Kelly: Hey Gabe!
Gabe: hey kelly
Gabe: what is up?
Kelly: Oh not too much
Kelly: I’m trying to think of anything and I can’t
Kelly: Is there anything up with you?
Gabe: i saw a scary thing last night
Kelly: Uh-oh.
Gabe: i was walking my dog and this pick up truck came tearing around a corner right in front of us
Gabe: and jumped a curb
Gabe: sparks flying!
Kelly: !!!
Gabe: flew across the intersection, jumped another curb, and smashed into a hedge
Gabe: and THERE WAS NO DRIVER
Gabe: real.
Gabe: this is a real thing.
Kelly: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????????????????????

Kelly: What happened to the driver?!
Gabe: THERE NEVER WAS A DRIVER, KELLY, THAT DRIVER HAS BEEN DEAD FOR 20 YEARS
Kelly: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Gabe: seriously, though, there was no driver and it was the scariest
Kelly: Yeah that is very, very scary.
Kelly: You should move.
Gabe: i am going to move soon
Gabe: how early is too early to look for a new place? 10 months?
Gabe: you can start looking 10 months out, right? get your ducks in a row
Kelly: Right yeah. See everything that’s out there.
Kelly: Well, I’m sorry that nightmare happened to you.
Kelly: You can go lie down now if you want, I think we’ve chatted enough.
Gabe: oh sure, lie down and wait for some ghost truck to run over me?
Gabe: i’m never sleeping again
Kelly: Oof you’re right.
Kelly: Well I guess since you have so much free time now that you’ve given up sleeping
Kelly: We might as well talk about the SPRING BREAKERS TRAILER?
Gabe: might as well
Gabe: it is better than GETTING RUN OVER
Gabe: BY GHOSTS
Kelly: Is it though
Gabe: yes, kelly
Gabe: one day
Gabe: you will be faced with the prospect
Gabe: of being run over by ghosts
Gabe: and you’ll drop this childishly cavalier attitude
Kelly: Hahah
Kelly: I had dreams about ghosts for the past two nights, I wonder if they were ghosts trying to reach me to tell me to tell you to not walk your dog
Gabe: they did a terrible job
Kelly: Yeah really
Kelly: I don’t know how I was supposed to get that from a dream where a ghost was next to me and I touched its face
Kelly: Anyway the Spring Breakers trailer is very good

Gabe: it’s great, this is going to be a very important movie
Kelly: Cinema will in the future be studied in terms of pre-SB and post-SB.
Kelly: I don’t understand what the movie is
Kelly: A group of girls love Spring Break so much that they have to team up with James Franco so they can all steal money and have Spring Break for the rest of their lives?
Gabe: from MTV’s post about the trailer:
Gabe: As you can see, there is a lot going on in this movie.
Kelly: Hahahaha
Gabe: that about sums it up
Kelly: yes
Gabe: it’s weird that everyone is so focused on vanessa hudgens and james franco
Gabe: what about gucci mane?!
Gabe: he is clearly growing as an actor
Kelly: Oh yes
Kelly: You can see the potential in each 1 second shot of his face
Gabe: honestly, the thing that is exciting to me about a movie like Spring Breakers
Gabe: is that i like Harmony Korine
Gabe: not always
Gabe: but i do think he is mostly pretty interesting
Kelly: Sure
Gabe: and it is always kind of fun when some weirdo like him makes something
Gabe: that is appealing to a broader audience of people
Gabe: than, say, Trash Humpers
although I promise that if Vanessa Hudgens had been in Trash Humpers more people would have seen it
Kelly: Hahaha
Gabe: also i am just kidding
Gabe: what is exciting to me about a movie like Spring Breakers
Gabe: is THE BABES
Kelly: Right I was going to say
Kelly: “The boobs?”
Gabe: “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE BABES!”
Gabe: that is what they say
Gabe: in the very realistic court room scene
Kelly: Hahahaha
Gabe: where four women are presented to the judge in bikinis

