When I was in junior high, I really loved Ray Bradbury. One of my favorite Bradbury stories is the classic “A Sound of Thunder.” If you’ve never read it, it’s about a guy in the future who goes on a time traveling dinosaur safari. The company that organizes the trips has carefully timed them so that hunters only shoot dinosaurs moments before they were about to die of natural causes anyway. Everyone takes pictures with their kills and then removes the bullets and leaves the world exactly as they found it so as not to disrupt the space-time continuum. But the story’s hero (or anti-hero, I guess), freaks out and runs off the pre-determined path, and when they return to the present everything has changed because the man trampled a butterfly. It’s a great story, especially when you’re 12. You can read it here.

Or you could spend two hours watching a much worse but arguably even more entertaining (due to insanity) take on chaos theory. I am talking, of course, about the Ashton Kutcher vehicle, The Butterfly Effect.

The Butterfly Effect starts with the youthful experiences of a boy named Evan, who suffers from blackouts. He also suffers from having an almost comically bad childhood. For example, his best friend’s father is a child molester/pornographer, who forces Evan to participate in a movie in his basement. A few years later, he and his friends MURDER a woman and her baby when they put TNT in her mailbox as a prank. Then one of his friends hits him in the face with a two-by-four and sets his dog on fire. You know, kids stuff. Also, his dad is crazy and, on their very first meeting in a psych ward, tries to kill him. Eventually, Evan grows up (now he is Ashton Kutcher) and goes to college where he is a math genius. Right. One night when he is about to fuck some girl he met at the bar, she asks him to read to her from his childhood diary, which is when he discovers that he can time travel. SURE. Later, when a visit to his childhood friend (and unrequited love, and child porno co-star) Kayleigh results in her killing herself, Evan tries to go back in time to fix the problems of the past and save her. He Diary JUMPERs into his childhood body right before the porno shoot and puts an end to it, and when he comes back to the present, not only is Kayleigh alive again, but now Ashton Kutcher is a frat boy! Time travel! But then Kayleigh’s disturbed brother Tommy, who was disturbed and is still disturbed, tries to beat Ashton Kutcher up, Ashton Kutcher ends up MURDERING HIM WITH A BASEBALL BAT AND GOING TO JAIL AND GETTING RAPED. Eventually, Evan goes back in time again and fixes the past so that he’s back in college again, but this time Kayleigh is a heroin addict prostitute. And on and on. Every time he tries to fix the past, things keep getting worse, or if not worse then at least bad in different ways. For example, this way:

Whoops! He Butterfly Effected his arms away! This is even worse than when Gwyneth Paltrow Sliding Doorsed her hair a different color!

I don’t want to SPOIL the ending of the movie for you, but you have had 14,000 years to see it, and it’s one of the most amazing things that I have ever seen. I am posting it here. You been had warned.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

UN.
FUCKING.
BELIEVABLE.

Obviously we don’t need to talk about the acting. Criticizing Ashton Kutcher for his acting is like complaining that the food at the Olive Garden isn’t very good. When you walk through those doors, be they Olive Garden doors, or Ashton Kutcher in a dramatic role doors, you should know what to expect. There are, however, plenty of other things to criticize the movie for. For example:

I guess it could be kind of confusing to keep track of all the different Ashton Kutchers. Because sometimes he has a full beard and sometimes he just has a chin beard! That’s Chaos Theory for you. A butterfly flapping its wings in one part of the world can forever alter the way Ashton Kutcher shaves! But I think I get it. I don’t really need a prop ham-handedly inserted into every single shot of the movie to remind me of who the main character is. Nevertheless:

Phew. Now I get it. At first I thought this movie was ridiculous and insane, but the necklace keeps me grounded.

