A lot of people will say, like, “Oh, I love Hannah Simone, I could watch her read the phone book and I would be happy.” People say that all the time, and Hannah Simone is one of the most common people they say it about. But no one ever really considers what it would be like to just watch someone do something like that. (Well, Andy Kaufman considered it, but he’s dead now, R.I.P., and we cannot ask him what he figured out.) It’s probably a little funny at first, and then painfully boring for most of the rest of the time, but a boredom laced with a certain degree of genuine concern and also fear. Of course, the meaning behind saying that you love Hannah Simone and could watch her read the phone book and be happy is that you would be happy to watch them do basically anything, and that you find them endlessly entertaining and capable of making even the most dry and boring material come to life. I’m not sure that I would actually want to watch Gary Busey read the phone book, or anyone for that matter, not even Hannah Simone unless we were married, in which case I support my wife in everything that she chooses of her own volition to do, but I am pretty happy to watch him (we’re back to Gary Busey alone, keep my wife out your brain) talk about just about anything because it is always pretty funny and unexpected, even if Gary Busey is basically the poster grown man for the mental health as it relates to gun violence discussion we are having in this country right now, right? Like, I mean, he is the type of crazy that we are imagining in our heads? And we all hope that he gets the help that he needs? But in the meantime, get him talking! In this case about Hobbits!

Wait, someone gave Gary Busey his own YouTube channel? Was it Richard Branson? I’m just trying to think of whoever is the richest and most successful person in all of showbusiness, because it had to be a genius of that caliber. Long has the technology of the Perpetual Motion Machine eluded us, until now. (Via Tastefully Offensive.)

Comments (16)
  1. Oh, the things that cassette recorder has taped.

  2. “Wide underwear”? Is that what he said?

  3. Is this an anti-psilocybin PSA? If not, they should consider.

  4. Does anyone know if they’re making another season of “I’m With Busey”? Tweet at me.

  5. And if you ever wondered where the love child of racist-grandpa-at-thanksgiving and scientology-rant-era-tom-cruise ended up…

  6. Tulsa’s favorite son, ya’ll.

    • artdork, are you a fellow Tulsan? The Buseys lived in our neighborhood growing up. My mother always shakes her head and says “I sure feel sorry for his mama” when she sees pictures of Gary…..

  7. I have never been sadder to not be able to watch a video than I am right now.

  8. I don’t mean to go all Tolkien-nerd, especially since I’ve never read any of the books, but isn’t calling Middle Earth “Land of the Hobbits” like calling the actual Earth “Land of the Japanese” or something? I mean, there’s more there than just hobbits.

  9. GAY = Good As You My and SOBER = Son of a bitch; everything’s real.

    my favorite busey-ism

  10. I get the feeling he could be talking about can openers or floor wax or tree bark and you’d get the same fantastic insights. Gary Busey should just explain everything from this point forward.

  11. Gabe, WHERE did you get this? My mascara is running down my face because I am laughing so hard I’m crying. “Apparatus?” “Packs of four?” “HOBBITISM?” Why is Gary Busey so darn lovable?

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