Gabe: “your honor, as you can see, these women are guilty of being total babes.”
Kelly: “Your honor, if being super hot is a crime, I formally plead don’t want to be not guilty.”
Kelly: “Your honor why so ‘spicious”
Gabe: you are the worst lawyer
Gabe: here is how bad you are at being a lawyer
Gabe: somehow those babes would be found NOT GUILTY of being babes in the first degree
Gabe: if you were the lawyer on the case
Kelly: NAH-UH!
Kelly: I’m a great lawyer they would’ve been found guilty as charged and then the judge would’ve said, “Take them to jail, and thanks for the mammaries.”
Gabe: “your honor, oh, whoops, hold on, I seem to have spilled my briefcase all over the courtroom”
Kelly: And I would have said, “ENOUGH.”
Gabe: “please, your honor, just bear with—argh, my coffee! all over my shirt!”
Kelly: “Your honor, as you can see the defendant is leading the witness, please acquit us to jail.”
Gabe: “ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my name is kelly. you decide.”
Gabe: that is your closing argument
Kelly: hahahaha
Gabe: do you think james franco will get an oscar for his role as Riff Raff in 127 Spring Breaks?
Gabe: he’s a chameleon!
Kelly: Yes I do think that.
Gabe: well, you’re wrong, that was a trick question
Kelly: Aw dangit.
Gabe: the oscar will go to taylor lautner
Gabe: for his reprisal as
Gabe: “Nathan” in Abduction 2
Gabe: everyone knows he should have won it for Abduction 1
Gabe: but this is his year, they’ll make it up to him this year
Kelly: I generally don’t like it when they do things like that but I guess in that case I do think it’s a wrong that should be righted.
Kelly: Though it just means they’ll have to give the Oscar to James Franco for his role in Spring Breakers Forever
Gabe: kelly, what’s the craziest thing that ever happened to YOU on a spring break?
Gabe: JUST KIDDING I DON’T CARE
Kelly: :(
Gabe: hey kelly, what’s the craziest thing you ever did on spring break? leave your thoughts in the comments!
Gabe: JUST KIDDING DON’T YOU ALREADY TOLD ME ABOUT SOME DREAM YOU HAD THAT WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH
Kelly: :’(
Kelly: I’ve never been on a spring break.
Kelly: Have you?
Kelly: Did they have spring break when you went to school
Kelly: Or did they just have DINO BREAK?
Gabe: yes
Kelly: WHERE YOU GOT TO RIDE DINOS
Kelly: CAUSE IT WAS SUCH A LONG TIME AGO

Kelly: Got you back!
Gabe: it was still called spring break you IDIOT
Kelly: OH.
Kelly: :(
Gabe: the only difference was
Gabe: you didn’t go to Cabo
Gabe: you went to Southeast Pangea
Gabe: also Senor Frogs was called Senor Beelzebufo Ampingas
Kelly: hahahah
Kelly: Very good
Kelly: Sounds like a blast.
Kelly: Well what else about the spring breakers trailer
Kelly: Anything?
Kelly: I don’t understand it
Kelly: Do they murder people a lot or did they just murder people once
Gabe: SPOILER ALERT
Kelly: Whaaaaaaaaaa??????
Gabe: SPROILER BRALERT
Gabe: what don’t you understand, kelly? besides everything always?
Kelly: Just every single thing about the trailer.
Kelly: Are they friends or frenemies first of all
Gabe: they’re babes
Gabe: stop asking so many questions
Gabe: you’re ruining this for everyone
Kelly: Do they spend all the money they get robbing the convenience store on a party bus?
Kelly: How did the store have that much money also who else are the people on the party bus
Gabe: ugh
Gabe: have you ever seen a movie trailer before?
Kelly: I feel like I haven’t
Gabe: you’re not supposed to know every boring detail
Gabe: you’re just supposed to see the babes
Gabe: and get excited to see more of the babes
Gabe: it’s called MOVIES
Kelly: Well I guess I am excited to see more of the babes
Kelly: James Franco and Gucci Mane
Kelly: Gimme more of those teeeeeeeeth!
Gabe: this movie has something for everyone

Comments (52)
  1. Can’t wait for the soundtrack where that one guy mouth-breathes “spring break” into the microphone every 15 seconds.

  2. Are Canadians not allowed to see this movie at all? I mean, of course it won’t let us see this particular video because we aren’t allowed to see anything, but I couldn’t find an alternate version on youtube in the 3 seconds I spent searching. Has Canada been perma-banned from spring break???

