Wow, what a weird show that was! Most of the time it felt like we were children on a long car ride and our parents, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, did not pack enough fun surprises to get us through the trip meltdown free. The surprises they did pack were great, don’t get me wrong! Their opening jokes were wonderful, Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell were very funny, Dog President was great, and Tina and Amy’s string of jokes after losing to Lena Dunham was perfect and probably the best moment of the night. (“MIDDLE SCHOOL.”) (I know someone said this here at the very successful pizza party last night, but it is hilarious that the list of bad times Lena Dunham has gone through includes having mono.) (Of course it does.) (Pain breeds art!) But having such few, delightful little interludes only made it clearer how painfully boring the rest of the show was. EXCEPT FOR THE JODIE FOSTER PART. Obviously this is except for the Jodie Foster part, which we will get to in about one second. But the awards themselves, even when the winners were unexpected (Don Cheadle for House of Lies which is I guess a show on television that Don Cheadle stars in) (Lena Dunham for her role of “Lena Dunham” in The Lena Dunham Show) (though I have to admit I was hoping Tina Fey would win for her role of “Tina Fey” in The Tina Fey Show, so) (Jennifer Lawrence for her role of “Lady Everyone Likes, Actually”) — even when they were unexpected, it was still the Golden Globes, and it still felt like something someone had thrown together in order to keep someone else from crying, or whatever. “Ok, fine, you can have an awards show too!” (The someone else is future Ben Affleck.) So. Anyway, come with me after the jump to talk about Jodie Foster for a minute.

Uh. What? So. So, as I understand it, Jodie Foster’s speech was meant to say that she felt pressured by the monster world she has lived in for most of her life to come out in a public way, which is not something she has ever wanted to or felt it necessary to do. And it was a plea both for privacy and for being “understood deeply,” which I don’t believe are the opposites many are making them out to be. But. WHAT? Maybe I would be as moved as some are saying they were by the speech if I hadn’t been staring wide-eyed in second degree panic throughout the entire thing. “DOES SHE EVEN KNOW WHERE SHE IS RIGHT NOW?” “What is going on?!” “What…?!” She didn’t deliver the points she made in a way that seemed stable, is I guess what I am trying to say. And that could have been because she was nervous, which is more than fair, or, I don’t know. Who knows. Do you know? What do you think? I have no idea. Weren’t her red headed children adorable?

Soooo, what else. Taylor Swift’s losing face was MY FAVORITE. Sylvester Stallone being a huge dick to Arnold was insane. Anne Hathaway thanking someone when it wasn’t her turn to thank people anymore made me instantly change my mind back to what I previously had thought about her. It was nice to see Jessica Chastain FINALLY getting some recognition. Bill Clinton. And now you say something! Here is the full list of winners:

FILM

Best Picture, Drama: Argo
Best Picture, Musical or Comedy: Les Misérables
Best Actor, Drama: Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
Best Actress, Drama: Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty
Best Actor, Musical or Comedy: Hugh Jackman, Les Misérables
Best Director: Ben Affleck, Argo
Best Actress, Musical or Comedy: Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained
Best Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway, Les Misérables
Best Foreign Language Film: Amour
Best Animated Film: Brave
Best Screenplay: Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained
Best Original Score: Mychael Danna, Life of Pi
Best Original Song: Adele, “Skyfall,” Skyfall

TELEVISION

Best Series, Drama: Homeland
Best Series, Musical or Comedy: Girls
Best Actor, Drama: Damian Lewis, Homeland
Best Actress, Drama: Claire Danes, Homeland
Best Actress, Musical or Comedy: Lena Dunham, Girls
Best Actor, Musical or Comedy: Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Best Miniseries or Movie: Game Change
Best Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Julianne Moore, Game Change
Best Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Kevin Costner, Hatfields & McCoys
Best Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Best Supporting Actor, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Ed Harris, Game Change

Comments (61)
  1. I was just reading your pizza party because I missed it…great jokes, everyone!

  2. Also I can’t wait to hear Taylor Swift’s “I lost the Golden Globe to Adele” song

    “I am never ever ever gonna beat Adele…”

  3. my favorite part was Salma Hayek trying to be helpful to Paul Rudd when the teleprompter went out: “it’s something about the best….?!?”

  4. My favorite jokes (maybe, but at least the favorite of the ones I can remember right now) were when Tina Fey said “The Hunger Games are what I call the 6 weeks before I put on this dress!” and Amy Poehler said “And Life of Pi is what I’m gonna call the next 6 weeks once I take off this dress!” and they laughed because Hollywood is silly and they know you kinda have to play the game even if it’s dumb.