But the most important and obvious and ridiculous problem with this movie is its entire premise. Time travel is a real mindfuck, and as soon as you start thinking about it, things get painfully complicated, but if you are going to make a movie about it YOU SHOULD TRY AND THINK ABOUT IT FIRST. Like, OK, every time Ashton Kutcher JUMPERs back to the present, he gets a terrible headache and a nosebleed from all of the new memories cramming their way into his brain. Because, as we know, most brains can only accept 160 gigabytes of information, and that’s IF we use a doubler. But, let’s say that I’m willing to accept that Ashton Kutcher can travel back in time by reading his diary out loud. And let’s say that I’m willing to accept that when he gets back to the present, after changing the past, that he gets a nosebleed and a headache with all of the new memories overwriting the past. What I am not willing to accept is that he carries the new memories along with the old ones. If he has changed the past, then he has also changed the present. Completely. Not just his wardrobe. So when he Diary Jumpers himself out of prison, he should never remember that he even went to prison in the first place, because he didn’t. But in this movie he does. Because this movie is fucking retarded.

Or the fact that whenever Ashton Kutcher changes the path of history, he only changes it in very specific ways that affect three people’s clothing and hairstyle choices, while everything else remains the same, despite the fact that the world is made up of vastly interconnected dependent relationships to which the slightest adjustment of any would bring entirely different worlds into existence. i.e. the whole idea behind the Butterfly Effect in the first place.

Or the even simpler fact that Ashton Kutcher’s character is the type of person who would put TNT in a woman’s mailbox and not say anything as she walked to her own death, or would beat his girlfriend’s brother’s face in with a baseball bat, which ends up making this a movie about honor suicide rather than some kind of star-crossed time travel love story, because what the fuck? Why didn’t he Butterfly Effect himself to before any of this happened and get himself some fucking therapy?

And on and on. Trying to logically think through the complications of time travel gives ME a headache and pretending like this movie makes sense gives me a nosebleed.

All of that being said, I actually highly recommend this movie. If I could Butterfly Effect myself back in time by reading my childhood diaries, if I had childhood diaries, I would correct the mistake of not having seen seen this in the theater. Seriously, just thinking about how many amazing Butterfly Effect jokes I would have made in the intervening years but didn’t because I didn’t know to make them is a tragedy. A tragedy I would happily trade Ashton Kutcher’s arms to correct.

Next week: Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever. As always, please leave your suggestions in the comments or in an email. And if you haven’t done so already, please consult the Official Rules.

Comments (148)
  1. zach  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +5

    This may be bad, but i think this may be the WMOAT: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Boss's_Daughter
    It stars ashton kutcher, tara reid, carmen electra and molly shannon.
    It was directed by the guy who directed the necessary scary movie sequels.
    It changes from night to day within the same scenes.
    No more information is needed.

  2. devin  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +12

    always with the beards, gabe!

  3. I know this must get old for Gabe, but I hope the hunt never ends. My Monday afternoons would never be the same.

  4. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  5. I was very creeped out by this movie when I finally saw it about 3 weeks ago. Some one that had something to do with this movie has something against kids. 5 dead babies counting the 3 miscarriages, child pornography, child molestation,child physical abuse. Ugh. To make life simpler he could of just went back in time and told all of the assholes parents to use condoms.

  6. Can we go back in time to before Twitter was a thing, and stop it from being invented, so that Ashton can never beat CNN to a million followers?

  7. RunBMC  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +11

    Gabe – I have no idea just how bad it actually is (though it’s reputation is pretty awful) but your 12-year-old self’s beloved SOUND OF THUNDER was made into a movie in 2005. Peter Hyams directed Ben Kingsly and Edward Burns this glorious adaptation. A possible WMOAT contender?

    • HT  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 +4

      The Ed Burns vehicle “A Sound of Thunder” is amazingly bad. Fantastically bad. It’s an expensive movie that looks cheap. It is time-travelling plot holes and sci-fi cliches. It is craptastic.

      I actually submitted it for WMoAT a few months back. I continue to support its candidacy.

  8. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  9. susanne  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +8

    olive garden is delicious and can you please post in utero kutcher hanging himself with the umbilicle chord from the director’s cut?