    *Topics to discuss with your very real Canadian internet girlfriend.

  3. I never went on Spring Break, the most exciting thing I did during reading Week was spending the entire week alone in a library writing an essay on The Norman Invasion for which I received a cool 73%.

  4. Everything I know about spring break I learned from Say What Karaoke and that episode of Gilmore Girls where Rory and Paris kiss at a Shins concert, so I think this movie will be very educational for me.

    • I love how MTV used to broadcast from a beach for a whole week. And all their game shows would take place in bathing suits. Maybe they still do this.

      I have also never been to spring break, but from what I have learned through television and now this trailer, it looks like a horrifying nightmare. And sticky.

      Remember when Ross from Friends went on spring break with Elizabeth?

      • They also came to Seaside Heights one year – they did it twice in the summer (this is preJersey Shore of course) but once for spring break. New Jersey is not warm in the spring. I remember (I think I was in 7th grade) and my mom brought me over to walk by and see what was going on and we were wearing coats and these freezing girls were in bikini tops and shorts and it was like 50 degrees out and cloudy.

    • I loved that Paris was on Bunheads this week. Now all we need is Kirk!!

  5. I just want to say I will be laughing about this for YEARS to come, unless Kelly fails to tell me what the ghosts are trying to warn me about so one of them takes matters into his own ecto-hands and gets in a truck and drives it down a sidewalk in an attempt to deliver the message personally and end my laughter, which he sees as disrespectful of the dead presumably:

    Gabe: have you ever seen a movie trailer before?
    Kelly: I feel like I haven’t

  6. I’m pretty sure that Manti Teo’s girlfriend was driving that truck that Gabe saw, but she evaporated / got sucked into the air like in “The Forgotten” at the moment that deadspin published their story that she didn’t exist.

  7. “But will it be better than Gummo?” – Steve Winwood

  8. Props to Harmony Korine for finally having the courage to expose the fact that America will be interested in w/e confusing garbage as long as you add some hot, nubile young babes to it. What a revelation!

  9. I think it’s nice James Franco is spending time on Spring Break since he’s concurrently attending and teaching at approximately 30 different colleges.

  10. What kind of spring break are they going on where they need to stage robberies to get money? Get a campus job and open a savings account like the rest of us!

    • And who even has time to go anywhere for spring break? Papers are do right after you get back, ya’ll! (They said ya’ll way too much in this trailer. It’s weird.)

      • One thing that bugs me a lot is when movies and tv shows overuse the word “y’all” to show that something is takes place in the south. There is more to the south than y’all!

        • Yes! There’s fried food and people with hard to understand accents and football…

          • And me! I have lived in the south for most of my life. Even though my state still does things that really piss me off, I have grown to really love it. The most southern thing I’ve ever experienced was in high school. We had a day called Ag Day, where the agriculture classes got to show off their animals and other projects They had welding, woodworking, and all kinds of other stuff.. They also had chainsaw races, and the people who were in choir sang country songs. Each club would have some kind of booth, and you just spent all day outside. It was amazing, and one of the few things I miss about high school. Also, there was a club at my school whose initials were LSD. At Ag Day, they had a bake sale. Whoops!

  11. “Hudgens did a Korine movie? Fuck it — get Michael Haneke on the phone.”

  12. I bet Kevin Federline is pretty psyched that they got James Franco to play him.

  13. I seriously have no idea what just happened in that trailer. Was it nothing? Was it something? Was the “…Baby One More Time” singalong at the end meant to make me smile or cower in fear? Nothing makes sense anymore.

  14. Hahaha, at the end of that trailer, when the girls are, like, drunk and, like, singing Britney??? That’s totally me and my friends! I have to see that movie! — what the producers of this movie think young women think

    • Of all the things that don’t make sense in this, and that’s just about everything except the metaphor of James Franco’s character being named “Alien” (so obvious, guys!), that part makes the least amount of sense. It seems like it’s part of an entirely different movie, one without girls in bikinis in a court room and Gucci Mane.

  15. By the looks of that screenshot, Franco has gone full Federline.

  16. I’m not gonna lie- this is going into my netflix queue

  17. Harmony Korine is making movies now to finance his other projects which have gotten shittier over the years. He peaked with Gummo and Julian Donkey Boy.

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