teo (sp?) situation. I loved every word.

    i didn’t want to climb on because I could tell this was a sensitive topic and I didn’t want to upset Gabe, but I was really upset that this topic wasn’t covered. Because I don’t come here for trampoline accidents, i come here for hard hitting news, or rather the way intelligent and funny and stream of consciousness bloggers REACT to hard hitting news (by hard hitting i mean dead girlfriend zapruder situations). Not only was I very upset about this lack of coverage (I mean we covered Chick Fil A, why not this?) but not wanting to pile on (this is me not piling on) but then the Beyonce Lip Sync situation not being discussed/analysed on videogum (maybe I missed it but if I did it must not have been featured prominently enough) was just putting me over the brink. I kept clicking over and not finding what i wanted and becoming progessively more kerfluffled (which I realize is completely unjustified, but there it is).. I was briefly consoled by the foxes playing and the cat drying its face but I was still feeing pretty unsatisfied and then I came over one last time and I saw this post and I LOVED it and it was everything I wanted. So, thank you Kelly and Videogum.

  28. Holy bananas this day is terrible, let me tell you.
    The director of my department at work announced he’s leaving the company in two weeks. I got promoted about two months ago, but then was asked to take on very dull projects due to business need and pretty much any direction toward how I should be expanding my skill set or acting at all in a new role was dropped. Besides the director, I have no direct manager, and so I have absolutely no feedback about how or what I should be doing. After he announced he’d quit, I was asked to sit down with a very high level person at the company and basically give them ideas on how to run the department now. I feel like I passed Beginner’s French and we mentioned going on to Intermediate French but instead, change of plans, now I have to be the mayor of Paris.

    I do not want to be here anymore, guys.

    • That does suck. I was in a similar situation with my old job, but rather than people asking me to help figure things out, they cut all my projects in a sort of passive aggressive retaliation thing. So, even though it’s crappy right now, it’s cool that they respect your opinion! And you get to help shape things!

  29. After six months of nagging my apartment property managers about a terrible Internet and TV connection, which was included in the rent and thus a selling point when I decided to move here, they finally sent out a letter saying it’s getting fixed! Yay! But that’s not all! They’re not going to pay for it anymore! So I just wanted to say that those people can go straight to hell but it’s not that big of a deal cuz I’m seeing Yo La Tengo this weekend and also I’ve been reading more books lately.

    • WHAT BOOKS let’s talk about books again, guys.

      • I read A Land More Kind Than Home, which was really good, although I’m not sure how I feel about the ending. Also: Immobility by Brian Evenson, which was kind of like The Road but with a slightly more sci-fi/ horror bent (and a better book, in my opinion). I just started Junot Diaz’s Oscar Wao. I like it so far.

        • Added to Goodreads, thanks! I didn’t love The Road, but not because of the premise. Hope you like Oscar Wao. I got annoyed with it sometimes, but in retrospect, I think it was an excellent book. I also met Junot Diaz one time and he was super nice, and he seems really smart and thoughtful in interviews. Knowing that the author is a feminist makes me hate Yunior less, at least as a creation.

          • I actually didn’t like The Road either, it’s just an easy comparison with the whole post-apocalyptic journey thing going on in Immobility. The writing is a lot less consciously literary, and better written for it.

        • Oscar Wao is lovely, I keep meaning to start his newest book. Also, Immobility sounds right up my alley. I’m gonna check it out.

          • I started his new book! I read the first story, and I really liked it, but other books keep getting in the way. And I love Oscar Wao too.

      • I just got done reading The Lovely Bones because someone told me it was the best book they ever read. I don’t agree. It wasn’t horrible, and the premise was kind of intriguing at first, but it got a little slow and then some weird crap happened, and it just didn’t do it for me anymore. So I decided this week I need a lighter topic than little girls who get murdered, so I chose Naked is the Manatee. It’s a mystery “romp” (gotta love any book that describes itself as a romp), and each chapter is written by a different author. It takes place in a tropical setting, so it could be fun.

        • Realizing no one will see this because I’m so late to the party, BUT if you get a chance, read The News From Spain. Seven short stories that all use that phrase — AMAZING! Tenth December is good, but News From Spain is EXCELLENT! And then Naked Is the Manatee is on my Kindle.

  30. Instead of taking over pickpocket’s post, I’m just going to mention that amy wins again and I went to a book club meeting this week for Ada or Ardor (the YouPorn to Lolita’s Skinemax, somehow) and all L.A. monsters are welcome and encouraged to join us next month, when we’ll be discussing the second half of the book. After the book club, we went to get a beer and saw a woman throw a glass of wine on a man because she thought he was flirting with us. Good times.