  10. susanne  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 -14

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  11. here’s another interesting tidbit that makes this already ridiculous movie EXTRA RIDICULOUS TEXAS STYLE.

    Considering fetal lungs don’t work, I’m pretty sure that a fetus cannot self-asphyxiate. On the other hand, most fetuses grow up unaware if they’ll turn into Ashton Kutcher.

    • KM  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 +8

      Well, strangulation does not necessarily, or even most commonly, work by asphyxiation. It can also work by sufficiently reducing bloodflow to the brain for long enough.

      Of course, in the case of self-strangulation, that requires managing to maintain pressure on the neck after you’ve passed out. Can fetuses pass out? And, if so, could a fetus reduce bloodflow to his brain so much that, even after he passes out and his grip relaxes and bloodflow resumes, he still dies?

      Also, do fetuses have the muscle strength and finger dexterity to grasp an umbilical cord and tighten enough to strangle himself.

      My point is, I think this movie is already EXTRA RIDICULOUS TEXAS STYLE, even without the lungs thing.

      • cazmoore  |   Posted on Apr 22nd, 2009 0

        Umbilical cords are pretty damn hard. That wartons jelly (yellow stuff) that covers the arteries and vein is pretty hard. Takes a few good cuts to get through it. The problem is, a fetus can pass out from cord compression (contractions) utero placental insufficiency and many other things? the problem is the lack of oxygen getting to the vital organs ? brain and heart. Even if he wasn?t dead when he came out, he?d be mentally retarded.

        So, no, babies can?t grab the cord tight enough to stop blood in the umbilical cord, at least not with their finger grasp (it is pretty strong though ? it?s one of the first assessments checked)? still a dumb movie.

  12. ThomBoh  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +4

    Yeah, I remember I was working at a Cineplex when A Sound of Thunder came out… we had it for all of one week.

    And it has a 4/10 on imdb

    Gabe, please say you’ll look into it!

  13. amy  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +20

    I also thought it was extremely weird that no matter what Ashton Kutcher does, kids just can’t stop murdering. He tells Lennie to save his dog by cutting the rope, but INSTEAD he stabs Tommy with a piece of jagged metal. oops!

  14. I don’t want to write a long post defending The Butterfly Effect, but let me just say: The Butterfly Effect can be two totally different movies, depending on how you put the DVD in your DVD player. The director’s cut is on one side of the disc and the theatrical cut is on the other side of the disc. The theatrical cut shows that the studio was smart enough to edit the retarded movie you saw into an enjoyable movie, by basically removing all the “he has no soul, he’s destined to die” shit and all references to his father and grandfather, and changing the ending, to exactly what you said the ending should’ve been: “Why didn’t he Butterfly Effect himself to before any of this happened and get himself some fucking therapy?”

    In the theatrical ending, he goes back to the first time he met the girl (via a birthday party video) and just says something mean to her so he never sees her again. Then he has a relatively normal life, because most of those problems were a result of him knowing her and her crazy brother and pedodad. Then future him burns all of his journals and records of his childhood so he can’t ever jump back again. Then the final scene is like 10 years later in NYC and he’s on the phone with his wife walking home from work and he passes the girl, who he recognizes from the parallel timelines (even though this is technically the only time they’ve ever met, save for the birthday party) and it cuts right before we see wether or not he approaches her or she recognizes him. It wasn’t a bad ending.

    Also, all of your nitpicky stuff about the childhood being unrealistic is nitpicky, Gabe! Some people have shitty childhoods. It would be a less interesting movie if he was just undoing that time he cheated on his SATs or whatever.

    • i have to agree
      while the theatrical cut was bad, it was, unlike the director’s cut, watchable; and had a lot less non-sense (“a lot less non-sense” as in “a 12oz can has a lot less coke than a two liter bottle”)
      but then again, i watched this film twice on purpouse, so you probably shouldn’t pay me much attention

    • Yeah that’s the only way I’ve ever seen this movie. It was on HBO or STARZ and I thought it was your basic “altering the past to change the future” stuff. I mean, would you fault “Back to the Future” for its time travel mechanics?

