Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Kelly: Happy new year!
Gabe: Happy New Year, Kelly
Gabe: are you still drunk?
Gabe: from three weeks ago?
Kelly: But I have been drinking since then?
Kelly: So it might not be, like, FROM that night.
Gabe: kelly, be careful
Gabe: have some black coffee
Gabe: in the movies, you have some black coffee
Gabe: and you are right as rain
Kelly: Thank you, Gabe, I’ll give it a shot
Gabe: sober up
Gabe: it’s time to be at work
Kelly: How have you been? If not drunk?
Gabe: i’ve been fine, thank you so much for asking
Kelly: You are so welcome!
Gabe: VERY glad we avoided the fiscal cliff
Gabe: but also sad people aren’t still talking about it
Kelly: OMG me 2.
Kelly: What is the best joke you heard about it
Gabe: they were all 100% perfect
Kelly: I guess that’s the only right answer
Kelly: It’s lucky that everyone had the fiscal cliff and Kim and Kanye West to tweet about during their holidays because otherwise I’m not sure what anyone would’ve done
Kelly: So weird how we haven’t chatted at all since 2012, v. glad we have this time to catch up
Gabe: well, you have been drunk the whole time
Gabe: i’m not saying that’s all of it
Gabe: but i def feel like that’s part of it
Kelly: Oh right
Kelly: My bad!
Gabe: i really need you to get your head in the game
Gabe: so that you can explain to me
Gabe: what the TCA’s are
Kelly: Ok, let me try
Kelly: I’ll start with what I know
Kelly: TCA stands for Television Critics Association
Kelly: And now I’ll move on to what I’m guessing
Kelly: It is an event that happens twice a year (?) summer and winter, and it takes place in one big room over the course of one week
Kelly: Every day the television critics take their seats and the casts of different shows come in to perform a skit for them
Kelly: And whoever has the best skit wins
Gabe: that’s pretty much what i thought
Gabe: here’s a question
Gabe: how many television critics are there? like, in the world? four?
Gabe: here’s something i’ve never heard in a single conversation ever
Gabe: “did you hear what that television critic said about that show?”
Gabe: “i don’t know whether to watch that show or not, it’s been getting a lot of mixed reviews from the many television critics who I read regularly”
Gabe: also, even if there was such a thing as a television critic
Gabe: wouldn’t it just, you know, criticize television?
Gabe: why does it need to ask the television questions first?
Kelly: Yeah, I don’t know
Kelly: And why do they need to ask the questions during this thing
Kelly: Can’t they ask questions anytime?
Kelly: And how do you get invited
Kelly: And also: I have only seen people talking about what other people have been saying about what’s going on inside this TCA.
Kelly: No first-hand critic accounts
Kelly: Where are all the critics?
Gabe: there aren’t any, i think is the problem
Gabe: the room is empty
Kelly: Oh my god.
Gabe: it’s just the cast of Grimm
Gabe: alone on a stage
Gabe: is the idea that a “television critic” whatever that is
Gabe: will give a show a better review
Gabe: depending on whether or not
Gabe: they like the answers the cast of Grimm gave
Gabe: to their questions?!
Gabe: “The show is a little hit or miss at times, but trust me as a television critic when I tell you that you should watch because it was neat to me to get to ask people who are on TV questions in this conference room last winter.”
Kelly: Yeah, it’s weird also because this is, or must be, I don’t know, an event set up by the TCA
Kelly: So they’re like
Kelly: “We need this” ?
Kelly: “Present yourselves to us, we are critics”
Gabe: the television critics created their own association, and the first order of business was how do we ask the television questions, because you can’t just review a thing
Kelly: “Come out of the TV box, I have a few things I’ve been wondering about, like whether or not you and Rashida are friends in real life.”
Gabe: “what does rashida smell like?”
Gabe: “i don’t know, I’m on Grimm?”
Kelly: “YOU LOSE”
Gabe: who pays for all of this?
Kelly: That is a good question
Gabe: does it cost money to go to the TCAs? do the cast of Grimm get paid? Other boring questions?
