The 39th annual People’s Choice Awards happened last night, as I bet nearly none of you know. “Oh no, I forgot to mail in my choices!” “I bought that box of Pop Tarts specifically so I could cut out the ballot on the back and mail it in, and then I just threw it in the garbage! Nooooo, not again!” That’s you right now. (I don’t know if People’s Choice Award ballots are printed on the back of Pop Tart boxes for a fact, but I cannot imagine the voting system working any other way.) The Big Bang Theory star Kaley Cuoco hosted for the second year in a row, and for the 39th year in a row I did not actually watch the show, but I’m sure she did a lovely job. Why would they have her back for a second year if she didn’t prove that she could do a lovely job the first time around? See, you don’t actually have to watch these things, you just have to use a little logic. CBS News did watch it, though, and painted this horrifying image of how the night began:

“The show opened with a montage of Cuoco in scenes from hit 2012 movies like “The Hunger Games” and “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2″ before battling zombies dancing to “Gangnam Style.”

STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! What a nightmare! The winners were, as tradition demands, almost all garbage. The Best Aging Weirdo and Best “Down-To-Earth” Starlet awards, who were taken last year by Johnny Depp and Emma Stone, were given to Robert Downy Jr. and Jennifer Lawrence. (For Silver Linings Playbook, right?) (lol, jk.) (Also those guys aren’t garbage.) Adam Sandler got Best Comedic Movie Actor, and I am POSITIVE that it is only a coincidence that he also starred in a comedic movie this year. (That’s My Boy, if you are wondering.) “We just like him!” Hahaha, Zac Efron got “Best Dramatic Movie Actor” because of course he did. What a perfect awards show. I love it. Leverage got Best Cable TV Drama, whatever that even is. Basically all of our favorites. Check out the rest of the list, and also please check out the wonderful photo gallery.

Movie: “The Hunger Games”

Movie actor: Robert Downey, Jr.

Movie actress: Jennifer Lawrence

Action movie: The Hunger Games

Action movie star: Chris Hemsworth

Face of heroism: Jennifer Lawrence, The Hunger Games

Comedic movie: Ted

Comedic movie actor: Adam Sandler

Comedic movie actress: Jennifer Aniston

Dramatic movie: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Dramatic movie actor: Zac Efron

Dramatic movie actress: Emma Watson

Movie franchise: The Hunger Games

Movie superhero: Robert Downey, Jr., Iron Man

On-screen chemistry: Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, and Liam Hemsworth, The Hunger Games

Movie icon: Meryl Streep

Network TV comedy: The Big Bang Theory

Network TV drama: Grey’s Anatomy

Cable TV comedy: Awkward

Cable TV drama: Leverage

Premium cable TV show: True Blood

TV crime drama: Castle

Sci-fi/fantasy TV show: Supernatural

Comedic TV actor: Chris Colfer

Comedic TV actress: Lea Michele

Dramatic TV actor: Nathan Fillion

Dramatic TV actress: Ellen Pompeo

Daytime TV host: Ellen DeGeneres

Late-night talk show host: Jimmy Fallon

New talk show host: Steve Harvey

Competition TV show: “The X Factor”

Celebrity judge: Demi Lovato

Male artist: Jason Mraz

Female artist: Katy Perry

Pop artist: Katy Perry

Hip-hop artist: Nicki Minaj

R&B artist: Rihanna

Band: Maroon 5

Country artist: Taylor Swift

Breakout artists: The Wanted

Song: One Direction, “What Makes You Beautiful”

Album: One Direction, “Up All Night”

Music video: Katy Perry, “Part of Me”

People’s voice: Christina Aguilera

Humanitarian: Sandra Bullock

Comments (34)
  1. Jennifer Lawrence actually seems pretty cool.

  2. Who is voting for these? I think children because of One Direction winning “Best Album” but maybe adults because what child votes for Castle?

    • Castle might be a great show and maybe it is very popular. It certainly has a high rating on IMDB.

    • yeah, trying to figure out who the audience is for the People’s choice awards is very confusing.

      • “Best Dramatic Actor TV” had four nominees from shows on the CW and the guy from Castle.

        Here again, I would assume that teenagers and even middle aged ladies that are all about young vampires would probably vote for some dude from the Vampire Diaries. But wait! Somehow the guy from Castle takes home the prize. Good for him, but what is going on here? He’s probably a really good actor, but there is no way the people that vote for this award show are actually voting on performance, right?