      I know I know, Back to the Future is great and blah blah, but why would successful businessman/author George McFly live in the same exact location, and why would Marty McFly want the same exact car and blah blah blah. If you’re going to watch a “Change the past to change the future” movie you have to take, for granted, that the changes in the past won’t eliminate the impetus to effectuate those changes in the new present.

      Basically, time travel is impossible. It’s a fantasy, the same way dragons and mermaids are a fantasy. To point to time travel conundrums themselves as a flaw is to miss the forest for the trees. Also, I think you ripped of Roger Ebert’s review of this movie in your 10th paragraph. I also think Ebert is the best! Imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery!

    • And then in that last scene where he passes the girl on the street in New York, that Oasis song starts playing, and when I saw this movie in theatres I started crying at that part and the girl I was with did not speak to me again for the rest of high school. Or after high school.

    • Yeah, this version of the ending was…very UUUMMM.
      Gabe, you watched the wrong movie, and now you’ve Butterfly-Jumper-Diaryed yourself into being a bitter 67 year old. The director’s cut is bothersome.

      Honestly, I found the movie kind of disturbing, but laughed aloud when Hooker Amy Smart answered the door at her Hooker place and very obviously turned her head to show the audience her hideous scar that made her into a hooker. Butterflies!

      • I disagree. I mentioned this in last weeks WMOAT – watching the theatrical version all the way through and then repeating the last ten minutes or so on the director’s cut just to see that mindfuck at the end. And so I didn’t watch all the director’s cut, but I can’t imagine that either version is any less stupid. The movie was terrible no matter which version you see, but the director’s cut at least has the self-aborting fetus of Ashton Kutcher. So, please stop trying to defend this movie.

    • Lesley  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 +1

      Thank you. Your description matches the movie I saw in the theater–and saves me from thinking my crazy-brain made up an entire alternate Butterfly ending that didn’t exist. It would have killed me to learn that my subconscious had put that much effort into this film.

      (Even with the theatrical ending, though, I still thought the movie sucked.)

  15. I’m taking a math class called Chaos and Dynamical Systems. We study the Butterfly Effect. This movie gives me a headache and nosebleeds, too.

    I’m deleting my Twitter account because of how much I want to distance myself from Ashton.

  16. Adam  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +8

    If anyone likes Time Travel movies, I highly recommend the best movie of the genre: PRIMER. Shane Caruth’s only movie is genius. No special effects, minimal budget, infinite mind-fucking possibilities.

  17. Ben  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +31

    That necklace is my constant

  18. From what I gather this is the ultimate pro-abortion movie.

  19. oops  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +12

    Is it wrong that I laughed at the fetus strangling itself with the umbilical cord?

  20. You touched on the fact that this movie doesn’t really understand the concept it takes its name from, but what really irks me is that what happens in the movie is not just something other than The Butterfly Effect but the complete opposite of it. (Ashton Kutcher changes fairly major things causing relatively minor, very specific changes instead of seemingly inconsequential actions changing the world)

  21. At 0:56 you can hear the canned children’s laughter that they use for every show and movie ever. Who are those kids? Why can’t they get real kids to laugh? I have been noticing that same laughter in shows since I was little. Am I the only one?

    On a less irrelevant note, this totally continues my theory that Amy Smart makes everything suck. Because she sucks, and her face is dumb.

  22. RunBMC  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +13

    Is there anything funnier than 6-yearold Kaley (Kalie?) picking up the lit stick of dynamite and excaliming “Sparklers!!”? I think not.

  23. I will say that time travel is the Worst Genre of All Time.

  24. Tommy: “You forgot to put the toaster on the ledge”

    Amputee Ashton: “Lenny likes Pop Tarts”

    COMEDIC ZING!

