Oh my god, look at everyone! It’s like no one can take their eyes off of my robotic spider dress, not even for one second! When I bought it — Well, I guess the story really begins when I saw it in the window of what seemed, at first, to be a little nightmare shop covered in spiderwebs, crawling with bugs, definitely haunted. And it seemed like there was blood everywhere? And also garbage, but like, not normal garbage. (You know?) “Ah!” Ha-ha, that’s what I shouted when I first came across the shop, foolishly, but soon I was beckoned in by a beautiful stranger. “I have just the dress for you,” she purred, and suddenly the room began to spin. “Wow, this shop is fun!” is that last thing I remember thinking before waking up in my own bed with the robotic spider dress, as I soon found out, permanently affixed to my body. “This is great,” I thought. “Now I have something to wear to the ball and I never have to try to put together an outfit again!” Oh anyway, what I was saying was that when I first saw the dress I knew it would be a head-turner, but this? My goodness, it must be the most beautiful dress any of these people have ever seen! Could it be the way the dress moves unexpectedly? Like, when you first see it you think, “My, what a wonderful gown,” and then you think, “Oh, and how it moves! Like a fucking spider!”? Could it be the fact that it reminds everyone of their waking nightmares? Who knows what everyone finds so captivating about my robotic spider dress, and who cares! The important thing is that I have their full attention.

I know I should tell them about the shop, but a girl has to have a few secrets. (Via LaughingSquid.)

Comments (11)
  1. I wonder if you could program it to knit. Think of all the sweaters you can make!

  2. What kind of bullshit is this? It only has six legs! Do your research next time, Anouk Wipprecht.

    • I think it’s meant to include your two arms, which is silly because if we’re including appendages that aren’t legs we have to include legs too, and then your spider has 10 legs and again what the heck, Wipprecht!

  3. Uh oh, is Tyra Banks going to make the next batch of top models wear robot dresses?!?

  4. Looks great!

  5. “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and remove one leg.” -Coco Chanel

  6. This is actually the wedding dress that Helena Bonham Carter wore when she married Tim Burton.

  7. That dress seems needlessly pricey, uncomfortable and impractical, there’s no way the fashion world would ever trick people into wearing something like that.

  8. Well, what else are you going to wear to the filthy basement from Saw?

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.