Where did you guys meet? I bet that’s a fun story! I love to hear the stories about how cute couples met. Oh wait, hold on, your boyfriend has more to say. SHHHH I AM TRYING TO LISTEN TO YOUR BOYFRIEND HE IS SO FUN AND FASCINATING AHAHAHAHAHHAHA ALEX JONES YOU ARE TOO MUCH YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR EYE ON THIS ONE OR I MIGHT JUST STEAL HIM AWAY!

You’ve got to kiss a lot of guns if you want to catch an Alex Jones! #SuicidePills (Via Politico.)

Comments (48)
  1. I love him because I hate happiness.

  2. Pictured: Alex Jones.

  3. I absolutely LOVE when Americans bring up the revolutionary war with Brits because well NONE OF US WERE ALIVE. And it doesn’t matter now. But also because I like to imagine the British invading us. Also why do these people talk like they knew the founding fathers so well? They probably don’t want to talk about how the SOCIALIST French funded our war so we should be really grateful to FRANCE! Somehow the argument doesn’t slide that way. It’s not convenient to mention that. Or that also like SLAVERY existed when the constitution was written.

  4. sorry could only listen to 30 seconds after alex jones started talking

    it’s clear i’m not dating him for his brain, must be his looks

  5. Wrong Jones. This is my boyfriend:

  6. I’m worried that people will think this makes Piers Morgan look good. On the other hand, from a British perspective, if people thinks he looks good on CNN, maybe he will stay in the US. Ideally he’d stay in the US *and* we’d never hear of him again. Cf. Ricky Gervais, Simon Cowell. You’re welcome!

  7. This is gonna be just like the Revolution! We’re gonna get chased up and down the east coast by the British Army for a bunch of years until the French come and bail us – oh, wait a minute.

    • But seriously – how do guys like Alex Jones reconcile their hatred of the French with the fact that we were never going to win that war without their navy?

      • With the pure, true love of ‘MURRICA

      • Silly R2, it wasn’t France who came to our aid, it was The Lord God Himself. He merely worked His miracle through France — and crucially, He did this before France godlessly overthrew their king and went commie and started in with all that frou-frou cheese and wine and stuff that led directly to collaborating with the Nazis. READ YOUR HISTORY BOOKS OR AT LEAST SEE A DAMN MOVIE, IT IS ALL THERE.

        • The revolution technically started because the colonists were pissed at a tax hike directed at them because GW (not Bush) bungled the French and Indian War.

  8. If there was a sanity test to own guns, this guy would fail. In the mean time he’s armed. This makes me worry.

  9. Everyone knows that the louder you yell, the more compelling your argument.

  10. Hoooooly shit.

    THERE ARE NO METAL SHARKS IN THE WATER.

    • I’m not sure I got that quote right, but there were so many of these crazy quotes that I’m not going to go back and look for this one. If I wait patiently, I’m sure this whole rant will show up in my Google reader in gif form.

    • THIS MAN IS A LIAR. WAKE UP, LEMMINGS!

    • You were just saying the Second Amendment guarantees our right to bear tridents and I was saying only if we form a well-regulated Trident Militia.

  11. HERE ARE ALL MY ARGUMENTS IN A ROW DON’T SPEAK HERE’S A TANGENT TO MY TANGENT BECAUSE YOU’RE WRONG AND NOW I’M SPEAKING IN AN ACCENT.

  12. In his defense, listening to him makes me want to shoot myself

  13. Wowwww. Lots of Red Coats on this site apparently. There are no metal sharks in the water, you sheep! AMURRRICA!

  14. A lot of good points here. I think we should start with:
    —Making guns small enough that lemmings can fire them.
    —Making pins bigger, so that more chimpanzees can dance on them.
    —Putting metal sharks in the water to defend the Union against great white sharks.
    —Mandatory British accents in debates.

  15. Remember a couple of days ago when Buzzfeed posted every actor who portrayed Bruce Wayne and ever actor who portrayed James Bond in one picture? This is they whole country’s “that one uncle.”

  16. I like this guy almost as much as I hate “furnurs”.

  17. Suicide mass murder pills.

  18. this is exactly what thanksgiving dinner with my crazy grandfather is like, except you need to add in a bunch of racist comments and some real weird and inappropriate sexual comments towards female family members.

  19. “A hatchet man of the New World Order”?? I think I read this guy’s ramblings on YouTube. It’s about time CNN brought on someone not afraid of #THETRUTH

    • Guns don’t kill people, SSRIs and sharks kill people, all women in India are asking for guns. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

      • Actually *I* need to wake up. I do read this man’s insane ramblings on the reg. Sorry guys, I was up super late last night watching Game of Thrones.

        The comments on his sites are ridiculous. Illuminati, reptoid, Nibiru, FEMA death camps, THE WORKS. He’s a mad man and I kind of love him and I didn’t realize that I’ve loved him for awhile. I’m going to have another coffee.

  20. Is this angry yelling or busted hearing aid yelling?

  21. Fuck off America you’re keeping Piers Morgan it’s been decided there was a poll.

    I can’t actually watch those videos. The part of my brain labelled “Alex Jones’ nonsense” is at full capacity as my father-in-law used to make us listen to the same insane rant (file labelled alexjonesrant01) repeatedly every time we’d visit. He was a big fan until he read that Alex Jones is Jewish. Then he stopped listening.

  22. Alex Jones would very much like to have a gun, please.

  23. For someone so skeptical of the government he sure likes to cite those FBI statistics.

  24. Now Perry Mason’s tactics in the courtroom are up for scrutiny? I thought if there was one thing that all Americans could agree on, it was that Perry Mason is wonderful. I guess I was wrong.

  25. Thomas Jefferson does not approve of people putting words in the founding fathers’ mouths, especially about their supposed approval of large non-muskety artillery.

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