  25. PJ Beardsley  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +5

    THE LEGEND OF BAGGER VANCE: racist AND revolting

  26. lolsome  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 -2

    So if he remembers all of the memories that then didn’t actually happen, technically fetus Ashton fucked bitches and did other inappropriate adult things because CREEPY?

  27. isnt there a part in this where Ethan Supplee becomes a Fabio-like lady killer? Definitely deserves LOL mentioning.

  28. thatgreatwar  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 -18

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  29. himay  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +4

    Nick and Norah! I’m campaigning every week for this.

  30. courtney  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +1

    Yea I agree the theatrical version is a lot more watchable than the director’s cut. It may be an unrealistic way of time travel but you would’ve done better by actually ripping apart the movie you keep mentioning ‘Jumper’ and I know I’m not alone on how lousy that movie was. Wonder why it hasn’t been mentioned yet?

  31. epiclady  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +3

    I’m still campaigning for “Life As A House”, but I have now added “Music and Lyrics” to the list. While “New York Minute” is up there, I think it’s too obvious a target and I’m not sure it adheres to the Rules.

  32. Wait what? Was I the only one not aware there was two cuts of this movie? That ending…that baby is so full of himself! What’s to say that the dad wouldn’t still be a pedophile…I think I just fell into another wormhole. It’s ok, I’ll see you guys yesterday!

  33. Btw I’m still petitioning for BELOVED.

  34. reminds me a bit of Vanilla Sky, which for some reason I liked.

  35. JBizarre  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 0

    Did you remember a stupid movie called “The Road to Wellville? It’s awful and completely wrong!! It earns at least a mention in the Hunt

  36. I love this blog so much. Godsend pretty awesome too – in the same vein as Butterfly Effect.

  37. I love Monday because of my discovery of this noble quest. Godspeed Gabe. I would like to suggest:
    1. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde – My 91 year old grandfather was watching this when I walked into his house and he turned to me and said, “This tv show is piece of shit.” So right, but so wrong.
    2. The Women (2009), but Hanging Up is very similar in its suckitude
    3. Just Married – ick

  38. You know…I saw this on Valentine’s Day, 05.

    I totally forgot that he aborted himself.
    *sigh*

    Romantic.

  39. sex and the city: the movie. please

  40. You know, I saw this on Valentine’s Day ’05. Romance was a buzz. I’m a little sad you didn’t do the awesome jiff of him running down the hospital or prison halls during an escape sequence. It was so muppety!

    Or, the classic, “OH MRS. WILLLLLLLLLLLLSON!’ hands through the dagger-sharp “school paper holders” that every teacher keeps on her desks around 2nd graders, resulting in prison stigmata. It also features my favorite character, the ultra-religious tattooed Mexican prisoner! Man…when he went, my heart broke.

    I didn’t realize there was even a “director’s” cut until this blog. Self abortion really drives home a point:
    Films should really only be made by filmmakers–MST3K, “Hobgoblins”, during the rake fight.

    You are doing holy work.

  41. What’s funny is that we’re talking about bad movies re: chaos theory, and you even mention the Bradbury story, yet the movie of which we speak isn’t A Sound of Thunder because holy shit, baboon lizards.

    GRANTED, nobody wakes up with missing limbs or goes back in time to kill himself in utero, but… well… BABOON FUCKING LIZARDS… the eventually grow wings and fly. Equally as ridiculous as fetal suicide, imo.

    (Nothing is as ridiculous as fetal suicide.)

    • I tried to Butterfly Effect myself into the past to prevent ever accidentially writing “the eventually” when I meant to write “that eventually,” but I couldn’t get the umbilical cord around my neck on account of my little baby arms.

  42. Olive Garden is the worst.

  43. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  44. I remember renting this movie, being thoroughly flabbergasted at how bad it was, but being fucking stoked that they played an Oasis song at the end (of the other version).

