Ryan Gosling attended the premiere of his new film Gangster Squad last night with his mother as his date. His mother, when asked about what she was wearing, responded, “I’m wearing Eva Mendes.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Is that why Ryan and Eva didn’t spend New Year’s together?! Is that why Eva wasn’t his date to the premiere? Did Ryan Gosling’s mom murder Eva Mendes in order to wear her beautiful body to the premiere of Gangster Squad?! NO! YOU WEIRDO! She just meant that all of the clothing she was wearing belonged to Eva Mendes, and she was borrowing it. Man, you are so gross. (But also, what? All of these clothes belong to Eva Mendes?) (Huh?) (She does look beautiful.) (And tasteful.) Anyway, while the sweet, beautiful Ryan Gosling stopped to sign autographs at the movie premiere to which he sweetly and beautifully brought his mom, a fan presented him with a sweet, beautiful painting of his big face staring straight back at him, blankly. What every man wants! She did the work creating this wonderful piece of art, and now you have to do the work creating a CAPTION FOR IT! That’s how art works! Ask a museum! Get to work!

Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball and a painting of their own big, expressionless face.* (Thanks for the tip, Antonia!)

*Lie.
Comments (28)
  1. Whoa, his blazer matches the drapes.

  2. “Wow…it totally looks like Ryan Reynolds!”

  3. Oh, sure. Stop and have a meaningful conversation with a person who put a lot of effort, time and talent in a portrait of someone who they admire and then schelpped this thing over to a movie premiere and completely ignore the guy who happened upon the primmer and offered a dirty pizza box to sign. Typical Hollywood phony.

  4. Hey girl, your simple rendition of me truly captures my complex feelings for you.

  5. I think it may be hard for me to control myself around him.

  6. “She’s doing her Masters thesis on… well, Ryan Gosling.”

  7. So THAT’S where thisismynightmare has been!!

  8. “But what does it mean?”

  9. Oh, sure, he likes this, but MY fanart is “creepy” and “poorly rendered.” :(

  10. It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It’s probably the best drawing I’ve ever done.

  11. MARION, DON’T LOOK AT IT! SHUT YOUR EYES!

  12. Never trust a f.art*.

    *Fan-created art

  13. I wonder if the abyss of his dead eyes is staring back into him.

  14. [long pause]

    [blinks]

    [cracks a half smile that causes her ovaries to go full-on Chernobyl]

    [another really long pause that stretches on and on.]

    “Cool.”

  15. “You guys – check out this great footage I got of Ryan Gosling’s torso!” – that guy with the hat

  16. “How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrible, and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young. It will never be older than this particular day of June… If it were only the other way! If it were I who was to be always young, and the picture that was to grow old! For that – for that – I would give everything! Yes, there is nothing in the whole world I would not give! I would give my soul for that!” Said Ryan Gosling.

  17. “thank you for this. I’ll keep it somewhere safe, I assure you. but the reason I will not exhibit this picture is that I am afraid that I have shown in it the secret of my own soul.”

  18. I realize it probably costs approximately 1 million dollars, but I gotta say that suit is pretty damn amazing.

  19. No, Ryan! Never put your hands directly on the canvas! That’s how paint loss occurs!! (sorry, the curator in me gets twitchy when I see people mishandle art. Even fan art).

  20. The world finally gets to see the painting that was being fought over when Gosling broke up that fight in the streets.

  21. Not about the painting but about Gangster Squad in general: I think I liked it the first time when it was set in the 1920s and called The Untouchables.

  22. “Sorry I didn’t get your eyes right, Ryan. They’re usually closed when I’m studying you!”

  23. Is this like one of those things where if he stares at his own reflection his head turns to stone?

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