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In the spirit of the previous Best New Party Game in which you wrote the plot of a movie backwards in order to win all the fun (ex: if you watch Pretty Woman backwards, it’s about a rich woman whose boyfriend makes her become a prostitute) this one is even easier to play. You basically just reduce the plot of a movie to a few salient points to make it sound really dull and disappointing. A few examples from Postmodern Barney, the game’s creator (via BuzzFeed):
- Alien: Ship fails to deliver cargo, crew don’t get bonus.
- Blade Runner: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
- Die Hard: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
- Groundhog Day: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
- Jurassic Park: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
I’ll go first:
- A Few Good Men: A young lawyer discovers that he can, in fact, handle the truth.
- Mad Max: Leather daddy has trouble finding gas for his car.
- Bourne Ultimatum: It is discovered that a dictionary is a weapon.
I’m doing great. Lots of points. Your turn.
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Falling Down: Unemployed engineer ruins detective’s last day on the job
Will Ferrell plays basketball.
Will Ferrel says the news.
Will Ferrell probably ice skates.
Will Ferrel drives a car.
WIll Ferrell has a step brother.
Will Ferrell is in a Woody Allen movie.
Will Ferrell is a soccer coach.
Will Ferrell reminds us of Bewitched.
Will Ferrell.
The Aviator: A pilot tries to discover how many washes it takes to get to the center of his hands.
Quantum of Solace: A man travels across the world to deliver a can of oil to another man in a desert. Various cute fonts are utilized for scene changes.
Double Indemnity: A hardboiled Insurance agent talks into a can.
Pirates of the Caribbean: A dispute between several sailors concerning a boat is resolved.
Transformers: Earth appreciates a GM bailout.
Sex and the City Movie: Rich women go shopping.
(You guys, I wasn’t even playing this game when I wrote that synopsis. WMOAT)
King of Kong: Dudes playing video games. One doesn’t wipe his kid’s poopy ass.
Grey Gardens: A mother and daughter go crazy and forget to clean up
Children of Men: Man takes pregnant women to a boat
King Kong: A women falls for a man but leaves him for an ape
Terminator: A robot fails his mission
The French Connection: French Drug Dealer evades police
see, those just sound like movies that i want to see…
Star Wars Episode I: A group of strange men with a pony tails convince a little kid to get into their vehicle and leave with them, never to see his mother again.
Disturbia: A teenager hangs out at his house for awhile, occasionally checking out what the neighbors are up to.
Meet the Parents: a guy gets introduced to his girlfriend’s parents, whose cat goes missing.
we are marshall: A football team wins some games, loses others; fans are happy and unhappy, respectively.
armageddon: oil drillers rush to drill a deep enough hole while the weather conditions worsen slightly.
the mighty ducks: a series of little league hockey games draw much larger crowds than one might expect for little league hockey games.
black snake moan: a chain anchored to a radiator proves to be an effective method of restraining a small woman.
1408: a man is genuinely dissatisfied with his stay in a hotel, writes negative review
Garden State: Guy’s mom dies, he meets a girl.
Green Street Hooligans: Englishmen enjoy Soccer.
Synecdoche, New York: Man writes play.
A Clockwork Orange: A bad teenager does bad things, gets reformed.
Indiana Jones 4: an archaeologist finds out that the real treasure… was knowledge.
Crank: Man tries to control his heart rate.
Crank: Man tries to control his heart rate.
Juno: Girl gets pregnant; delivers baby.
Dawn of the Dead- some folks go to the mall, don’t get Orange Julius.
Forrest Gump: Man Succesfully waits for bus.
A Christmas Story: Child lobbies for right to bear arms.
Wayne’s World: Funny white guy gets hot Asian girlfriend.
Sixteen Candles: Horrible family forgets daughter on birthday.
Home Alone: Horrible family forgets son on Christmas.
Gabe, this game is not as funny as I think you hoped it would be.
perhaps he puts too much faith in us
XMen Origins: Wolverine
Canadian gets claws, pees pants
Forrest Gump: Disabled mama’s boy embodies/spouts every smarmy platitude ever printed on a mug. Baby Boomers collectively c*m in their pants.
Forrest Gump: Disabled mama’s boy embodies/spouts every smarmy platitude ever printed on a mug. Baby Boomers collectively c*m in their pants.
17 films, one summary.
Grapes Of Wrath, Cannery Row, Of Mice and Men, all 14 other films based on works by John Steinbeck: Everyone was poor and miserable, then they died.