  45. I thought it was an awesome movie, in that weird sci-fi intruiguing-B-movie kind of way.

  46. Dan S  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 +4

    Ok, I came up with this like three posts ago, but I can’t stop thinking about it. YOU HAVE TO DO “THE FORGOTTEN!” Or else this column will be forgotten. Just like Ashton Kutcher’s memories should have been in this ridiculous movie.

  47. Ed Burns in A Sound of Thunder is shockingly bad. If you have not seen it, you really need to: FOR SCIENCE

  48. Kim  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 +7

    I’d actually like to believe this film is a poignant statement on Ashton Kutcher’s existence on this planet, that is, had he strangled himself in the womb the world would be a much, much better place. Someone get him a magic diary, STAT.

  49. Mick  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 -5

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • YES, FINALLY. All of you thumbs downers need to watch this movie again post the era of hype surrounding it. Serious piece of misogynist fantasy trash. It’s like Last Kiss but way way worse. It is implausible and insulting on many levels.

      And the cinematography is fucking horrible. So there.

      Mick, you are my soulmate.

  50. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  51. brian  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 -20

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • You sound like the Butterfly Effect’s Mom, stop defending, it’s embarrassing. Sometimes movie’s are terrible Brian, no matter how many tweens vote for them. You probably voted for the M&M Dance Crew over ACDC too.

  52. WMOAT consideration: She’s the Man. One of the worst movies I’ve seen in recent memory. Does Amanda Bynes count as a B- star? She was on All That!

  53. Plunko  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 +4

    I’ll second that. Cheap, low quality pastas and sauces loaded with MSG = not so delicious. Not to discount the heart clogging deep fried apps. Maybe it’s the law of harmful value that draws so many people: “…but you get breadsticks, and a big salad, and a huge steaming pile of shi…fettucini alfredo…”.

    • Plunko  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 +2

      Hmmm, that was supposed to be in reply to jacob666, in regard to Olive Garden being the worst. Doesn’t make any sense otherwise.

  54. Liz  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 0

    Hey there. I suggest “Fear”, starring Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon, as among the worst films ever made. It’s comedic genius if nothing else.

  55. has anyone nominated any of the Matthew McConaughey disasters? Like How to Lose a Guy in 10 days or Failure to Launch. The former is practically unwatchable. Then there’s Fools Gold and The Wedding Planner. Any of those is a winner in the Hunt. Jk Livin, man.

  56. I can’t believe I actually saw this in theaters when it came out. I remember hearing about the original ending, watching it and thinking about how awful-stupid the whole thing was. At least the theatrical ending made some sense; except for the whole memory retention thing. I think basic movie principle is take the common sense realistic route and go the other way. Actually, if they made that movie, they’d have a harder time because they’d have to have Aston discover his time-traveling abilities over-and-over-and-over again. I don’t really think there’s a way to make this movie better.
    I appreciate your logical approach to it, that changing the past would alter the future in ways we couldn’t ever imagine. Or that we’d really never be conscious of the changes.

  57. continuity error: fetus is not wearing necklace.

  58. I saw this movie on a date. That was the first omen. The second omen was when he actually liked it and tried to debate me on the film’s “merits”. Then I dated him for 9 months. Whoops, I lost.

  59. Krista  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 +1

    Here’s my weekly suggestion of Altered States & Swept Away. I know there’s some devoted following for Altered States not to be in the running but I really want to know why!

  60. GABE. YOU NEED TO ADD MADE OF HONOR TO YOUR LIST.
    And if your brain hasn’t exploded from that, continue on to Suburban Girl.

    • Oh, my bad. I just reacquainted myself with the rules and Suburban Girl wasn’t a theatrical release. Just blow your brains out with Made Of Honor then.

  61. Christa  |   Posted on Apr 22nd, 2009 0

    I hesistate to suggest that anyone else put themselves through this one, but I just lost 2 hours of my life to M. Night Shamalamadingdong’s The Happening. I’ll never get those hours back, but maybe you can prevent the same from “happening” to others by raising awareness of how awful this movie is with your lovely blog.

