Over New Year’s, Demi Moore went to a retreat in Tulum, Mexico, which, incidentally, if you can ever go to Tulum, Mexico, you should definitely go to Tulum, Mexico, it’s the very best. I’m guessing. How would I know? Who has time to go to Tulum, Mexico, when there is so much blogging to be blogged?! Anyway: Demi Moore went to Tulum, and it sounds like everything went just great. So fun and healthy. I bet she was glowing when she got back from all of the SANITY. From Celebitchy:

Eyewitnesses added that the soon-to-be ex-wife of Kutcher was seen retreating to her room with younger men more than once; and that the resort fielded a call from a guest grousing that Demi’s “very, very loud sex” had been keeping them awake.

“Demi was clearly after younger men on this trip; they were all about 28 to 33,” a guest told Star. “There were three or four older guys staying at the resort, fifty-plus, and I don’t think she talked to them at all.”

Another source said that in an odd twist, Demi wanted to be addressed by the name “Topper,” an esoteric reference to a 1937 Cary Grant film in which a man lives his life to the fullest.

“Demi almost came across as, I wouldn’t go as far as to say bipolar, but up and down,” one source said, while another said that Demi’s “back-and-forth behavior just kind of killed the mood.”

HE WOULDN’T GO SO FAR AS TO SAY BIPOLAR. Phew. Close call. I also love the guest who made a careful count of how many fifty-plus men were staying at the resort and whether or not they were going into TOPPER’s bedroom. “Everyone stay calm, the age-obsessed Fuck Police are on the case.” Like I said: Tulum, Mexico. So fun. Everyone will be all up in your business and you will have your world ROCKED by a borderline-bipolar sex monster. You’re gonna love it!

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Comments (17)
  1. SPRING BREAK TULUM, MEXICO 2013 CHILLIN POOLSIDE!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Yea because when a newly divorced male movie star goes on fucky vacation, he’s always called out for not talking to the 50+ women.

  3. Great use of the word “esoteric” in an article about a woman having loud sex.

  4. Maybe those old dudes were sexist jerks. No one wants to sleep with a sexist jerk.

  5. When I go on vacay I make everyone call me Jar Jar Binks because shit is about to get RIDICULOUS.

  6. Pretty sure she actually called him “Topher.”

  7. “There were three or four older guys staying at the resort, fifty-plus, and I don’t think she talked to them at all.”
    - A fifty-plus guest of the resort

    • “There were three or four older guys staying at the resort, fifty-plus, and I don’t think they tried to talk to us at all”
      -A not Demi Moore fifty-plus female guest of the resort

    • “There were three or four older guys staying at the resort, fifty-plus, and I don’t think she talked to them at all.”
      - The three or four ’50-plus’ [Ed Note: 70-plus] male guests of the resort

  8. So who are the ghosts in this equation?

  9. How do they know she was making a Cary Grant reference? I think she was referring to Charlie Sheen’s character in Hot Shots.

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