Shawshank Redemption – Black Man serves jail time, white man serves less jail time.
Independence Day: Aliens forget to download anti-virus update.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: Misanthropic industrialist replaces unionized labor with slaves.
Juno: A young girl finds out she’s pregnant, and decides to keep it, while dealing with finding a foster family.
Wait.
Schindler’s List: Officer has jews that do his laundry and stuff.
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle: Two guys are hungry, so they eat.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Guys try to collect some spare change.
The Hulk: A guy gets angry.
Iron Man: Alcoholic inventor prevents hostile takeover.
Juno: Girl keeps baby, almost ruins everyone else’s life.
Blue Velvet: Young man learns there’s more to life than Laura Dern.
Eyes Wide Shut: Man overreacts, almost ruins marriage.
Independence Day: America always wins.
The Room: Woman with neck deformity drives fiance to suicide for no real reason.
Seven: Man has a busy week. Man receives a package and desperately wants to know what’s inside. Immediately regrets knowledge. Shoots the messenger.
The Graduate: Boy fucks older woman.
It is like this entire post and comment section was teleologically leading up to this one comment.
Naked Blood: Boy discovers effective pain killer; someone makes tempura.
Into The Wild: A misanthropic yet surprisingly social boy decides not to go to grad school, refuses sex, works out a lot and ends up living in a van in Alaska.
The Lion King: African safari animals befriend their own natural prey and predators in a demonstration of how the actual food chain doesn’t work.
Con Air: a plane transporting convicts makes and unexpected stop in Las Vegas
Boys Don’t Cry: A young woman learns to accept herself, finds that others are not as willing.
L.I.E. – Older father figure takes a young man under his wing.
Breakin: Young people break racial barriers by dancing.
Superbad: A teenager hangs out with some cops, but doesn’t call his friends to tell them, understandably leading to some confusion.
V for Vendetta: A guy blows up a historical building; citizens for some reason support him.
Valkyrie: German Nazis with American accents try to kill Hitler; they fail and get killed; history remains unchanged.
WALL-E: Fat people return home to junkyard.
Labyrinth: British rock star kidnaps baby, holds him hostage, sings with muppets.
Labyrinth: Girl loses baby brother to owl.
or
Labyrinth: David Bowie’s crotch is bulge-y.
Jesus comes back and disowns his daughter in Davinci Code
Raiders of the Lost Ark – Archeologist finds historical artifact.
what about TV shows?
House: A week in the life of a doctor.
The Office: An office.
I Love Money: Celebrities admit their love of money.
South Park: A small Colorado town and the townsfolk who love it.
Also, Broken Flowers: A man searches for his son unsuccessfully.
“I Love Money: Celebrities admit their love of money.”
Umm, since when have celebrities been on I Love Money?
I knew my use of the word celebrities was a mistake the minute I posted it. I must not have been paying attention.
There’s also
Rock of Love Bus – A man wearing too much eyeliner and bad extensions has sex with overly tattooed strippers. Again.
The Dark Knight: Disgruntled lawyer and clown form a special bond after the death of a loved one.
The Happening: True love out runs the wind.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: An American man proves he can drive better than Asian people, perpetuating a terrible stereotype.
Apollo 13: Spaceship leaves Earth, breaks, and returns home.
Mall cop date rapes alcoholic.
Birth of a Nation: Nation born.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles: Man travels home for Thanksgiving.
Teen Wolf: Teenager becomes wolfman. Wins basketball game by doing so.
Teen Wolf: Teenager becomes wolfman. Wins basketball game by doing so.
Untouchables: A cop momentarily becomes a child caregiver before deciding against it.
The Wrestler: Older man tries to convey to younger generation the relevance of original Nintendos.
Nightmare Before Xmas: A goods supplier’s replacement does sub par job.
Obsessed: A woman becomes fond of her new boss.
Kill Bill: Wedding is crashed, creatively avenged.
2001: A Space Odyssey: Astronaut fixes malfunctioning computer, disappears.
Spider-Man: Nerd kills friend’s father, dumps a redhead.
Oldboy: Newly freed man has sex with daughter.
The Big Lebowski: That dad from “Rosanne” hits a Red hot Chili Pepper with a bowling ball and then sprinkles a wood-chipper-killer’s ashes into a Dude’s face.
once: a musical about a vacuum cleaner repairman and an immigrant housekeeper.