  31. I am participating in a wedding this weekend and Oof, you guys.

    I was invited, verbally, in August, when the groom said “Think about doing one of the readings.” I completely forgot about this, and didn’t hear from him again until last week. Then, he texted to remind me there’s a wedding and to ask what reading I’d picked.

    This led to days of stress. The bride ALSO started emailing me (the first I heard from her since February). She wants me to write a toast to give, which will be videotaped, so I should say “something we can treasure the rest of our lives.” AND she doesn’t know the town well, so could I pick out a restaurant for the rehearsal dinner? Uh… sure. What kind of food, setting, location, and budget? No reply. So I emailed half a dozen options… the groom picked one. THEN the bride emailed asking if the one he picked was handicapped-accessible because of her mom… But didn’t mention what handicaps we’re talking about. Except there will be “mobility issues.” And a “service dog.” I located a photo of the dining room online and linked it; she declared it suspect. So I’m not sure where Saturday’s Big Dinner is.

    Meanwhile I also picked out a reading and emailed it to the groom — who rejected it. It wasn’t “in keeping with notions of mutual empowerment.” At which point he emailed me a reading he picked for me to do. Whew? But I feel like I failed… (Although also I am starting not to care, after two weeks of weird stress.)

    I haven’t been to a wedding in 3-4 years, so I managed to forget what a nightmare they are. Why do people have them?

    • I hope there is an open bar to reward you for all you had to put up with.

    • Holy smokes, are they your best friends or are they not your best friends? You’re doing way too much work for someone who isn’t that close, yet you’re getting way too little communication for someone who is? Good luck, man.

    • I really hope you read the first Scott Baio YCMIU. That is the most wedding appropriate of readings.

    • Holy moly! This situation sounds really weird and terrible! Sorry that you’re stressin’, friend!

    • Maybe you’ll meet someone nice that totally connects with what you wrote?

      My suggestion:

      Love is a diamond — shiny, bright. cold and useless…
      Mined from the hearts to use in vague imagries of death.
      The concept is mined deep in the heart of DeBeers and its advertising conglomerates,
      You love is enslaved like the children that are now imprisoned by your vows.
      [beat]
      This wedding is bullshit. Fuck happy.
      [drops mic]

      (If she doesn’t get the subtle Gleemonex/KIDH reference, she is probably awful and stupid.)

      • Hahaha — I guarantee she would not get any Kids in the Hall ref, and I doubt she’d appreciate the diamond-bashing, but as long as it doesn’t interfere with her ring exchange she IS into being a Very Good Person: she has directed one of the other readers to “read the text of the Massachusetts gay marriage legislation.”

        Let me point out no one invited is gay as far as I know, or from Massachusetts.

        This is going to be so fun.

    • Pull a Liz Lemon! You know you want to!!!

      “And now an unscheduled reading that I think is appropriate for this lovely, romantic occasion. But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he lay with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground. Sorry. Then, Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin. Oh come on, Bible. Help a lady out. For he has sold us, and he has indeed devoured our money.

    • PLEASE share your toast when you get it written. If I ever have the pressure of coming up with “something someone can treasure the rest of their lives” I’m totally going to steal your toast.

  32. Hi guys! I kept missing these because things were REALLY CRAZY while I was changing jobs but now I am basically settled although now I am also in grad school so I’m just busy busy. Things were going pretty great until Sunday when a bunch of emotional stuff I’ve been pushing down so I could get through changing jobs and starting school welled back up and I’ve just been getting more and more depressed. Today was pretty bad, I cried in my office a bunch for no reason and previously I had kept it pretty contained to the subway going home. I am trying to get an appointment somewhere but it’s unfortunately not as easy as getting help probably should be, especially when people just have to take it at your word that you have insurance because you just started a new job. Finally I called my old doctor who I never really liked and the front desk was all weird about me not going there for two years. I will call a million more places tomorrow. It sucks to go through this in front of people who have known you for two weeks. It sucks to feel so bad about feeling bad that you don’t want to tell anyone.

    Sorry to be sad, Internet, but vomiting this stuff out in total anonymity to complete strangers is weirdly therapeutic.

    • Aww, monster love to you!!

