In the future, every work of both fiction and nonfiction will be rewritten and set in space. Then when we move to the moon after this world falls apart our children won’t be confused. “Mommy, why doesn’t Tyler Durden ever have to wear his spacesuit?” “Because, honey, the unnamed narrator always has his on.” “WHAAAAT?” Hahah. Chuck Palahniuk’s genius never stops giving! You’re probably wondering, “What about the stories that are already set in space?” Obviously those will be rewritten to be set in Old Earth. (The moon will be renamed New Earth.) (HELLO?) Anyway, so, Warner Bros. is getting a head start! From Deadline:

Here’s one Homer surely didn’t see coming. Warner Bros is making The Odyssey, dropping the togas and setting it in space. The studio has just hired James DiLapo to write the futuristic re-imagining of the Greek epic. Warner Bros has also put in place a blind writing deal behind the project to keep him in the studio fold.

The Odyssey is Homer’s followup to The Illiad–

Hahahahaha. The only thing I need to quote from Deadline in order for you to get the idea is the first thing, but “The Odyssey is Homer’s followup to The Illiad” is hilarious and I would’ve been doing you a disservice if I didn’t include that as well. YOU’RE WELCOME. So, how do you think they’re going to update The Odyssey to make it space-ready? Here’s what I think, updated from a section of The Odyssey’s Wikipedia:

The poem movie mainly centers on the Greek hero Odysseus OdyssiMan and his journey home after the fall of Troy Mars. It takes Odysseus OdyssiMan ten years to reach Ithaca the moon after the ten-year Trojan Olympus Mons War. In his absence, it is assumed he has died, and his wife Penelope Xenon and son Telemachus [Ed. Note: Still good.] must deal with a group of unruly suitors space alien suitors the Mnesteres (Greek: Μνηστῆρες) or Proci [Ed. Note: Figure out later.], who compete for Penelope’s Xenon’s hand in marriage iInter-connectiviWed.

It’s mostly the same? Also they all travel around on flying skateboards. BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

Comments (44)
  1. And then, the internet imploded as a hundred people commented “A Space Odyssey” simultaneously.

  2. Everyone has long hair that just stands up like crazy.

  3. I wonder if this Space Odyssey will be set in 2001. No applause, please, ladies and gentlemen, you are too kind with you praise.

  4. I thought they already made A Space Odyssey?

  5. I basically wished for this last week, so I’m going to have to say it has potential.

    You know what would be really great? A Veronica Mars movie.

  6. Achilles has his heels replaced with cyberheels and is invincible.

    Invincible, that is, until Paris dives toward him during the climactic battle, jamming a jumpdrive shaped like a plasteel dagger into the cyberheels’ USB port and uploading a virus. “NOOOOOO!” cries Achilles atop the unfinished, moon-sized Trojan Horse-Tank. Then he explodes.

    • I think you just described an actual episode of the PBS kids’ show “Cyberchase.” Yours is just missing Gilbert Godfrey as a robot bird.

    • No way Paris dives toward him during a climactic battle. The only way he was able to take out Achilles was by shooting an arrow from far away. Paris was useless, is what I’m saying.

      • “But it’s the only way. You have to do it.” All of Troy turns to look at Paris, who swallows hard. Priam intones, “Your brother Hector [Jason Statham] died and that leaves only you to stop dread Achilles.” But you’re right, imsteph, Paris needs to do it his own way. So he invents a laser-sighted bow that will shoot a USB arrow. Paris: the greatest marksman in the classical future world…

        He mounts the city wall as battle rages below. Takes aim. “The days of plasteel blades are over,” he thinks. “There’s a new kind of hero now…”

    • Is this where I point out this is the Space Iliad, not the Space Odyssey, because I’m an asshole?

  7. These guys can play the cyclops.

  8. War and Peace is Tolstoy’s follow up to The Cossacks.

  9. “Is this the CGI face that launched a thousand spaceships
    And nuked the topless towers of Ilium [still good] from orbit?
    Dr. Helen, make me immortal with an injection of cell-repairing nanobots.”

    Okay, this is more Iliad-related but I’m already thinking prequel.

  10. Poor Hesiod. No one in Hollywood gives a shit about his epics.

  11. Maybe this will start a trend of Odyssey-remakes in unusual locations. The possibilties are endless! Why just now, I was thinking about the Depression-era Deep South.

  12. If it’s this I’m all-in

  13. The New Testament was a sequel to the Old Testament. -Deadline

  14. In hs, we had to translate and interpret The Aeneid from the original Latin, which nobody cares about because The Odyssey has cyclopses and whatnot. All I can say is, Virgil is a lucky, lucky–albeit dead–man. Or maybe execs knew that unlike Homer, Vergil can haunt their dreams #unlikelyinfernoreference

  15. The face that launched a thousand shitty remakes.

  16. Back in the 80s we called this Ulysses 31 and it was awesome
    Was this just not big in the US?

  17. hehe
    Olympic Mons

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