Imagine that you are not at your desk, or that you are not at your apartment, or that you are not sitting by the pool using your cruise ship’s wifi or wherever you might be. (If you are in the last place, though, you may want to opt out of this exercise. This exercise is intended for those wishing to meditiate and transport themselves to an idealized version of a snowball fight, and although a cruise may not be everyone’s favorite type of vacation it is certainly much better than being at work, and certainly much better than even the best snowball fight. Why are you on your computer right now anyway? You seem terrible. We don’t want you here, go away.) Imagine instead that you are somewhere in the world surrounded by beautiful strangers, each of them bedecked in fashionable and useful snow gear. Look down at yourself — you too are bedecked in the same. All around you, as far as you can see, the earth is covered in clean, fluffy snow. “What’s going on here?” you wonder, but before you can even attempt to answer the question yourself the first snowball is thrown. “Oh, it’s a snowball fight!” you realize. “Am I too old to be in a snowball fight? Isn’t everyone here too old to be in a snowball fight?” When you see multiple cameras shooting the action you come to the conclusion that the answer is both yes and no — yes, you are, everyone is, and no, no one is too old for any stunt when a video going viral on the ‘net is at stake. You pick up some snow and pack it into a tight ball and throw. It hits a lovely someone — your next love? Ah, you don’t even have time to consider that right now, you’re having too much fun in this beautiful snowball fight!

Breathe. Close your eyes. Open your eyes. Go get a coffee. Maybe go to the bathroom if you have to. You’re not in a snowball fight. I don’t know what you’re doing, but I can reasonably guess that you are not in a snowball fight because you are reading a computer. Namaste. (Via ViralViral.)

Comments (13)
  1. It turns out that even in my idealized fantasy version of a snowball fight, I still get hit in the eye by a chunk of ice at some point.

    • That’s why it’s much better to envision an idealized fantasy version of being inside drinking hot chocolate by a toasty fire. Seriously, everyone – cut out this nonsense. Can we please stop wasting time envisioning idealized fantasy versions of things that aren’t great and instead put that time to good use envisioning idealized fantasy versions of things that are spectacular?!

      Cue some nice classical music. Rachmaninoff? Mahler? Something a little dark so as to be interesting, but still relaxing. Oh, hey I have a giant mug of peppermint schnapps’d Hot Chocolate in my hand! And I’m under a blanket. Oh shoot the doorbell rings. NUTS, right? hahaha, no, I just remembered it’s the Pizza guy! LOL. Now I’m eating pizza.

      THAT is how you make a youtube video, you cold wet ball throwing jerks.

      • Right now I am fantasizing an ideal videogum comment. It has the right balance of edgy and accessible, in-joke and welcoming to outsiders, insightful and understandable, funny and hilarious. It instantly gets 200 upvotes, and Gabe, Kelly and Mary call me on a conference line to tell me that I have a new job and they will pay me $150k a year to write Videogum part-time, so I still have time to pursue my passion: Falling asleep on the couch in front of old episodes of Mythbusters with a glass of very high quality bourbon in front of me.

  2. Did you guys read Calvin and Hobbes when you were kids? You’re all cool and so I’m guessing you did. Well! I read Calvin and Hobbes ALL THE TIME (currently have an old newspaper cutout of a sunday Calvin and Hobbes in my office) and of course part of the greatest fantasy of snow was his elaborate snow-horror and snow forts and snowball attacks on Susie. Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that this is awesome and the Calvin and Hobbes part of my personality is SOOO jealous.

    The old, grumpy part of me is cold and tired and wonders what’s on TV during all of this.

  3. OMG you guys, I just went there for the joy of the snowball fight and I never expected to make it into the video:

  4. Umm, I just went and got a coffee and went to the bathroom before reading this post. And I am breathing. Kelly, are you in my cube?!??!?!

  5. Sorry Bobby, THIS was the best snowball fight ever.

  6. I just saw this today (sorry for the size) and it’s labeled: Three Princeton students pose after the Freshman, Sophomore snowball fight. 1893. Princeton , NJ .

  7. A snowball fight sounds absolutely terrible to me. But then again I hate cold, violence, wet hands, big crowds, confusion, things flying at my face, slipping on ice, wet feet, cold ears and the feeling of ice running down my butt crack. So maybe let’s just chalk this one up to “not my bag.”

  8. I love snowballs (I like throwing things) and I am very partial to a nice small snowball fight among friends. But what is the point of a huge snowball fight? There’s no real metric of “winning” unless it’s just attrition, and if it ends with one side cold and tired and not wanting to play anymore that’s a bummer.
    The victory of snowball fights is the pleasure of having your great hits and expert dodges seen and acknowledged (only possible in a small group), and you all laugh and have a great time and then mutually agree to go inside for hot chocolate while you’re all still happy. That is the way you’re supposed to have fun.

    I am from Canada, you guys. I have lots of opinions about snow activities.

    • As a mainer, and therefore oft-conflated with canadians, I agree. definitely more snowball party than snowball fight. Also was a bit too MTV prime-demographic-y and spring-break-y to ring true as idealized for me.

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