      I just had to go to a doctor right after getting new insurance – the insurance website let me print out a temporary id? I don’t know if that would help, or if your insurance account just isn’t set up yet, but look into it! Might make it easier to get an appointment.

      <3

      • Thank you! I was able to call my insurer and get my member ID number so that was good. My old doctor agreed to see me tomorrow so I can get back on some kind of meds (right now I take anti-anxiety meds for panic attacks but it seems to just be helping with the panic attacks/intense social anxiety when I take them instead of just drinking until I am comfortable which, you know, always works out and actually intensifying the crippling depression I fall into after most social events). I made some plans for my birthday in May and resolved to try and do more creative things and just try to be more honest about my feelings in general. My friend asked me if I was going to a thing tonight and I told her probably not because I have been really down lately and don’t really feel like talking to strangers and that is, pathetically enough, kind of a huge deal for me to even say that to someone who is probably a close friend.

        So basically doing this helped and all the little thumbs up and responses helped and that is why this site and its comment section are really, really great.

    • I too have been under a dark cloud of late. In happier times, I found solace in attending to the little things, the trivial comforts of home and hearth. A good book, a cup of tea, pleasant company…. But there are times when one feels adrift and even these unquestionably good things can seem hollow and of little use. When one’s first priority is keeping one’s head above the waves, everything is measured, classified, and kept or rejected according to its buoyancy, and of this property a silver tea set holds very little to none at all. This can be disheartening and numbing if we let it be so. But if we trust that there is a purpose to our suffering, it can also reveal to us the things that keep our hearts full and allow us to expand so that we bob merrily atop the waves with no need to grasp at floating debris.

      Although I would very much like to have my old tea set. I could rest it on my stomach as I bobbed. I’ve heard that dolphins are very entertaining conversationalists.

      Be well. No winter lasts forever.

  33. I had a meh day but a creepy incident at school.

    I got on the elevator in the school building and there was this guy already in the elevator. He said “Hi” to me and I said “Hi” back. Then he asked how I was, and then he muttered something and when I asked him to repeat it he was like “Oh, I don’t know you. You must be someone else.” I get off on my floor and am walking to my classroom, and I see him a few steps behind. He asked me if I was studying what I was studying (this floor is primarily used by that dept–no one outside of the dept really has a reason to be there–so I automatically thought something was off. Then I just kept walking but quicker. I get into my classroom (I was like 20 minutes early) so some of my classmates were there and we were talking about the class. Something–maybe intuition–told me to get a desk on the other side of the room, farthest from the door. The same guy just walks into the classroom, starts talking, and then sits next to the girl closest to the door about weird stuff. Like the girl was trying to be nice and asked if he was a grad or undergrad and he was like I don’t understand this whole “grad/undergrad” think. I’m not a democrat or Republican stuff. Then he talks about how he’s brain damaged from an incident when he was a toddler, the school finally allowed him to be a student here, everyone has 2 eyes but he has a third eye, that the Ninja Turtles are his religion, martial arts is his physical therapy, his brother toughened him up but he’s not a violent person. In short, crazy shit. Totally unprompted. The girl was like Yuh huh, ummm, uh…. most of the time. He left really quickly when a group of guys came into the room (before that the only men in the room were him and another classmate). The girl he talked to thought he was ok because she believed he was just brain-damaged even though he walked into a room when his class with the same professor was tomorrow afternoon and he clearly said the school didn’t want him there. Then another girl who came after this asked me to describe him and she said before she got to the classroom she got into the elevator and there was a guy already in the elevator just standing there with no buttons pressed. She also said she saw him wandering around the building.

    I called security because I felt unsafe knowing this guy just travelled through the building and into classrooms talking nonsense. They said they would come up to my floor to investigate because they were disturbed about hearing a guy just wandering around the building like that, but I never saw them. You had to have been there, but it really made me nervous.

    On the plus side, my professor is funny and I got a free banana.

    • That is a very creepy story! I hope that he doesn’t show up again. But a funny professor and a free banana is a definite plus.

    • Did he have a hook hand, and was it dangling from the doorknob at the end of class? Quickly now!

    • This is super creepy! I hope security did come check it out!

      This reminds me of when I was in school, there was this guy in my dept. who had a really bad case of Asperger’s (so he told us.) We were pretty sure he was harmless, but he made all the girls VERY uncomfortable because he would just obviously stare at our breasts all the time and once he followed a girl to her dorm.

      • I didn’t see them, but hopefully this won’t happen again. If I see him doing this stuff again I will report him. I am inclined to believe the brain-damage story, but he could just as easily been lying.

