What is going on over there?! “Over there” meaning I guess the Washington D.C. but also “over there” meaning anywhere people write and sign a joke petition to begin the construction of a Death Star on the White House’s “We the People” website. A Joe Biden TV show sure, BUT THIS? (Just kidding. Obviously it is this. I can’t believe it isn’t all this.) From The Hollywood Reporter:

The Galactic Empire shot a rhetorical tractor beam at the White House on Tuesday, issuing a statement that mocked President Obama’s decision not to pursue the construction of a Death Star.

The Obama administration said Friday that it would not build the planet-sized superweapon despite a robust petition effort, citing its distaste for the destruction of planets, among other reasons. The “Empire” — via a playful statement on StarWars.com — claimed that the decision confirmed its “overwhelming military superiority” and dismissed the White House’s claims that the Death Star’s construction — estimated to cost $850 quadrillion — would increase the deficit.

Uh, how about quit it with all the cute Star Wars humor and DO YOUR JOBS, WHITE HOUSE! AND ALSO LET THEM DO THEIR JOBS, NERDS! But while we’re on the subject: Maybe we should do one of these petitions? Someone already did a petition to have Piers Morgan deported because he’s going to take away all the guns, right? So I guess we can’t do that one…hmmm…Maybe we can start a petition to allow Krispy Kreme to keep his God-given name, even though he doesn’t need it? Maybe we can sign one to bury the whole Internet underground on the moon? Or maybe we can sign one to make it mandatory that Clueless closets are provided in all Brooklyn apartments, or we can sign one to have the government have to put a lot of money towards researching how to do the thing where Sabrina the Teenage Witch points a finger at herself and she’s ready for the day? I don’t know, but I do think we should get in there and start wasting everybody’s time because Lord knows it’s going to be wasted by SOMEONE and it might as well be us just kidding I don’t think we should do this at all.

Comments (31)
  1. Oh, definitely the Clueless closet one.

  2. We can’t have the White House wasting their time working on Clueless closets when the Sabrina point technology will soon render them obsolete.

  3. Can they figure out how to make it so that if you press the tips of your fingers together you freeze time and then press you palms together and it’s unfrozen? And also how to get your dad to communicate through a glass brick? Probably the glass brick is more likely. I’m going to start there.

  4. Remember when Obama brought back Arrested Development? Surely he can do something about Veronica Mars…

    (Actually that isn’t a joke.)

  5. 5 Words: Secretary of State Topher Grace

  6. Do you guys realize that 5 of the 10 most popular petitions on whitehouse.gov right now are related to the Westboro Baptist Church and getting their tax exempt status removed/having them declared a hate group? That’s just sloppy activism, people. Make it one petition!

    https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petitions/popular/0/2/0

  7. Haven’t they promised to respond to (note: not “act on”) any petition that gets the requisite number of signatures? And now, in a development that surprises exactly no one, they are forced to write variously humourous and non-humourous letters to nerds who want to make it illegal to confuse ponies with miniature horses (RIP L’il Sebastian)?
    Direct democracy is dumb, people. This is why.

  8. Let’s start a petition for more sand.

  9. Maybe it would be more cost efficient to develop a TARDIS. Then we can go back in time and elect a better Congress or keep Justin Beiber from Youtube or the Kardashians away from television.

  10. To be fair, the Bill of Rights began as a Buzzfeed Article: 10 Amazing Amendments We Should Totally Have

  11. The internet is a powerful, unprecedented tool for initiating real world political and social change. It gives us, the average citizen, the ability to organize and be heard on a potentially massive scale by elected officials. If organized and united behind a single common issue, there would be no other option than for the average citizen to be taken seriouslyNVRMIND U GUYS LOL STAR WARS AMIRITE?!?!

  12. Did anyone read the response in full because the guy who wrote it did his job damned well. Sure it was Star Wars nerdy funny, but it was also full of all the badass things that NASA and other science programs are doing and ended with an encouragement for SF nerds to also be simply S nerds. Job well done, Chief of the Science and Space Branch of the White House Office of Management and Budget (christ that is a long title).

  13. Petition to force Gabe to write more about Manti Te’o

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