It’s here, it’s here, it’s here! Sometimes when something I’ve been waiting for (the Golden Globes telecast) for such a long time (since the 2012 Golden Globes telecast) is just about to happen, I wish I could slow time down a little bit just so I can keep the Golden Globes in my future rather than hurry it into my past. I’m sure you can all relate. But of course we cannot slow time down, just as we cannot pause time right when the Golden Globes begin in order to live in that moment forever, right before we get into the “third-rate awards ceremony in an over-crowded field of awards ceremonies, doled out by the ever-mysterious and seemingly-illegitimate foreign press association, convened in a sad-looking hotel ballroom where even the nominees are force-fed liquor in order to endure the whole thing” (you think I’m going to try to re-write the same sentiment when it has already been written perfectly?) (NOT ON GOLDEN GLOBES NIGHT!) so we have to press on. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting! It’s incredible how much better that is than Ricky Gervais! Just look at how much real fun they’re having in this completely natural press photo. Ha-ha-ha, oh how they are friends! (But really, I am looking forward to their hosting more than I thought I could ever look forward to anyone’s hosting of an awards ceremony.) (Should be good!) So please hang out with us here and chat, chat, chat the night away about all the beautiful winners and garbage-y losers, and also please hang out with us on Twitter. Let’s do this dumb thing!

Comments (400)
  1. I hope Anne Hathaway’s hair wins for being most adorable and also most like mine.

  2. Anne Hathaway looks like she is wearing a fashion chest bandage

  3. Aw c’mon Anne, you don’t care about this!

  4. ALSO: I keep thinking Les Mis is directed by Tobe Hooper instead of Tom Hooper. That is weird.

  5. Anne Hathaway just gave a killer audition for her Oscar speech.

  6. I am not sending a fake duck a get well card.

  7. Is QT drunk? I am assuming QT is very very drunk.

  8. Surprisingly, I find this less annoying than Anne Hathaway’s speech.

  9. Anagram for Jeremy Irons: Jeremys Iron

  10. QUentin Tarantino is boring, but I want to say – I am roasting a chicken, and my apartment smells amazing.

  11. Lucy Liu looks fantastic.

  12. LUCY LIU! She is wearing a sofa from an English manor. I approve in an over the top hilarious way.

  13. It looks like none of them wants to win this.

  14. Wow, House of Pies, no one saw this coming. at all.

  15. SO is Salmon Fishing in the Yemen about the Danger of introducing invasive species into a unprepared ecosystem?

    • Did you ever see the Cane Toads documentary about that very subject? If not, get your hands on it now because it’s amazing.

    • everyone seems confused about how this movie was classified as a comedy and how, dear god, how is it possible that something funnier from 2012 wasn’t nominated instead.

  16. I just looked at red carpet pictures, and Lena Dunham…sorry girl. That dress is wearing you.

  17. I might have had to much margarita and not enough pizza. It’s getting dizzy up in here.

  18. SPEAKING OF SYLVESTER STALLONE: I watched Death Race 2000 last night and I totally recommend it. DAVID CARRADINE BEATS UP SLY STALLONE IT IS HILARIOUS.

  19. Uh. Olivia Wilde just announced her engagement to Jason Sudeikis on Twitter. #buryingthestory #spendthoseapplebeesdollasonanicewedding

  20. I love that they just kept cutting to Marion Cotillard during Michael Haneke’s speech.

  21. Guys. I kind of hate Lea Michele. So glad that’s out.

  22. I love mary crowleys dress

  23. Is that Julianna M’s date? Who needs an award! Hoo boy!

  24. Oh thank god I thought Clare Danes was wearing a jumpsuit

  25. Did Tina and Amy die backstage or something?

  26. Target. Just stop. Please.

  27. I usually like Target ads, but I have kind of had it with these supermodels in white.

  28. So what did we think of Claire Danes’ speech? I think I liked it a lot.

  29. Don’t laugh too hard, Hugh Jackman! You know what might happen!

  30. Ugh. Sacha Baron Cohen. Nope. Not having it.

  31. I am rooting for Wreck it Ralph. I really liked Wreck it Ralph.

  32. Sacha dropping some reality bombs about Russell Crowe.

  33. I said “GO AWAY” a total of three times during that intro.

  34. No it isn’t, being Brave is fighting bears bearhanded. Duh.

  35. this show will never end, will it?

  36. Hey all, I’m a little late. Got some fun life advice for all of you — don’t ever ever EVER try to start a fire in your fireplace with a Walgreens flyer. Just trust me.

    • And don’t ever try to cook bacon in the oven while giving your cat a bath. Trust me on that.

    • Oh dear! What do your curtains smell like now?

