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Over New Year’s, Demi Moore went to a retreat in Tulum, Mexico, which, incidentally, if you can ever go to Tulum, Mexico, you should definitely go to Tulum, Mexico, it’s the very best. I’m guessing. How would I know? Who has time to go to Tulum, Mexico, when there is so much blogging to be blogged?! Anyway: Demi Moore went to Tulum, and it sounds like everything went just great. So fun and healthy. I bet she was glowing when she got back from all of the SANITY. From Celebitchy:
Eyewitnesses added that the soon-to-be ex-wife of Kutcher was seen retreating to her room with younger men more than once; and that the resort fielded a call from a guest grousing that Demi’s “very, very loud sex” had been keeping them awake.
“Demi was clearly after younger men on this trip; they were all about 28 to 33,” a guest told Star. “There were three or four older guys staying at the resort, fifty-plus, and I don’t think she talked to them at all.”
Another source said that in an odd twist, Demi wanted to be addressed by the name “Topper,” an esoteric reference to a 1937 Cary Grant film in which a man lives his life to the fullest.
“Demi almost came across as, I wouldn’t go as far as to say bipolar, but up and down,” one source said, while another said that Demi’s “back-and-forth behavior just kind of killed the mood.”
HE WOULDN’T GO SO FAR AS TO SAY BIPOLAR. Phew. Close call. I also love the guest who made a careful count of how many fifty-plus men were staying at the resort and whether or not they were going into TOPPER’s bedroom. “Everyone stay calm, the age-obsessed Fuck Police are on the case.” Like I said: Tulum, Mexico. So fun. Everyone will be all up in your business and you will have your world ROCKED by a borderline-bipolar sex monster. You’re gonna love it!
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SPRING BREAK TULUM, MEXICO 2013 CHILLIN POOLSIDE!!!!!!!!!!
Yea because when a newly divorced male movie star goes on fucky vacation, he’s always called out for not talking to the 50+ women.
I think George Clooney just downvoted you.
I believe the correct term is fuckation; vajaycation is also accepted. #sogross
Also acceptable: laycation
What about a no-assplay-cay?
Amen. I know blahblah celebrity culture blahblah putting herself out there blahblah whatever. She’s an attractive woman, let her fuck who she pleases (SAFELY of course!!).
…is this where I say “I’d hit it?” Gabe??
Great use of the word “esoteric” in an article about a woman having loud sex.
Maybe those old dudes were sexist jerks. No one wants to sleep with a sexist jerk.
When I go on vacay I make everyone call me Jar Jar Binks because shit is about to get RIDICULOUS.
Something something “meesa horny” #ihatemyself
Pretty sure she actually called him “Topher.”
“There were three or four older guys staying at the resort, fifty-plus, and I don’t think she talked to them at all.”
- A fifty-plus guest of the resort
“There were three or four older guys staying at the resort, fifty-plus, and I don’t think they tried to talk to us at all”
-A not Demi Moore fifty-plus female guest of the resort
“There were three or four older guys staying at the resort, fifty-plus, and I don’t think she talked to them at all.”
- The three or four ’50-plus’ [Ed Note: 70-plus] male guests of the resort
So who are the ghosts in this equation?
How do they know she was making a Cary Grant reference? I think she was referring to Charlie Sheen’s character in Hot Shots.