  62. Tamara  |   Posted on Apr 22nd, 2009 0

    Please cover Yentl in this section at some point. It’s one of the most ridiculous movies I’ve EVER seen.

  63. I think there is some confusion as to what TWMOAT should be. People are getting hung up on silly scripts that are otherwise filmed and acted decently. Yes, the premise and logic of this film is risible, but it’s just a garden-variety bad film.

    I still say the best 2 candidates are Indiana Jones 4 and Southland Tales. Those two have shown gross incompetence and many different levels, not simply screenwriting.

    I hope your headache goes away and your nosebleed stops, Gabe.

  64. Matt  |   Posted on Apr 22nd, 2009 0

    this may have been suggested many time before but… “Phantom Menace”?

  65. Matt  |   Posted on Apr 22nd, 2009 0

    this may have been suggested many times before but… “Phantom Menace”?

  66. Liam  |   Posted on Apr 23rd, 2009 +2

    I’ve managed to avoid this movie for many years now, but I must say I find it hard to argue with a movie whose moral is “For everyone to be happy, Ashton Kutcher must die.”

  67. Anniee451  |   Posted on Apr 23rd, 2009 0

    The theatrical ending was a lot better. I never watch the alternate baby-suicide ending.

    Also, I am really dumb because I like the movie lol.

  68. Doolittle  |   Posted on Apr 23rd, 2009 0

    Do not do How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. You may hate romantic comedies, but that was a good one. But please do rip She’s The Man to shreads. That was possibly even worse than Butterfly Effect.

  69. Hey! Ashton’s mom was Wanda from “Big Love”!

  70. bischoff  |   Posted on Apr 23rd, 2009 -13

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  71. PJ Beardsley  |   Posted on Apr 23rd, 2009 0

    OMG The Master of Disguise!!!! It’s a comedy without jokes! so terrible…

  72. Ashley  |   Posted on Apr 24th, 2009 0

    Blindness. Gabe, just do it.

  73. I’m not even gonna lie, this is definitely one of my so-bad-I-love-it movies. But only the director’s cut because I love the suicidal fetus.

  74. PJ Beardsley  |   Posted on Apr 24th, 2009 -1

    Baz Lurhman’s Romeo and Juliet is an awful film. when John Leguizamo is doing a soliloquy about his sword and then pulls a glock out with the word “sword” on it, that’s some funny s**t

  75. pete  |   Posted on Apr 24th, 2009 0

    Worst MOVIE EVER = HANCOCK.
    Hands down a Gigantic MESS!
    A great idea that they completely f’ed up

  76. PJ Beardsley  |   Posted on Apr 24th, 2009 -1

    There are so so many terrible movies. You’re gonna be watching these for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. speaking of which…
    SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW!!!

  77. I don’t have enough room for my nominations for this category. But I’ll put a vote in for Gigli.

  78. d-man  |   Posted on Apr 24th, 2009 -1

    STRANGE DAYS!!! It’s got lots of brain-hacking shit, (but unfortunately not Keanu Reeves, so that’s why it’s not even “haha, that’s so bad it’s funny” bad; it’s “Omg, i think I’ll burn my face off” bad).

    Plus, James Cameron was apparently super passionate about it, and thought it was his baby, or something creepy. Bruce Willis is to Huson Hawk, as James Cameron is to Strange Days.

  79. d-man  |   Posted on Apr 24th, 2009 0

    STRANGE DAYS!!! It’s got lots of brain-hacking shit, (but unfortunately not Keanu Reeves, so that’s why it’s not even “haha, that’s so bad it’s funny” bad; it’s “Omg, i think I’ll burn my face off” bad).

    Plus, James Cameron was apparently super passionate about it, and thought it was his baby, or something creepy. Bruce Willis is to Huson Hawk, as James Cameron is to Strange Days.

