You go outside, grab a bunch of dirt, and put it on a plate inside. Then you dip your votive candle in wax and roll it around in the dir– What? Oh, please. You’ve never had a situation that called for a grubby, dirty-looking (and dirty- actually being, if we’re being honest with ourselves) (literally it is covered in dirt) candle? Well, this isn’t part of my job, my job is just to tell you how to make the damn thing, but for the sake of argument:

  • HALLOWEEN? Jesus christ.
  • Last minute secret santa gift for someone you think is a garbage person.
  • If you bought a bed and breakfast and don’t have time to fix up one of the rooms so you’ve decided to make it the “dirty room.”
  • If someone is on the lam and hiding as dirt in a dirt pile but they haven’t lost all of their self respect.
  • If you are begrudgingly in charge of props at your son or daughter’s school production of Les Miserable.
  • If you want to prove a point to your roommate about how you should both have to at least agree that the decorations each one brings to the apartment are “fine.”
  • I don’t know, if you just fucking like the look of it?
  • I’m sorry, please excuse that last bullet. It’s been a long day.
  • Anthropologie photo shoot? I don’t know. Whatever.

(Via Interweber.)

Comments (18)
  1. It’s going to match up perfectly with the trash can I put it in.

  2. And to think I’ve spent my whole life getting things dirty by accident like some kind of schmuck.

  3. If someone is on the lam and hiding as dirt in a dirt pile but they haven’t lost all of their self respect.

    You know, I really feel that this is an untapped demographic. BRB, pitching a combo etiquette guide/craft book for the discerning lady/gent on the run from Johnny Law.

  4. At least she didn’t say “Shabby Chic”.

    • When I was growing up I worked at my farther’s lamp shop. More than half the stuff we made we would label “Shabby Chic”. Rich people can’t get enough of that shit.

      • All you need to tell rich people to buy something is tell them that it’s “chic” – you could say this plutonium is radioactive chic or go to Chernobyl for vacation, it’s deserted chic and they’ll throw cash at it; or tell them it’s tax deductible.

  5. I’d be really disappointed if I booked what was advertised as “the dirty room” at a B&B and found this candle and similar knick knacks inside.

  6. Somewhere, a Yankee Candles executive is kicking himself for not coming up with the “Burning Dirt” scent.

    • Unrelated: There is a dirt perfume. It’s by Demeter (and I do really like their Earl Gray, even if it does fade quickly) and I have not smelled it, because huh? But it is a weird/intriguing concept.

      • Ooh, I wonder if it smells like dirt right after the rain? I would buy that and spray it around my apartment, but not all of the time just some of the time.

      • I have a friend who loves that stuff. Apparently she was also one of those women who craved dirt when she was pregnant. Not sure why she can’t just go outside and dab fresh (and free) dirt on her wrists as god intended.

  7. If you get invited to a “candle party” which is when one of your lady friends starts selling (or making and selling) candles from home and they’re pretty crappy and overpriced but you have to go anyway because she’s your friend and ugh I guess I’ll buy the vanilla bean one but not in the largest size, the middle size.

  8. And it seems to me you lived your life
    Like a candle in the dirt
    Never knowing who ruined you
    When the grub rubbed in
    And had I gotten one of those things too
    On Father’s Day from a kid
    A crappy craft thrown out long before
    The clay ashtray ever did

  9. truckasaurus (and anyone else who’s interested): Remember when Michael’s girlfriend on The Office started selling Candles by Jan on the show? And the next thing you know, they were REALLY for sale on the NBC website. Marketing at its finest.

  10. Can we please discuss her shirt? It reminds me of the crap college hippies in the 90s used to wear… but instead of a useful backless tank that helps you twirl better on Phish tour, it’s some weird cap-sleeved, v-neck thing that took effort but still looks like that on purpose? Honestly, I’m more confused by that shirt than the candle. (But not the Santa Monica thing, that actually makes perfect sense.)

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