Double Indemnity: Man kills other man, loses girl, goes to jail.
The Postman Always Rings Twice: Man kills other man, loses girl, goes to jail.
Ossessione: Man kills other man, loses girl, goes to jail.
Rope: Men kill other man, lose each other, go to jail.
The Sixth Sense: Psychiatrist teaches troubled young boy to accept himself.
Pay It Forward: Young boy tries to improve world, later stabbed to death by a peer.
Psycho: Man devoted to his mother finds himself rejected by society.
Beetlejuice: Displaced residents creatively deal with the new inhabitants of their home.
Monsters vs. Aliens: Social outcast befriends other misfits.
Harold and Maude: May-December romance leads to a suicide.
The Dark Knight: Vigilante causes extensive property damage, multiple deaths, finds himself rejected by society.
The Exorcist: A preteen’s affliction disrupts her mother’s acting career.
Thirteen – Daughter deals with peer pressure. Mom is shocked.
The Godfather – The Godfather dies and his son takes over family business with some reluctance.
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington – Mr Smith goes to washington.
Where the Wild Things Are: Boy is sent to room without any dinner. Hunger causes bad dreams.
No Direction Home: Old man reminisces about yelling at journalists.
Being John Malkovich: Man imagines self as celebrity.
Nell: Doctor takes shy girl into town.
Splash: Fruit man takes shy girl into town.
Edward Scissorhands: Avon lady brings shy guy into town.
Do the TV Guide people do this? On purpose, I mean.
Wait! Wait! I got some more…
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Man finds it harder than he imagined to break up with his forgetful girlfriend.
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure: Overgrown child can’t find bike.
Fargo: Business deal goes terribly wrong.
Big Fish: Dying father won’t shut up.
The Manchurian Candidate: Special interest group endorses political candidate who loses nomination.
Waiting for Godot: Two men wait for Godot.
Kill Bill, alternatively: Highly motivated caucasian woman achieves goals in spite of unsupportive friends, causes asian woman splitting headache.
The Crying Game: man gets unexpected package, vomits.
Highlander: Antiques dealer eliminates competition.
The Usual Suspects: man gets his way talking bullshit
Garden State – Guy stops taking anti-psychosis meds. Feels funny. Meets a girl who makes him feel not so funny.
Silence of the Lambs: An Ohio man?s sewing hobby draws the interest of a therapist and FBI trainee.
Nobody must remember the old adage about every story ever told…it applies to this exercise. So every film ever made is either
A stranger* comes to town. (or)
A stranger* goes on a journey
*Robin Williams does not qualify
King Kong: A wild ape is captured and put into captivity, it escapes, so they kill it.
Crash: Racism is complicated
The Ring: People regret still owning VCRs.
Feardotcom: People regret going online.
Hostel: People regret leaving America.
Saw: People regret not wanting to live.
Rushmore: Bill Murray makes friends with a Barber’s son.
The Royal Tenenbaums: Bill Murray’s wife’s family don’t like eachother.
The Life Aquatic: Bill Murray sees a big fish.
Darjeeling Limited: Bill Murray misses a train.
Broken Flowers: Bill Murray probably has a son.
I Heart Huckabees: Fuckabees.
Shaun of the Dead: Take car. Go to Mum’s. Kill Phil, grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over.
Annie Hall: Two people meet, decide to go out for awhile but it doesn’t work out. They move on
Alien vs. Predator: An Alien disagrees with a Predator
Deliverance: friends go on a river-rafting trip
Easy Rider: Two men go on a motorcycle trip, are never seen again
Starship Troopers: Foreign attacks lead to war.
Showgirls: Hooker runs away from problems, creates more problems, runs away from them again.
Star Wars Trilogy: Wheezing burn victim abuses son.
Gladiator: Man slices and dices his way to popularity, and Rome’s heart. Then he dies.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Five friends on a road trip are invited to a BBQ
8 mile: A Detriot man overcomes his difficulties with being white. Alcholic mom solves all problems by winning Bingo.
Bicentennial Man: A women leaves her fiance to go fuck a robot and later she marries that robot.
The Sixth Sense: A man dies. A crazy little boy talks to himself.
Fight Club: Man’s mail-order shopping addiction leads to mental disease.
Brokeback Mountain. Cowboy can’t quit.
Armageddon: Oil-drilling crew faces difficult government contract, does filthy things with animal crackers.
