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An adult entertainment company claims that it is offering Britain’s gotter of talent, Susan Boyle, 1,000,000 dollars (or 5 Euros. Do people still make that joke? It’s 2007, right?) to star in her own porno. Sure. From susanboylexxx.com (via Jossip):

Assuming Ms. Boyle accepts the offer, the plan is to fly her out to Los Angeles – on Virgin Airlines of course – and introduce her to possible co-stars. “We want real sexual chemistry,” Kulkis explained. “Since we have no way of knowing what Susan’s ‘type’ is, we’ll introduce her to a variety of gentlemen of different races, ages and um, ‘endowments.’ Personally, I think she and Ron Jeremy would be a perfect match.”

The $1 million offer from Kick Ass is good for one week. “We want to get this movie shot and out while Susan has the world’s attention,” said Kulkis. “Besides, after 47 years of virginity, I’m sure Susan is also anxious to get something cracking as soon as possible!”

Man, porno can be kind of cheesy and gross, but it’s not half as cheesy and gross as porno PRESS RELEASES. Virgin airlines joke? Relax, Bruce Villanch. Although, his comment about how she’s going to want to get something cracking after 47 years of virginity is pretty insightful. Got 2 get fucked ASAP. He probably studied psychology in school, how else to explain how good he is at reading people and situations. I’m pretty sure Mel Gibson’s character in What Women Want was based on this shithead. Everything about this is really great and doesn’t make me want to kill myself at all. TALK ABOUT LES MISERABLES, AM I RIGHT? (Sorry. For everything.)

Comments (10)
  1. It pays a debt

  2. Is there a preorder option?

  3. “I dreamed a dream in days gone by/ Of being fucked my a total stranger.”

  4. I understand the want for “getting something cracking” as soon as possible, but really, doing a porno is jumping into the deep end a bit quickly.

    “Hey, we know you’ve been a vegetarian all your life, so how about signing up for this hot dog eating competition?”

  5. The porn industry have really been struggling for press lately by offering any recent media wonder millions for a prono…first Octo-Mom and now this…Mmmm how come I can’t get an offer like this…

  6. Man, this just really harshed my mellow.

    I was really riding the high of loving this woman and all the love coming to her around the interwebz. Way to go, sad sick porn industry. THANKS.

    Whatever, Susan Boyle wins and I totes lurve her.

  7. They clearly had her confused with the woman who came on a couple of minutes before Susan Boyle, under the guise of ‘empowerment’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiw-bP2u-3I

  8. “Got 2 get fucked ASAP.” Haha, yes. Sure. That is her username.

  9. Lydia Abromowitz  |   Posted on Apr 22nd, 2009 0

    45 minutes of rim-jobs on ms. boyle. suh-weeet!

  10. man, that’s my motto, too.
    Got 2 get fucked ASAP.
    i have it painted on my ceiling so it’s the first thing i see in the morning.
    it helps me get my priorities straight.

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