This is the true story of an unspecified amount of strangers, picked through a televised contest to travel to Mars, colonize it together and have their lives taped to find out what happens when people stop being polite…and start getting real left on Mars with “no plans to return the pioneers to Earth.” (AHHHHHHH!!!!!) From MSNBC:

The Netherlands-based nonprofit Mars One, which hopes to put the first boots on the Red Planet in 2023, released its basic astronaut requirements on Tuesday, setting the stage for a televised global selection process that will begin later this year.

Mars One isn’t zeroing in on scientists or former fighter pilots; anyone who is at least 18 years old can apply to become a Mars colony pioneer. The most important criteria, officials say, are intelligence, good mental and physical health and dedication to the project, as astronauts will undergo eight years of training before launch.

Mars One plans to launch a series of robotic cargo missions between 2016 and 2021, which will build a habitable Red Planet outpost ahead of the arrival of the first four colonists in 2023. More settlers will arrive every two years after that. There are no plans to return the pioneers to Earth.

I realize that is a big pull quote, BUT THERE IS SO MUCH INSANE INFORMATION INCLUDED IN IT! Anyone can apply to go as long as you are 18, and then you sign your life away to getting shipped off to Mars and NEVER returning to Earth and maybe just dying because who ever said you could live on Mars in the first place? And then your corpse would just float around in space? WHERE DO I SIGN UP? I hate this so much! Here is a video that talks about it, because I cannot even anymore:

A reality competition funded by its own spectacle and private donors to send a bunch of randoms to live on Mars for the rest of their lives. That sounds exactly right. #2013. Suzanne Flinkenflögel, Mars One’s communications director, says, “We are working hard to launch our selection campaign as soon as possible, to open the doors to everyone who aspires to do something tremendous in their lifetime.” So. Good luck! (And good luck to Mars One!) (I’m sure this will all work perfectly!) (Via WarmingGlow.)

Comments (32)
  1. I hope they find a “Snooki,” a “Vinnie,” a “Kardashian,” an “Ice & Coco,” and a “Honey Boo Boo child.” Otherwise: Count. Me. Out.

  2. Eight years is a long time to spend getting a PhD in Dying On Another Planet.

  3. Is this narrator Dutch with British speech training or just from the future? Either way, I’d like her voice. It’s soothing but futuristic. I’d like her to narrate my sentient robot house when I move to Eureka.

  4. “Sooooooooooooo… what time are the transport ships coming back?” — Guy who only skimmed the contract

  5. Is it bad I kinda want to do this so that I don’t have to think about possible future career moves?

  6. I think they should choose one male and three females, so that we can finally really test the limits of the “not if you were the last man on (insert planet here)” put down.

  7. OH GOOOOOOOOODDDDDD, IT’S LIKE THE TRUMAN SHOW MEETS THE REAL WORLD MEETS DOCTOR WHO MEETS NO.

    • REAL TALK LISTENING TO BOWIE’S ‘A SPACE ODDITY’ TOO MUCH IN MY YOUTH LEFT ME WITH A CRUSHING FEAR OF BEING STRANDED IN SPACE BUT AT LEAST IT WAS NEVER A POSSIBILITY. UNTIL TODAY. HOLD ME SOMEONE (James McAvoy or Ellen Paige, heed my call!)

  8. This makes me wonder why so much sci-fi is set far in the future, because the transitional era of space travel could be so interesting! Like – think of the kind of person who would sign up to live the rest of his or her life on Mars. Is that person really adventurous or is there just nothing left for her on Earth? What happens when there are FOUR PEOPLE on your whole planet? No accountability, for one. Anyway, I don’t have any jokes so this is my two cents. I can’t wait to stream this show on my floating hologram TV.

    • Please make this movie/tv series and go back in time and cast Casper-era Devon Sawa in it. Seriously, though, this is a cool idea.

    • See: Another Earth.

      • I was thinking of Another Earth, though I haven’t seen it. (I’m interested in watching it, but also a lot of other movies, in theory.) But Another Earth doesn’t have the same frontier element and attendant potential for lawlessness.

        I did think it was interesting to use this outsized premise to create one story about one group of people. I wonder if it did that well.

        • AE is really great; it works on a literal and metaphorical level without going over the top. It implies a frontier element because a ‘frontier’ just means, basically, a border between one type of world and another. In this case, a border between one world and ANOTHER. (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) Any time one crosses from one type of place to another, group dynamics takes over. Anyway. Netflix that shit! (Also: The Sound of My Voice, but just because Brit Marling is great in both.)

  9. I’ll apply if they decide to make the call to action GET YOUR ASS TO MARS in the advertising brochures.

    • Just kidding, the new reviews on SpaceYelp make me think that the pod food isn’t so great. I’m going to stick with my Rekall plans. Nothing ever goes wrong there!

  10. Of course the Dutch would do this. “We already made an entire country under sea level, dependent on a series of complicated and ever-more-precarious levies and dams. What’s next, gang?”

  11. Philip K. Dick really missed the mark about Mars colonization actually being instigated via frickin’ reality TV shows rather than the result of the destruction of planet Earth.

  12. Fun fact: Deep space travel over a number of years is suspected to cause advanced onset of Alzheimer’s. Not to mention the other bone density loss and blood pressure issues. Basically, you’ll have a tin can full of very sickly people hurtling toward the red planet.

    • Butbutbut they were going to select only the smartest, healthiest individuals! You mean Space Eugenics is an impossibility?? Back to the ubermensch drawing board, I guess.

  13. I might do this. Think about it. The name “hotspur” might very well go down in history alongside such immortal and celebrated heroes as Viktor Patsayev, David M. Brown, and Ed White II!

  14. All I can think of is, “in the not too distant future, next Sunday AD. There was a guy named Joel. Not too different from you or me….”

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