Bourne Identity: Will Hunting gets amnesia.
Deep Impact: There’s a black president!
Men in Black: Civil servants combat illegal immigration.
I really could do this all day…
Top Gun: Men with clever pseudonyms fly into the danger zone.
Silence of the Lambs: It puts the lotion in the basket.
Jaws: Three men never get the bigger boat that they desperately need.
The Usual Suspects: Audience spends 96 minutes steeped in a cripple’s crap.
Steel Magnolias: A group of southern women find that they cannot suppress their facetious nature, even after a diabetic kicks it.
Amadeus: Music genius giggles, then dies.
Finding Nemo: Boy touches “butt,” gets abducted.
Harold and Maude: Boy learns to live by banging an old lady.
The Room: A man is torn apart.
I did this a few years ago on KP:
http://kittenpants.com/daily/20060403.asp
Alternative Movie Descriptions
RED DAWN: A Russian commander convinces a group of teenagers to drop out of high school and join the military. C. Thomas Howell will eat your heart out!
POLTERGEIST: A family hires a strange dwarf to help them clean house.
JUST ONE OF THE GUYS: A transgendered teen fights for acceptance.
SILKWOOD: The true story of a woman who lives with a lesbian but loves a man. Meryl Streep’s shower scenes are steamy!
TEEN WOLF: A coming of age story about a young basketball player and the changes his body goes through at age 16.
CARRIE: Shy girl wins Prom Queen. Boy, is her face red!
FUN!
Annie: Rich man gives daughter up to an orphanage.
Jaws: Friends go on a fishing trip.
The Lord of the Rings: Good samaritan returns lost jewelry.
Good Will Hunting: Janitor does math and then goes to see about a girl
Dirty Dancing: Man teaches girl to dance, gets upset about her sitting in a corner
My Dinner with Andre: Men eat.
- Interview with a Vampire: A gay couple find it hard to raise their adopted daughter while traveling Europe
- Empire Strikes Back: An unorthodox hand surgery causes a young man to rethink his family dynamics.
I’m still commenting on the backwards party game. It’s energized my mind.
Anyway -
The Big Lebowski: Everyone thinks guy is other guy.
Macbeth: Go-getter finds success, regrets.
Charlotte’s Web: Pig grows up; spider dies.
Citizen Kane: Group of men can’t finish biography.
E.T.: Kid shows off thing he found in the woods.
Annie Hall: Newly single New Yorker can’t stop living in the past.
Brokeback Mountain: Long-distance relationship fails.
2001: A Space Odyssey: Man breaks computer for deleting his stuff. Also, monkeys and crap.
Psycho: Man, mother fail to maintain hotel.
Speed: Bus goes fast.
I typed down “Ed Wood: Transvestite befriends Hungarian,” but it actually fails to make it any less interesting.
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist – Boy and girl kiss. Then meet. Then fall in love. Listen to music.
Breakfast at Tiffany’s: Call girl meets writer. Loses cat. Finds cat. Falls in love.
About a Boy: About 2 boys actually.
Withnail & I: Drunk men visit English countryside.
Godfather II: Man loses trust in his brother, has him shot in a boat.
Citizen Kane: Wealthy man remembers his beloved sled.
Meeting People Is Easy: Meeting people isn’t easy.
FTW…awesome
Every James Bond Movie: Government agent ignores countless international laws.
jumanji: siblings play board game with strangers.
bubba ho-tep: elvis, black jfk fight cowboy mummy in texas retirement home.
…i don’t think it’s possible to make bubba ho-tep not sound fucking awesome.
Ghostbusters
Despite threat of complete space-time annihilation, streams are crossed to coat New York City in marshmallow.
Ghostbusters 2
Old painting facilitates baby kidnapping. Percy Sledge helps Statue of Liberty stave off spectre resurrection.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day: 2 robots fight over small boy.
Short Circuit: A robot quits his job.
Transformers: A boy’s genealogy project leads to new, robotic friends.
Murderball: Team loses the big game.
ghost-swayze gets cancer, watches life continue.
batman and robin-poison ivy, gas can, and the governor of california need rhinestones to give gotham a white christmas. batman-under robin’s atheist views-prevents this.
back to the future- very confused boy befriends lunatic, loses contact with reality.
Bloodsport
A big Asian man gets punched in the nut sack.
PS, I Love You
Dead man sets ridiculously elaborate precedent for boyfriends dying of cancer.