Man, can you believe that there’s going to be a movie about the Lance Armstrong scandal? A three-part Oprah confession special, sure, but I just cannot believe that anyone is deciding to spend any more time and attention on this liar, especially considering the fact that he doesn’t even seem to be at all remorseful just kidding! Obviously there is going to be a Lance Armstrong movie. From /Film:

Paramount and J.J. Abrams‘ Bad Robot have noticed the dramatic potential in this new version of events, and are eagerly preparing to bring it to the big screen. The companies have just closed a deal for the screen rights to Cycle of Lies: The Fall of Lance Armstrong, an upcoming biography by Juliet Marcur.

A sports reporter for the New York Times, Macur has been covering news about Armstrong for over a decade. She’s written about his recovery from cancer and his amazing seven consecutive Tour de France wins, all the way through to his persistent denials and then eventual admission of the doping allegations. Her book proposal was picked up by HarperCollins, and the finished product is scheduled to hit shelves in June.

So we can already assume that either Zac Efron or Mark Paul Gosselaar are going to take the Lance Armstrong role, right? I don’t want to trample all over anyone else’s guess about who it’s going to be, but in the interest of saving time and getting to the real thing of it let’s just agree that it will be either Zac Efron or Mark Paul Gosselaar and move on to coming up with some TAAAAGLIIIIIIIIIIIINES!

  • “Lance Armstrong? More like Lance Arm- not strong enough to win all the things that he won without cheating, or at least not good enough at riding a bike.”
  • “Live strong — at any cost.”
  • “Doping: It’s not just a thing that you think sounds like something you’d say someone was doing if you thought they were moping around like a dope.”
  • “You know what’s going to happen — or do you?”
  • “Tour de Lance.”
  • “In a world where everything was at once possible and impossible.”
  • “In a world where bicycles moved so fast they powered imaginations.”
  • “Do you get to see his butt? Maybe!”
  • “I want to believe.”
  • “Live strong.”

All of those are very good, but I believe that the Lance Armstrong tagline well runs pretty deep. Now it’s YOUR TURN! Have fun! Have a blast! NO CHEATING LOL

Comments (29)
  1. Live Strong or Die Hard*

    *with Bruce Willis as Lance Armstrong

  2. There’s something wrong with Esther. And also Lance.

  3. “The balls that launched a thousand bracelets.”

  4. Do you believe in dopes?

  5. 2 Fast, 2 Furious (Because of Roid Rage)

  6. “It takes balls to admit when you’ve made a mistake. Or does it…”

  7. Live Stronger

  8. With a title like “Cycle of Lies” do we even need a tagline? Can the tagline just be “Cycle of Lies” again?

  9. Pedaling bikes, peddling drugs.

  10. Seriously, we didn’t all realize what was going on this whole time when a cancer patient shames every other competitor in his sport out of the fucking blue?

    Duh Aficionado Magazine Presents: Cycle of No Doy

  11. Confessions of a Ball-Faced Liar

  12. Backpedaling it’s Way into Theaters Soon

  13. The Epic Schaudenfreude You Demanded for a Lying Athlete that Cheated in a Sport You Don’t Give Even Half a Shit About

  14. We’re (b)all counting on him.

  15. CYCLE OF LIES!!!!! That title is perfect, perfect, perfect. It reminds me of that baseball player’s (I don’t know which one, SORRY) reality show about him and his wife, “Hits and Mrs.” That’s a great title! I can’t believe that title had never been used before!

  16. “his amazing seven consecutive Tour de France wins”

    Possibly the least appropriate use of the word “amazing” I’ve seen in a while…

  17. Some men, they don’t know how not to win by taking a lot of drugs. It’s just something that’s in them, probably the drugs.

  18. Monster’s Ball

  19. I don’t care about cycling but I can’t stand cheaters.
    The only way I could watch a movie about Lance Armstrong is if they made it in the style of a Charlie Chaplin film.

  20. So what role is Lindsey Lohan playing?

  21. The only thing wrong he did was admitting the truth*.

    *This will be one of my 45 Lifetime movies that show that if you gave people insane hormones to do sport, watching sport matches could eventually be fun.

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