Hands up if you want to watch a sitcom starring Jessica Simpson, based on Jessica Simpson’s life. Ok great! Please keep your hands in the air. Now, hands up if you think that, even if a sitcom starring Jessica Simpson, based on Jessica Simpson’s life is not something you’d be interested in, and certainly not something targeted at you, the sitcom will do well because it is something that you could reasonably see any other human being choosing to watch. Everyone’s hands are in the air? No hands left at anyone’s side? Perfect! From Vulture:

Jessica Simpson is getting her own sitcom. NBC, Universal Television, and production company Electus are creating a pilot presentation of a comedy based on Simpson’s life, written by Paul Blart: Mall Cop scribe Nick Bakay. (ABC taped a sitcom pilot with Simpson back in 2004, but it never made it to broadcast. On that, she played a newscaster.) In a statement today, Electus chairman Ben Silverman said Simpson was “truly a modern-day Lucy,” so think about that for a while as you let the darkness wash over you.

“Remember when Lucy was famous mainly for gaining weight at this point, which was upsetting not because of the actual weight gained, obviously, but the fact that our culture is so toxic that weight gain mainly surrounding a pregnancy could attract such a strong, negative spotlight that it could propel someone who was once famous for singing and acting but who is otherwise not really doing anything anymore into stardom once again, and also not knowing the difference between chicken and tuna?” Hahah. That is someone reminded you about how Jessica Simpson on her sitcom is going to be a modern-day Lucy, in case you forgot. (One show that I WOULD watch, though, would be a shot-for-shot remake of Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica with actors cast from Craigslist.) (That is not a bad idea.) But so anyway it looks like NBC’s problems are solved, which is nice! #paulblart

Comments (22)
  1. I hope it’s called “The Simpsons.”

  2. Hey, can someone at Videogum HQ go into the backroom and dig up the Black Dahlia suicide gif? Last time I saw it, it was under that picture of malnourished kids Gabe used to post when he wanted to make a point.

  3. You guuuuys. It’s written by Nick Bakay!!! The Nick Bakay of Salem the Cat fame. This show can’t lose!!!

    • Salem Darko!

    • My roommate was flabbergasted that Sabrina the Teenage Witch was high on Hulu’s most popular list. I was flabbergasted that she doesn’t appreciate Sabrina. That was my go-to back in the day.

      • If you ever need to convince anybody to watch it, just tell them about how in the season one finale, Bryan Cranston guest stars as a pantsless witch lawyer who helps Sabrina get a divorce from a troll.

      • Did you guys ever watch the cartoon (also featuring Nick Bakay)? It was awful, but I remember my primary problem being that Sabrina would play sports with her waist-long hair down, instead of tied up in a pony tail like all the female athletes I knew. I couldn’t suspend my disbelief that a serious sportwoman would leave her hair down enough to enjoy the show. Yes, the hair on an animated show about a witch was what was unbelievable.

        I’m sorry I just went off on it, but it’s been bothering me for fifteen years.

        • I didn’t watch the cartoon, but I did have a plush Salem doll. It was not as magically cruddy as the real Salem (by the real Salem I mean the puppet version. So, I guess, the fake Salem?).

          • I had a Wishbone stuffed animal, and he was also less cuddly than his on-screen counterpart. I still loved him. He was dressed like Romeo. #nerd

    • I want it to be Christmas again so I have an excuse to post this repeatedly:

      Although – that gif turns anything into Christmas, so I maybe just created an endless cycle of neverending holidays. You’re welcome? Sorry about all the presents you’ll have to buy for the rest of eternity.

  4. “Paul Blart: Mall Cop scribe Nick Bakay” ALSO KNOWN AS THE VOICE OF SALEM ON SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH.

  5. Wikipedia shows that in the 2004 NBC pilot, Simpson played the role of “Jessica Sampson.”

  6. In that photo she looks like someone who is barely, baaaaarely holding her shit together. Is it the smile/two fists combo? Is it the jacket that looks like she is ready to hang out smoking cigarettes by the arcade in the mall in 1986, but instead she is standing in front of a banner with her name all over it? These are juxtapositions that she does not seem to be fully in control of, you guys. I’m worried about Jessica Simpson.

  7. I’m just going to learn about Jessica Simpson’s life the old-fashioned way: Waiting for Bill O’Reilly to write a fictionalized biography of her.

  8. Jessica is our Lucy? Now meet our Lenny Bruce:

  9. Wait, is that a wax figure of Jessica Simpson? I really can’t tell.

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