You know, we make a lot of fun around here of the people on the game show who say the stupid thing. This is because these people are ridiculous and very funny. But the simple fact that these people understand but which we ourselves so often gloss over is that sometimes in this life you have to attempt to solve the puzzle. That is what we are here for, after all. And OK, the lights are in your face, and your left armpit is sweating more than your right armpit for some reason, and you keep touching your hair to make sure it looks OK but now you think you’ve crossed the line into touching it too much to the point where if your hair does look bad it’s going to be from the touching, and you can hear your best friend screaming at you from the audience but it would be just like your best friend to steer you in the wrong direction so that next week she can tell everyone how you totally biffed it on TV and she was there to see it, and Pat Sajack is standing in front of you waiting for a response and you notice for the first time how thick the layer of pancake make up on his face is and the entire artifice of the entertainment industry begins to crumble in front of your very eyes, and as it falls you begin to wonder if we are even still talking in metaphors anymore or if somehow this blogger is simply describing the highly specific and uncommon experience of literally being on The Wheel of Fortune, but we’ll never know because the answer clock is ticking and rules are rules and so you just put yourself out there. You are, after all, in this to win this.

Of course, if you’re going to put yourself out there, which you should, it helps to have a smarter self. (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (26)
  1. I keep a close watch on this glass of wine
    I keep my eyes wide open all the time
    I keep the ends out for the tie that blinds
    Because you’re mine, I have the wine

  2. Anyone know if white or red wine pairs better with a self-potato?

  3. “All the wine is all for me” – Johnny Cash, Wine Connoisseur

  4. Well now I know what I’m going to name my next song.

  5. I am pretty sure I have said this here before, but no dumb game show response will ever top the time I was watching an old episode of Family Feud and the survey was “Name a time you would light candles” and the woman instantly buzzed in and responded “6:00″

    • The Feud is a particularly good place for game show blunders because of the demanded quick response. Every single episode nets at least one gem, I’m sure of it.

  6. Everybody knows that Johnny Cash wrote “I Salt The Wine” because he loved to mess with oenophiles.

  7. Can we just agree that Wheel has always been the game show for people who can’t handle Jeopardy?

    Game shows, in order of intelligence required:

    1) Jeopardy
    —————- massive gulf here
    2) Wheel
    3) Price is Right
    4) Lets Make a Deal

  8. “I’d like to solve the puzzle: ‘A Boy Named Sam!’”

  9. “I slot a mad in Rita just to latch him dig.”

  10. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • You know, you actually had a point about differing cultural references, but I’m not sure where the ‘heavyset’ part came in.

  11. I prefer Folsum Vineyard Blues:

    I hear that taster coming, she’s rolling ’round the bend, and I ain’t seen this vintage, since, I don’t know when.
    I’m stuck in Folsum Vineyards, and time keeps draggin’ on.
    But those wines keep a comin’ even the sauvignon blanc.
    When I was just a baby, my momma told me “son, you can’t have no wine, dear, until you’re 21″ but I snuck some of her vino; man it was so dry.
    When she found me drunk in my crib, she hung her head and cried.

  12. Are we sure this isn’t just a viral ad for cougar town?

  13. A better answer may have been: I want the wine.

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