        Wow! He followed her all the way to her dorm?! Did she work there or was she like a customer or something?

        • Apparently he followed her from the theatre department all the way across campus to her dorm (a good 15-20 min. walk) and then just stood outside the building for a while looking at it after she got inside?

    • That guy was definitely a ghost. No question.

    • Oh my gosh.

  34. Kelly!!! So much!!

    My best friend in town is moving to Montgomery, Alabama. I spent most of the night packing up/sealing up her stuff and did work after she left to say bye to others. I’m *so* happy that she got her dream job, but am beyond sad for me. Thankfully, my dog has been pouting and giving her the stink eye so she knows that moving is not okay in this house. I made her a 4-tiered list of things to get (based on my moving experiences) and it was actually helpful in that “oh I would want that” too busy to remember to put it on a list way… (She travels a lot; I move a lot.)

    But then we had to have a big talk. A talk some of you may want to know. It is about vermin.
    – Ants hate cinnamon
    – Spiders hate lavender
    – Roaches hate borax
    – Invest in a super-sealed dog food holder
    – Mice hate high-frequency noises

    I am very happy for her, but very sad for me. Between all of us, I am slightly worried her story will be less Hart of Dixie and more … I don’t know? Is there another cultural barometer for Alabama filmed on the WB lot and produced by our buddy from Gossip Girl and the O.C.? Because, honestly, if there is… I’d love to pass it on.

    Also, I still hate winter but saw real sun (AND ACTUAL MOUNTAIN LION PAW PRINTS) in California last weekend while hiking and drinking wine with my parents. I think I got enough natural Vitamin D to hold me until February, which I just learned is about a week away. So, I still hate winter. Also calenders.

    • Good luck to you and your friend. That is very nice of you for not only giving your friend that advice but all of us. Thank goodness for winter.

      Also, thank you for explaining what ants hate. I think centipedes hate peppermint. Don’t quote me on that, though.

      • If this is true, YOU ARE A NATIONAL TREASURE. You know who loves peppermint and hates centipedes? ME.

        • Me too! We have the best and worst of luck!

          After I heard this I observed that I don’t have the little buggers near or any longer near my pepperminty things: candy canes, teas, flavored coffees, lip gloss, you name it. But I guess you have to put it in multiple places in the same room to see if that hypothesis is true. Mythbusters time!

  35. I’m late as usual but here’s the reason: I usually leave work early on Thursday (or I have a meeting from 5-6) because traffic can be a nightmare if you leave at the wrong time and Thursday usually any time after 5 is the wrong time so I try to sneak out a little early except yesterday I went home sick at 3:30 and tried to sleep but kind of felt better by dinner time so I guess I’m sort of okay. Nothing major. Otherwise my day was good except that I had been working on this large project for my big boss and was talking about rescheduling the meeting where I present to him and he was basically like, well, we kind of don’t need that anymore, so I don’t want to waste your time with a meeting about it. Did you guys know that when a boss says “I don’t want to waste your time” what he actually means is “I don’t want to waste my time”? I learned that this week! The More You Know TM! Anyway, that was kind of shitty to hear but I think I’ll get over it. Today it’s supposed to snow/freezing rain/hail where I live so I hope to avoid all of that but I’m guessing my drive home will be a nightmare. But then it’ll be the WEEKEND!!! And I LOVE the weekend you guys!!! Also it’s almost my birthday and I’m starting to get excited because it’s my 30th birthday and I think it’s going to be really fun even though only like 3 people can come to my party.

  36. Thanks for asking about my day, Kelly. I’m so late answering, but I look forward to this part of VG so much every week that I decided to post anyway. My day went pretty well. It’s my birthday tomorrow, and I officially started the 3-day celebration last night by eating out at a BBQ place with two old high school friends. Then today, I had lunch with another friend, dinner with two OTHER friends tonight, and tomorrow lunch out with my son and dinner out with my husband and another couple. So I’m keeping the local restaurants in business these days. I had a routine checkup at the doctor today, and he suggested a colonoscopy, which I’ve never had before and am nervous about. But, hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. I got some cute Valentine’s Day window clings for my house tonight, and I can’t wait to put them up. I may even do that tonight.

    • Happy birthday, newbie! You’re the best!

      My mom had a colonoscopy a few years ago and she said it was fine. She did fart a lot in the hours afterward, but I think that’s a small price to pay. Don’t be scared!

      Have an amazing day!!

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