Up until this point we did not think “dangerous sex monster” Benedict Cumberbatch’s attack on female hearts and reproductive organs could get any more transparent or brazen. Of course, one cannot predict an evil charm genius’s next move unless one is an evil charm genius herself, and one is certainly not, so we couldn’t help be be blindsided once again by what is possibly Cumberbatch’s boldest move yet: TALKING ABOUT HIS PENIS. From The Sun:

Benedict Cumberbatch relished his new role as a Star Trek villain because the skintight costumes made him feel like ex-Olympic hero Linford Christie.

The Sherlock Holmes star plays “psychological terrorist” John Harrison in the latest big screen instalment of the space series, Star Trek Into Darkness.

And he admitted he loved the way his clingy costume showed off his lunchbox.

He said: “The costumes look great. Some of them were very cumbersome and heavy, but some were very snug.

“You can almost see what religion I am.”

You can almost see what– oh no, what is going on? Have I gone blind?! Where am– am I on the floor? It feels like I’m sinking into the floor and… Oh no, I’ve possibly reached the center of the Earth? I can’t remember anything before getting here, it is as if I’m starting life anew, except for one thought bouncing against the walls in my empty brain– “See Star Treck Into Darkness, but don’t look below Benedict Cumberbatch’s waist because you do not want to be weird and crude, except maybe do it for just one second, just to check if the costumes are actually particularly snug, or maybe just…” and then the memory floats away. What does it mean? Am I dead? Are you dead? WHERE ARE WE?

Comments (31)
  1. Here’s hoping for some David-Bowie-in-Labyrinth-level bulge!

  2. So he’s one of those religious dicks?

  3. I also love to show off my Star Trek lunchbox.

  4. I’ll just leave this here

  5. I hope it’s Church of All Worlds.

    The Church of All Worlds is a neo-pagan religion founded in 1962 by Oberon Zell-Ravenheart and his wife Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart. The religion evolved from a group of friends and lovers who were in part inspired by a fictional religion of the same name in the science fiction novel Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein; the church’s mythology includes science fiction to this day. They recognize “Gaea,” the Earth Mother Goddess and the Father God, as well as the realm of Faeries and the deities of many other pantheons. Many of their ritual celebrations are centered on the gods and goddesses of ancient Greece. Following the tradition of using fiction as a basis for his ideas, Zell-Ravenheart recently founded The Grey School of Wizardry inspired in part by Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the school in the Harry Potter novels.

  6. If ever there were an argument in favor of 3D…

  7. I like that he used the word “cumbersome” because it sounds like his last name.


  9. Adding Cumberbatch to the already overly handsome cast of Star Trek must just be a plot to make all fangirls (and just any girl) explode. I see through your dastardly plan, Abrams!

    And I am ok with it.

  10. So, he’s Presbyterian, right?

  11. ~~tossing a bucket of cold water on Kelly~~

  12. I haven’t had enough coffee for this

  13. I can die now if that’s something that needs to happen. Also let’s never use the word “lunchbox” again. For anything.

  14. I had a dream last night that I was hanging out with Cumberbatch and Idris Elba (!) and they were starting a band (!) and Idris was an awesome drummer and looked hot but Cumby had about 4 or 5 keyboards and synths and was doing some emo spoken word stuff and handed out fake cell phones to everyone in the club but they didn’t work and neither one of them tried to have sex with me.

  15. please, that’s a Robin Williams joke. just stop it, Cumberbatch! no one likes you!

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