  80. Suggestion: the Terminal

  81. again, please do AT FIRST SIGHT

  82. Anna  |   Posted on Apr 25th, 2009 0

    nominating Silk. worst waste of $4 movie rental EVER.

  83. mmm yessss blindness so very much the worst.

  84. Color of Night  |   Posted on Apr 25th, 2009 0

    For a bad time, see COLOR OF NIGHT

  85. jen meyer  |   Posted on Apr 26th, 2009 +1

    Mission to Mars

  86. boots  |   Posted on Apr 26th, 2009 0

    Even though a lot of them are wretched, I don’t think any kind of cutesy candy-colored romantic comedies (for example, “Bewitched” w/ Kidman & Ferrell, which blows) can be truly considered for TWMOAT. Cause none of them aspire to anything, really. So like, as much as I want to see “Legally Blond 2″ or “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” eviscerated, there’s not even enough there to mock.

  87. Elephant

  88. i couldn’t agree more. i remember in college when people would tell me it was one of their favorite movies. i like the observation you made about the necklace haha.

  89. jin  |   Posted on Apr 27th, 2009 0

    this movie was all over TNT or TBS or FX this weekend, one of those channels, it was on like 15 times. After reading this, I had to watch it of course. I couldn’t m ake it through the entire movie, I’m not that strong but suffice it to say as insane and absurd and WORST and hilariously, unreal-y awful Gabe’s write-up m akes this movie sound, it does not prepare you for the reality of how bad it is. Everyone involved in this POS covers themselves in shame (Eric Stoltz).

  90. Reese   |   Posted on Apr 27th, 2009 +1

    I nominate “The Quiet” for WMOAT. Has anyone else seen it? With Elisha Cuthbert as a crazy daughter who is in love with her father and tells the not-actually-deaf girl all of her WAY too creepy secrets?

    I’m ashamed that I even saw it.

  91. I’ve never seen The Butterfly Effect, but I think I will just to see what all the ‘fuss’ is about. I did see The Last Kiss and I do agree with most of the points made, I don’t agree that Zach Braff is as unappealing as Gabe states. I haven’t seen the original foreign version but I hope it is much better than the American version. I wanted to say that all the females in TLK, were so one -dimentional, it made it difficult to see the male point of view as even slightly valid. However, I don’t think it was one of the worst films ever.
    I do nominate The Burbs. I saw it in the theater, I think I was 15, and it was AWFUL! The friend I went with liked it! It didn’t have a consistent idea of what kind of movie it wanted to be. Legal Eagles SUCKED, I also nominate whatever that movie was with Ben Affleck and James Gandolfini with the premise of being a Christmas movie. I actually took it out of my DVD player in 15 minutes. I NEVER do that, I suffer all the way through, just to see if a film has any redeeming qualities. That said, I just remembered another film I HATED, Happiness. I don’t want to sympathize with a phone pervert or witness the result of his acts! Thanks for burning that image into my brain!!

  92. way to read way to much into this. its a fucking movie and it was very well done. i’m sorry you have this much free time on your hands…

  93. I think butterfly effect was a good movie! but second one is not so good..
    it happens everytime, second movie sucks..

  94. I liked this movie alot

  95. I used to have a friend and his favorite movie was The Butterfly Effect.
    Key word: USED.
    This movie deserves to be called nothing more than poop.

  96. this is one of the best science fiction movies ever made.
    You really suck at rating movies.

  97. I do not understand how people could not like this movie. I can understand there are several factors that don’t match to reality, but you must remember. IT’S A FUCKING MOVIE. The whole idea of a movie is to make the audience watch it. It is a complete joke that people would call this the worst movie ever. This is one of the better movies that has been made. If you want to see a crappy movie make one yourself because i can promise that you just made the crappiest movie ever. You guys really suck at rating movies. I bet a chimp can make better decisions then you. So you should do 1 of 3 things.
    1) Close the Site.
    2) Close the Site, get a mate, and get a real life.
    3) Leave the Site up, and have votes or polls determining what movies are in fact the worst movies ever.

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