  5. I am genuinely surprised by all the major media outlets saying how moving Jodie Foster’s speech was. I watched it with mounting horror as the speech moved firmly into the realm of meandering self-indulgence and self-aggrandizement, and showed no sign of slowing down. I think my face was making the same expression that Mel Gibson’s was making, and I hope that is the last time I ever have to compare myself to him. Yes, she had some very good points to make, but she could have made them in a way that didn’t make so many people feel sweaty and cringing. To me it seemed like she had a captive audience and she was not gonna give up that stage for anything.

    • Agree. I was in a room with half a dozen people and we were all horrified and the slow train wreck we were witnessing. Also, Mel Gibson is a truly horrible person. Maybe he wasn’t as horrible (or was better at hiding his horribleness) back when Jodie Foster met him in the “Maverick” days but it 100% verifiable these days that he is a violent, misogynistic, racist, antisemitic piece of walking garbage. I’m not saying the “oh so private” Ms. Foster has to go on a press tour denouncing him, but she also doesn’t have to invite him to be her guest and sit front row center at an internationally televised awards show.
      Sorry. Not a funny or pithy comment but I’m really hacked off at the reaction that it was a “brave, moving” speech. Know what would be brave? Helping out scared teenagers that are not rich, famous, and powerful, by coming out for real much, much earlier. Not saying you have to become Ms. Lesbian, but you can help normalize homosexuality. Don’t like your privacy invaded? Find a different line of work. Sheesh!

      • Yes. When the camera was cutting to people in the room who had been moved to tears and were watching in rapt concentration, I thought, “Are these people watching the same thing I am?” It was surreal. Maybe it came across differently to the people who know her personally. I don’t know. All I know is that I was mystified.

    • The Demille acceptance is often like that, though? It’s wasn’t that out of line with other rambly ones.

      Ultimately, though, I can’t hand it to her for defending her choice not to come out for so long. It’s like yes, it’s her perogative, but she is smart enough to understand how important famous out-and-proud role models turned out to be for equality. A good speech would have given some credit to the Martinas and Ellens rather than equating what they did with Honey BooBoo.

    • I was with friends and one actually got up and said “I can’t handle this.” and went into another room. What got to me was these claims of her encounters with “real life.” As someone who was born to parents who didn’t own any actual furniture when they had me, I think there might be some key elements missing from Jodi’s real-life, hard-knocks-wisdom. And yeah, pain and hurt is relative, I totally think that and rich people cry too, but don’t act like such a fucking hero.

      I’ve also never understood this idea that a wealthy celebrity has expectations of privacy. Fame and paycheck are basically directly proportional. You are loved by millions in a way that they actually give money to look at you. I don’t know where “Don’t ask me questions about my extravagant life that you’ve all given me in this entirely voluntary, frivolous career I was lucky enough to be born into the right proximity to.” Smile, say thank you, show some humility. That would make me tear up.

      • Well put. You hit on one of the main things that bothered me about it — the double message that she is a super-powerful, successful star, and also that everyone should leave her the hell alone. And also understand her deeply. Everything about it just screamed out-of-touch privilege. And the lack of humility bothered me, too.

        • I love all of you guys (and Kelly) for addressing this “speech” for what it really was: wacked out! All I could think the entire time is “ummm … what the hell is she talking about?”

          And to expand on eemar’s comment: how about coming out much sooner? How about this? How about ACTUALLY COMING OUT?! What is all the bs? There are probably thousands and thousands of LGBT folks out there that were hanging on her words and hoping she’d just SAY IT. Sure, look, I get the whole privacy thing, but what about not being afraid to say what things are? Let’s stop making it weird. But by NOT saying “I’m gay” it seemed like she perpetualized this notion that we should be embarrassed or reluctant about actuall coming out.

          • Well, maybe not everyone has to “come out.” I think what she was saying was that she lives her life the way she wants and she doesn’t feel like she needs to make a big announcement about it. We all knew she was a lesbian already anyway.

          • I wrote this in a hurry and I made up my own word. “Perpetualized”! Ha! It’s kinda like Spiritualized but not because it’s a creation of my own mind and it is not a music artist.

    • I’m trying to understand the vitriLOL leveled at Foster. The speech had weird parts (uhhhhh Mel Gibson), but here’s my take:

      This is one of those really sensitive identity politics moments where I’m going to generalize and feel uncomfortable and terrible for doing so but yeesh here goes: it is, from what I can tell, largely straight people casting the stones here.

      As a queer person who’s gone through the garbage of “coming out”—and it is MOSTLY garbage, because your straight friends will tell you they feel betrayed by how long you withheld your “secret” and maybe your parents will disown you or ask, meekly, if you sometimes are interested in the opposite sex, which is really another way of asking, why can’t you be a different person?—can I say the judgment re Foster coming out is mostly—to this reader—sound and fury?

