If you were to ask me, “what’s something that Drew Barrymore has?” at any point in the past ten years I would have probably answered, “her own brand of wine,” but I would have been wrong. She didn’t. UNTIL NOW. From the official website (via BuzzFeed):

A fan of crisp, fruity white wines, Barrymore has created a wine that reflects her style and personality: fresh, dynamic and fun.

Sounds fun. (Also DYNAMIC!) Guys, you know Drew, she is a fan of crisp, fruity white wines. If you give her a white wine it better be crisp and fruity or you better have a pre-written apology letter stamped and ready to post. I’m just going to assume that the wine was created in honor of her family, but let’s make sure:

Drew Barrymore has created this wine in honor of her family. Her travels throughout Italy inspired her to create a Pinot Grigio that she enjoys with family and friends, and hopes that you will as well. A portion of the proceeds from the purchase of this wine will benefit charity.

Nailed it! You know what’s really neat? Legally you can say that a portion of the proceeds from a purchase go to benefit charity and as long as you don’t say what portion you don’t have to publicly disclose how much money you actually gave. It can be pennies on the dollar! OR LESS! For all we know, 0.00000000000% of the purchase price of every bottle of the fun and kicky new Drew Barrymore Pinot Grigiot goes directly to the “Drew Is Pretty Fund.” It’s a dope way to make yourself seem like a good person without any of the hassle of actually being a good person. CLASSIC DREW. Love her. Love wine. Love her wine.

Comments (33)
  1. So is she quirky Gwyneth now?

    • I think Drew owned quirky before Gwennie started gooping. Drew married a bartender for @ 30 days and Tom Green (!) for @ 3 months. She’s also known as a switch hitter. Gwennie seems downright boring by comparison.

  2. I’m not impressed because I would describe my favorite wines as “crisp, fruity white wines”, and I am a wine idiot.

  3. That hat she’s holding is pretty neat. Wake me up when she creates her own line of hats.

  4. Shouldn’t she not be drinking? I read her bio and my take away was maybe she shouldn’t be drinking

    • Yes — or she could have capitalized on her personal and ancestral alcoholic history, by unveiling the Barrymore Family Wine label. Should have a picture of John Barrymore on it, perhaps with this legend:

      One night, while drunk, he accidentally went into a women’s restroom, instead of a men’s room, and proceeded to relieve his bladder in a potted plant. A woman standing nearby reminded him that the room was “for ladies exclusively.” Turning around, his penis still exposed, Barrymore responded, “So, madam, is this. But every now and again, I’m compelled to run a little water through it.” (P.s.This incident later made its way, verbatim, into My Favorite Year (1982), where the Barrymore- inspired character of Alan Swann, played by Peter O’Toole, is involved in a similar situation.)

  5. I’m going to be in this area this weekend. It’s more known for good savignon blancs, not necessarily pinot grigios. The mineral soil of this section makes sav blancs really stand out. Actually, I’d say Yountville and the areas around the Alexander and Russian River Valleys make the best sav blancs… with a few nods to a couple places in Napa. But if she has the right clones and gets the right people to make it and uses steel barrels instead of oak, it might be okay to a broad audience. It probably won’t be good, but it probably won’t be that bad.

    Also, suffice to say, I’m an insufferable wine snob. I didn’t mean to become one, but a few years hanging out in wine country gets you to a perverse snobbery that does more harm than good. This being said, I’m going to drink Mill Creek 2011 like I am a member of their little club. (I am.)

    Also, I am so goddamn excited for this weekend.

    • Huh wuuuut the web site says it is made from Italian grapes?

      Also, why do I not like sauvingnon blanc, like, at all? It always tastes really boozy to me. I don’t understand how this is the major kind of California white. I’m definitely a chardonnay and pinot grigio person, is that bad? I actually had a really nice pinot grigio in the Russian River Valley (at Seghesio, yo) and I was like “this is not a proper California varietal, I am not allocating luggage space for $15 pinot grigio” AND NOW I REGRET IT VERY MUCH. End of story.

      • You could buy it online. it’s what I do. As a whole, I like very acidic foods and beverages, which apparently is part of the sav blanc taste spectrum… so pinots and chardonnays are too mellow for me. Have you tried fume blancs? Dry Creek Winery’s fume blanc is pretty decent and not that expensive. Also, I think I know this place. Their zinfandels are fantastic, but comically expensive.

  6. True story: I actually enjoyed a bottle of wine (and other things) with Drew while watching a movie once. She was wearing a hoodie and it was dark so I honestly did not know it was her the entire time, although it was bugging me that her voice sounded familiar and I couldn’t pinpoint it. It was kind of cool though, because to me she was just a nice, normal person who enjoyed wine and weird movies (The Holy Mountain) and was fun to talk to. It completely blew my mind when my friends clued me in on who she was later.

  7. “Stop comparing your sad little wine to me”

    -This Dandy

  8. $50, 100% pinot grigio. Crisp and dynamic, light sweet fruit, with more berry on the nose. While the earliest vintage came to prominence with its extra terroir, the younger bottles are known for their mild effervescence and are best paired with romantic comedies and that guy from the Apple commerciaaalzzz…

    HAHA I thought this was a great idea and then I stopped trying. I’m not a finisher, guys. I should’ve commissioned hotspur to write this comment for me instead. “Extra terroir” doesn’t even sound like a thing that exists! Oh man. Good times.

  9. They come in four-packs!

  10. It has the faintest soupçon of Reese’s Pieces and just a flutter of, like, a puréed butterfly.

  11. Am I the only one who is singing “I have the wine” to the Ace of Base song “I saw the sign”?

  12. Drew Barrymore’s, “I Have the Wine” is one of my favorite songs.

  13. At least it’s not a perfume line? Though maybe that’s what so dynamic about it. Good down the gullet and dabbed behind the ears.

  14. Really, this many comments and not a single “white whine” joke/reference/pun??

  15. Does the wine come with a warning label that it is not recommended for those who come from Irish, German, Scottish, British, Welsh, Finnish, Swedish, Norwegian or Icelandic genes? Oh, an Inuit and American Indian genes. Did I leave anyone out?

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