        Adam Sandler wins an award? Did anyone even go see That’s My Boy? If so, what demographic was it?

  3. The winner was me, for the Xth consecutive year, for making the choice to ignore this awards show.

  4. I did not mean to watch any of this, but the TV was on whatever channel it was on and I saw Alicia Keys performing and it was not good. I also saw that Adam Sandler was there which I thought was weird because he didn’t make any movies. How could I forget about That’s My Boy! Anyway, I got a little sad because I really love The Wedding Singer and Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore but having said that, I think he needs to stop. That’s all I saw though. I had to watch American Horror Story which was much better.

  5. Christina Aguilara: The Voice of The People.

  6. Holy moly some of these categories. Celebrity judge? New talk show host??

  7. I feel like awards shows are like David Lynch movies but boring.

  8. I like that a category is “Face of Heroism.” Everything else specifies that it’s entertainment, but Jennifer Lawrence is just The Face Of Heroism for the world for all time full-stop )which you would think would conflict with Humanitarian).

    Now that I’ve looked at the nominees, everyone up for Face of Heroism was female. Was it a make-up brand tie-in? That’s the only explanation, and it’s a disgusting one.

    • That honestly pisses me off a lot. I get that its a bullshit awards show and all, but Jennifer Lawrence played a hero in a fucking movie. What did she do in real life? What about the people who sacrificed themselves to save others at the Aurora and Newtown shootings?

      Now I’m just really sad.

      • Not that I want to apologize for the People’s Choice Awards, but the nominees were all females from action movies. They should have called it something else – “Best Kick Ass Lady Performance” or some such nonsense, but I don’t think that they meant that these actresses were actually heroes.

        If they did, then I am as sad as you are about it. As much as I actually love the Oscars, etc., it would be amazing to have awards shows for the people that do so much more to impact our world.

        Also, Sandra Bullock probably had the most screen time of any award for being the Humanitarian of the Year. Looks like she helped pay for a school to be remodeled and reopened after Hurricane Katrina. So at least they did spend time looking at actual good deeds.

        • Yeah I mean like I said I know its a bullshit awards show. It really is more mislabeled than anything, and I probably overreacted. But still, especially given recent events, its a bit gross.

          • It is hard to believe that in a meeting where these categories are planned that no one says, “Hey, maybe we should have a new title given recent events.” Not one person thought “Face of Heroism” sounded bad?

            So I definitely see what you are saying.

          • As much as I agree that ‘Face of Heroism’ isn’t a great name for this, I also dislike ‘Best Kick Ass Lady Performance,’ how about just ‘Best Kick Ass Performance’? Because, obviously, we are making all the decisions for these choices.

  9. Perks of Being a Wallflower was very good and you should On Demand it tonight, if that is a thing you can already do.

  10. “I don’t understand” is about all I could muster from this.

    I am, apparently, not people.

  11. Looks like the comedy team of Monica Potter and Anthony Anderson should probably host the Oscars.

  12. This is probably the MOST thankful I’ve ever been that 2 hours of primetime television was interrupted by an ACC basketball game, despite the fact that it ended up making me watch the last hour of the People’s Choice Awards by inertia.

  13. I’m very excited that Leverage won something, I don’t think I’ve even seen it nominated before and it was such a fun show. RIP Leverage and all of your Doctor Who and Joss Whedon references.

    • I thought it was still going on… they’re always* closing down bridges and stuff for that show. You never told me they made Dr. Who jokes. Dammit. I should have hunted down Lindsay and his evil hand while I still had the chance.

      *Since I started working from home, my already flawed concept of time has gotten significantly worse. The last time I heard of a bridge closing was probably in June but in my mind it’s like… November (probably actually June or July).

      • Yeah, they showed the series finale on Christmas. It was a great episode and a perfect ending, but I am very sad. But maybe the cast is still hanging around the area!

  14. Uh oh, I like Supernatural, despite it being executively produced by McG (it was hard for my to type that just now) and now this? I gotta rethink some things.

  15. The whole People’s Choice thing sounds almost totalitarian, like we’re living in a communist autocracy; if you don’t agree with der Komissar that the Big Bang Theory is the funniest sitcom ever, your nuts will be hooked up to a car battery.

    It’s slightly better than the more realistic alternative, that lots of people actually like that crap.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.