      Foster has been in the glass closet for decades, a major point of contention in the queer community, sure, but also a point of contention that truly belongs to THAT community. It’s fine to hear all the opinions on the matter, but if you aren’t queer then your opinions will always come appended with the asterisks of outsiderness.

      I felt moved by Foster’s speech which absolutely WAS, in no uncertain terms, a coming out without the magic words “I am gay”. Is this so shameful? Do we need a wingardium I’mgayoso to normalize queer experience and make it resolvable/relatable to the non-queer community?

      I will be honest: I resent every time I had to tell a friend or family member or stranger or doctor I was gay. I resent the systems of power that have long made queer people invisible and now demand of us that we out ourselves for the sake of visibility. I resent that I can’t hold the hand of my partner in public without it feeling like a political statement, and that simultaneously I MUST be politically active because of the real violence still directed at queer people.

      At its most powerful, Foster’s speech captured the ambivalence of being queer in America (and all the other places where you can be queer without being imprisoned or murdered). We are here and mostly relieved to be here, in 2013, but FUCK do we wish we could be private and safe too and FUCK is there a lot left to #getbetter.

      • I don’t think it’s shameful. But I think it was a miscalculation on her part. Why? Because look at the media reaction: “DID JODIE FOSTER COME OUT OF THE CLOSET LAST NIGHT, OR DIDN’T SHE?!” That’s bs. Why not just be proud and be gay? All of this ‘public/private’ nonsense she was spewing holds little weight considering that SHE implicated this issue in the middle of a freaking acceptance speech. The fact that she was obtuse begs the question: why would she bring up the issue but not actually go as far to admit it?

    • Maybe the part that I found most baffling is that Jodie Foster was one of the few people in the room who absolutely, definitely knew that she’d be giving an acceptance speech that night. She’s also an actor who’s spent literally her entire life performing; so it was suuuuper weird that she was so scattered and unprepared?

  6. I tried to watch, I really did but ugh…awards shows.

  7. I loved Tina Fey and Amy Poehler so much. Their reaction to Bill Clinton was priceless. And this. This forever.

  8. I think my favorite part was imagining Hugh Jackman just biking around LA to his Les Mis audition. And then it gets better if you imagine him biking around LA in his Les Mis costume! Adorable!

  9. I was out at a concert last night, but had it on DVR. My plan was to watch it at some point today, but I got a little antsy and just skipped to random parts of the show. Now I’m not even sure I want to see the entire thing. Tina and Amy gems aside, it just reminded me how insufferable these ceremonies can be. I like Bill Clinton and all, but the way the audience fawned over him, ugh. Keep reinforcing that stereotype, Hollywood.

    On a side note, I did see Silver Linings Playbook last week, and it was great.

  10. Best dressed: Lucy Liu

    • I loved her dress. It was cramazing. How does she sit!? I also rated Amy Poehler’s red dress highly, and I liked Michelle Dockery’s dress a lot. I am torn over Anne Hathaway. Part of me think it is slinky and fun and the other part just sees fancy back brace.

      For worst I am torn between Rachel Weisz and Lena Dunham.

      • I have to go with Lena Dunham for worst. I’m sure she’s a nice gal and all, but this is show is beamed out to kajillions of people, and she could have at least tried to stand up straight. And maybe she should have practiced walking in heels a bit ahead of time. Ugh, I am saying only negative things today.

      • I was not a fan of Anne Hathaway’s dress, but that may have more to do with the fact that Chanel puts me to sleep just in general.

        I loved Tina Fey’s sparkly teal dress from the beginning of the show.

      • See, I think Halle Berry’s dress was just bizarre. The weird pattern plus cutouts? I don’t know. And I usually think Rachel Weisz is stunning, but I just can’t with that half and half dress.

        • I gave Halle Berry points for at least not being boring. So many of the dresses were so boring. Its the Golden Globes, be wacky!

        • I thought Halle Berry’s dress was totally age inappropriate. We all know she’s hot, and I agree with the whole, “if you’ve got it, flaunt it,” but there’s a difference in the way you should flaunt “it” as you get older. I thought it was very tacky and kind of whore-ish. My FAVORITE was Jessica Alba’s ensemble! I love that color and the necklace of diamonds! Wow! She looked so good. A fairly safe choice, but I thought she looked so classy and amazing.

    • I looooooved Lucy Liu’s dress, but why that hair? It was too straight and bristly for that braid, it just didn’t work with the beautiful florals (and her beautiful FACE).

  11. I honestly still don’t know if Jodie Foster is gay, single, or retired. I think Mel Gibson is the only one who knows.

  12. Guys, please help : I watched Silver Linings Playbook the other day and it was awful. Just a dreadful movie that I couldn’t find any redeeming qualities.