      • It actually happened to my best friend. All I got was a screaming phone call about how the fire department was coming over and her mom had yelled at her about having a messy apartment. But it’s a life lesson I hold dear. Her apartment smells fine now.

      • Hopefully okay?? I shut it down quickly, but I had to switch clothes (into my backup ballgown, obviously) after I had 2 industrial fans move new air in and crap air out. If it gets above freezing tomorrow, I’m going to air everything out AGAIN. But I got a good fire going and I think that undoes some of the bad?? I hope so. Eeek.

  37. I’m kind of sick of Bateman’s schtick

  38. Oh, that little giggle fro Michelle Dockery was so endearing.

  39. Cumberbatch is at the Downton Abbey table. AWKWARD!

  40. AHAHAHAHAHA AMY IS LIVING THE DREAM

  41. I AM VOMMING

  42. Aw, she looks genuinely shocked and excited to win. And to be wearing heels.

  43. Lena Dunham’s darkest moment: Having Mono

  44. congratulations. how wonderful.

  45. Lisa Dunham is very very talented.

  46. I like how NBC is spending all of its ad money on promoting this daring new Jekyll/Hyde show, which basically looks unwatchable.

  47. i am never not going to have “no church in the wild” stuck in my head, as it turns out.

  48. God I want to get drunk with Tina and Amy. It would be the absolute best.

  49. What is going on, this is getting weird.

  50. Someone mention Richard Gere’s hamster, please!!!

  51. I’m glad they’re highlighting Nell in this montage. Her best work.

  52. Holy shit young Jodie Foster looks a lot like Kirsten Stewart

  53. true to form, the golden globes decide to present this jodi foster montage in completely random non-chronological order.

  54. Home for the Holidays FTW!!!

  55. Jodie Foster is either too drunk or not drunk enough.

  56. Jodie Foster, what a lady.

  57. what is happening?

  58. Jodie Foster’s brave stand against reality television, only 10 years too late

  59. Mel Gibson looks haunted.

  60. Awww she has ginger kids, they are adorable.

  61. I feel like somewhere in the building there is someone agonizing over whether they should play the wrap it up music or let her keep going.

  62. I really wonder how much longer this is going to go on.

  63. This is the lowest-key cocaine induced monologue ever

  64. Whew. I got a little sweaty there.

  65. I loved that speech. And that hair. And those arms. Girl looks AMAZING. Let’s invite her to the feminist moon base.

  66. I think Jodie Foster was trying to tell us something about herself. I just can’t put my finger on it.

  67. What are you? Nell, from the movie Nell?

  68. Hahahaha! Oh, good one, Quentin! You are a CARD.

  69. Ben Affleck also wins for sleekest beard

  70. “Fuck you, Oscars”- Ben Affleck

  71. Man. Every time they cut to Joaquin Phoenix he just looks so excited. The camera can’t handle it, you guys.

  72. Affleck wins for Surviving Christmas! #congrats

  73. Those difficult times he mentioned, he means Bennifer.

  74. I have not seen Moonrise Kingdom yet, but I feel I must because Swinton

  75. They could get Clinton for Lincoln, but couldn’t even swing Bob Balaban to introduce Moonrise Kingdom?

  76. I AM VOMMING 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

  77. The hate looks from actually funny actors, writers and producers is priceless.

  78. 7 Wes Andersons could fit into Orson Welles’ trousers. #filmfacts

  79. They were very sweet, I liked seeing Victor Garber looking on affectionately.

  80. Cooper is trying to cover up his magnificent butt hair.

  81. PEE JOKES!!!

  82. I saw John Hawkes behind Bradley Cooper, can he win something?

  83. What would you do if you saw Hugh Jackman just biking around?

  84. Okay, folks, I am going to crack open a bottle of Rose and eat the chicken I roasted and the potatoes I mashed.
    Have fun at the Golden Globes without me.

  85. In which it remains bizarre that they lump dramatic musicals with comedies.

  86. Ok. Home stretch!

  87. The Bourne Drunkard.

  88. *fingers crossed* please don’t have them sing.

  89. Anne! Jesus! Contain yourself!

  90. Guys, this is so long. I wanted to stop and watch The IT Crowd like 30 minutes ago.

  91. I hope we all did well in our Golden Globe pools JK no one did!

  92. when will Tina Fey and Amy Poehler come back to save us?

  93. What were those other movies? I hadn’t heard of any of them. Get on it, PR people!

  94. Jessica Chastain is adorable.

  95. Jessica Chastain talking about her YEARS of work and struggle is probably going over super well with Hellen Mirren.

  96. Woah, he kissed Sally Field right on the mouth. Hot.

  97. How could Daniel Day-Lewis beat Denzel Washington, the best actor ever. He’s so darn cool! He’s so darn clever!

  98. more like daniel day-LIGHTFUL i’m sorry

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