matthew_perry.jpg

OH NO, SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED TO MATTHEW PERRY’S HAND! Tragic news. Somehow, though, I don’t think it’s what he says happened to it. From Yahoo!:

The actor admits he spends days on end glued to the screen playing war games on his XBox, ruining the muscles and tendons in his hand.

Perry says, “I play a lot of video games a lot of XBox 360. I played Fall Out 3 so often I had to go to a hand doctor. I used my hand too much and had to get injections in it.”

Yeah, no. Nope. Matthew Perry did not hurt his hand by playing videogames. So, how did he hurt his hand?

  • He picked up a bag of cocaine that was too heavy.
  • He masturbated too many Thai prostitutes without taking a break.
  • He sprained it writing a check to his dog’s masseuse
  • He wore bitter-cold conducting solid gold gloves all winter
  • He searches for casting calls on Craigslist without an ergonomic mouse and keyboard

Oh God, I just realized: what if Matthew Perry did hurt his hand playing videogames? I mean, he didn’t. We all know that’s just publicist-code for “he had cosmetic hand reduction surgery due to too many caviar smoothies.” But if he did hurt his hand playing videogames, that is perhaps the :( joke of all.

(Thanks for the tip, Edith.)

Comments (27)
  1. Matthew Perry's Middle Finger  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +38

    I am shorter than the rest!

  2. Fredo  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 0

    That shit has been like that for awhile. Totatlly noticed it on an old Friends episode before.

    • erin  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +8

      exactly what i was about to say. according to imdb, due to an “unfortunate door shutting incident in nursery school”.

  3. Jules  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 0

    According to IMDB, Matthew is “Missing part of his middle finger on his right hand, this is due to an unfortunate door-shutting accident in nursery school.”

    • I wonder if According to IMDB, Matthew is “Missing part of his middle finger on his right hand, this is due to an unfortunate door-shutting accident in nursery school.”?

  4. He searches for casting calls on Craigslist without an ergonomic mouse and keyboard = Zing-of-the-Day

  5. blah  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +1

    it’s because he’s secretly Gary Burghoff’s son

  6. rach  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +6

    i heard he was a leper

  7. What happened to Matthew Perry’s face?

  8. here  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +18

    Why does that bear have a negative pregnancy test in its mouth? Get better soon, teddy!

  9. I love the caviar smoothies! But they are bad for you?

  10. yeah, his hand has been like that for years. is it not cool to like matthew perry? because i kind of love him.

  11. Eww his finger looks like the finger of the jerk step brother in Teeth.

  12. poc llam tralb luap  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 +1

    gabe how could you not point out the direct parallel to the joystick “claw” he had on that friends ep?

  13. Joe  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009 -13

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  14. Wow...  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2009 +3

    Um, when you pet a sweet lady’s kitty, it’s technically masturbating her. Wow. If that arrow is missing from your foreplay quiver, you’re not working with too much there, are you?

  15. You know when I noticed that Matt Perry was first missing part of his finger? When I saw him on tv in the ’80s. You’re late, Gabe.

  16. cheyanne  |   Posted on Jul 5th, 2009 +1

    matthew perry was in kinder garten and got it slammed in the classroom door some how, and the accident sliced off a piece of his finger. it was in an interview video.

  17. cheyanne  |   Posted on Jul 5th, 2009 +1

    matthew perry was in kinder garten and got it slammed in the classroom door some how, and the accident sliced off a piece of his finger. it was in an interview video.

  18. cheyanne  |   Posted on Jul 5th, 2009 +1

    matthew perry was in kinder garten and got it slammed in the classroom door some how, and the accident sliced off a piece of his finger. it was in an interview video.

  19. Esse  |   Posted on Sep 30th, 2009 -1

    This article is so stupid!! He’s missing that part of his finger due to an accident in preschool.. Cut him a break!

  20. actually matthew perry was in kinder garten and got it slammed in the classroom door , and the accident sliced off a piece of his finger

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