    What is happening? What is going on with people? That movie was so draped in mediocrity – and even if you found the story compelling…maybe I can see saying “hmmm, that was better than I expected given I thought it would be a standard cliché romantic comedy” but then again, the acting was horrible. I didn’t really get the mental issues part of it…by the end, nobody learned anything about anything. Except that the moral is: if you have a girlfriend nothing else matters? And sometimes gambling is okay?

    They said ‘Silver Linings’ so many times throughout the movie. Guys…why? Why is anyone talking about this terrible thing? Pls hlp, thx.

    • Just a note – it is one thing to like a movie, and it is another thing to argue it deserves awards for being the best movie, even though that’s a subjective title to give something. I just find it insulting (on behalf of people) who take massive risks and invest incredible amounts of time in making something incredible, to give an award to something incredible facile and easy to create. Like…there were no CGI tigers or anything, at the very least. Even if you thought the acting and the story were flawless I still don’t see what there is any fuss about.

      • If a movie is genuinely romantic and genuinely very funny, which I felt this movie was, then it doesn’t belong in the category “romantic comedy”, since calling something a “rom-com” implies failure at accomplishing either goal, and puts it in a much larger category where the characters are seldom well-drawn and the dialogue is almost never sharp.

        I felt the main character were flawed enough to make it interesting, and I thought the lead performances were very good. Bradley Cooper actually reminded me of a couple people I’ve known, so his performance really resonated with me.

        There were a couple awkward scenes (the fight at the football game, for one), and the ending was a little too “up”, but this movie really worked for me as a comedy and I thought Lawrence and Cooper’s chemistry was very exciting.

        I like risk and experimentation in movies, but don’t believe that movies have involve risk and experimentation in order to be enjoyed. That being said, I didn’t think this movie conformed to the rules of the genre it most nearly fit into.

    • Gotta say, the name “Silver Linings Playbook” annoys the shit out of me, and I can’t really say why. Maybe its because I don’t really understand why its called that, even with a basic understanding of the premise of the movie?

    • Jeez, I don’t know. I found it really funny and charming. Top 5 of the year for me. Sounds like your heart is made of coal.

    • It confused the fuck out of me (wait, is this a drama about dealing with mental illness? No wait, it’s a romantic comedy? It’s…about family. No, now it’s High School Musical. Wait, what?). It had some good(ish) performances, but was overall very strange and awkward and I have NO idea why it’s getting such acclaim. And what the fuck was with the parents being kind of in cahoots with Jennifer Lawrence but then that going absolutely nowhere?

  13. Can we talk about how bad the dresses were this year? With the exception of Tina and Amy, everyone looked kind of horrid. Also, love that Amy wore a suit on the red carpet, super smexy.

    ps- not to be a Lena Dunham apologist, but the girl was super nervous. Also, I think what she meant by “darkest moments” was “darkest moments where I was stuck on the couch and had to watch TV for hours.” Also, mono sucks.

    • I was so excited to see Amy Poehler in a pantsuit that I was duped into complimenting a Stella McCartney ensemble. It made me question everything I thought I knew about myself.

    • Loved the suit on Amy. I wish she had rocked it during the show too.

    • I don’t think they were terrible per se, but jeepers there was so much boring. I am so disappointed that Claire Danes didn’t in fact wear a disco halter jumpsuit as I first though when I just saw the top. Thank god for Lucy Liu trying something different.

  14. I really enjoyed the “manicam” E! had during their red carpet pre-show. Not over the top one bit. I just hope all the Korean nail stylists at least received technical awards for the all manis they did yesterday.

  15. Am I the only person that didn’t know Adele was a Cockney Street Urchin?

    After hearing her speak, I was sure she was going to pound a pint of Samuel Smiths and start a soccer riot.

  16. Tommy Lee Jones reaction to the Will Ferrell/Kristen Wiig bit was a major highlight.

  17. Mini J. Fox wins the coveted award for MY HEART.

  18. Can I just say that I hated Zero Dark Thirty? The whole “torturers are people too, guys!” thing enraged the hell out of me.

    • but… they are. did you want them to give us a heavy-handed “lesson” about torture or something?

      • I think torture is right up there with rape in the “Horrible Things to Do” list, and the movie seemed to say that it is necessary (a shit message delivered subtly is still shit). If you’ve seen the movie, there’s a spot which seems to say that while torture didn’t directly lead to any usable info, it broke down a prisoner enough so that he gave up some info when being treated nicely after the torture.

        • i just took it as a peek into what happened. i didn’t think the movie said much of anything – it was just a faithful re-telling of recent history – muddy waters, for sure, but this is the world in which we live.

          if anything it showed how desensitized we can become to something like torture, which is obviously awful. during her first interrogation she is visibly shaken, but as the years go on, she looses that sense of right and wrong and her only driving force is vengeance.

          so i guess the movie did say something!

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