Gabe: follow the money, kelly
Kelly: It would probably cost a lot to pay everyone in television
Gabe: stop chatting and go follow the money
Kelly: Maybe the TCA has dues? And all their dues go to this TCA thing?
Kelly: Maybe the TCA is just a bunch of television celebrity fanatics who organize events to ask them questions and pay for it all themselves
Kelly: “I don’t care who it is, as long as they’re on TV and I can ask them about it”
Kelly: I’ll tell you one thing that I DO know, and that is that I would hate going to this thing if I were on TV.
Gabe: WHAT? WHY?
Kelly: And it would cost like
Kelly: A billion dollars to get me there
Gabe: also uh
Gabe: i would hate going to this thing full stop.
Gabe: i do not have to be on TV to hate going to this thing
Kelly: Well yeah
Kelly: But they’re not going to invite some nobody
Kelly: Or maybe they are?
Kelly: I don’t know
Gabe: right, i mean, that sounds right, but there is no way to know one way or the other
Gabe: since it is a complete mystery what this thing even is
Gabe: it might be nothing BUT nobodies
Gabe: it’s just a bunch of people pretending to be television critics, whatever those are
Gabe: shouting questions at a guy pretending to be Damon Lindelof
Gabe: about what kind of snacks they have on the set of Grimm
Gabe: and then Deadline posts an Instagram about it or something
Gabe: haha, i am looking at twitter right now
Gabe: and i am seeing cool tweets like this:
Gabe: “It is not Season 4″ – Jason Bateman on new Arrested Development episodes premiering on Netflix in May.
Gabe: i take back everything i said
Gabe: the TCAs are important and i love them
Gabe: HOW ELSE WOULD JASON BATEMAN BE ABLE TO TELL US THAT NEW EPISODES OF ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT ARE “NOT SEASON 4″ WHATEVER THAT EVEN MEANS
Kelly: You’re right
Kelly: It’s like TV Christmas up on the blogs this week.
Kelly: I also heard that Mindy Kaling thinks her show is going to be good even though there have been a lot of casting changes.
Kelly: If it weren’t for the TCA, I would have no idea WHAT she thought.
Gabe: MINDY KALING ADDRESSES CASTING CHANGES BETWEEN THE FIRST AND SECOND HALVES OF SEASON ONE OF HER SITCOM ON FOX AT THIS YEAR’S TCA’S!
Gabe: i was actually typing that
Gabe: before you said anything about mindy
Gabe: let the record show
Gabe: your honor
Kelly: Well that makes sense
Kelly: You cannot talk about the 2013 TCAs without bringing up what Mindy said about the casting changes.
Gabe: without the TCAs people would just have to watch
Gabe: The Mindy Project and decide for themselves
Gabe: whether they noticed and/or cared about casting changes
Kelly: Hahah right
Kelly: “Hmm, the role of Mindy’s best friend seems decreased since the first part of this season and I guess it’s ok? I just wish I knew how Mindy felt.”
Gabe: LET ME IN THERE!
Gabe: i have so many questions for the TV
Gabe: WHAT IS GRIMM? DOES ANYONE WATCH GRIMM?
Gabe: IS GRIMM A CHARACTER? IS THERE ONE NAMED GRIMM?
Gabe: i’ll take my answers off the air
Kelly: Grimm is about a female aspiring rapper who just moved to a new high school I think
Kelly: Her last name is Grimm and it’s also her rap name.
Gabe: is Michael Scott coming back to Grimm?
Kelly: Looks like no, but could be yes!
Gabe: Jason Bateman, is this season 4 of Grimm?!
Kelly: Looks like no, but could be yes!
Gabe: another great TCAs see you at the next TCAs
Gabe: now get out there and enjoy television!
Kelly: We had a lot of fun but more importantly we learned a lot.
Gabe: that’s the TCA’s slogan
Kelly: It only makes sense maybe twice a year
Kelly: But that’s at least more often than the TCA itself.