Ever since he either won or lost in the Swimlympics, whenever those happened (in my memory they lasted for 13 months 100 years ago?), there have been rumors about a possible Ryan Lochte reality show. “Why?” asked no one. He is handsome and popular and says the complete dumbest things whenever he makes sounds with his mouth, which is the perfect recipe for a tasty reality dish. (Yuck.) And now it’s finally happening, 100 years later yaaayyy! From Deadline:

The long-rumored E! reality series starring Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte is now a reality. Network president Suzanne Kolb made the announcement today during the E! Entertainment portion of the TCA press tour. Titled What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, the six-episode series from Intuitive Entertainment will feature the “vivescent” Lochte, Kolb said, adding that E! brass wondered “How deep is the pool of Ryan Lochte? It turns out, very deep.” [Ed Note: Hahah. Very good.] The episodes will feature the swimmer partying and training as he prepares for the 2016 Rio Olympics while building his fashion line, making media appearances, dealing with his close-knit and outspoken family and friends and looking for the right girl.

Haha, “while building his fashion line.” Totally. This is a very solid idea for a dumb reality show and I’m sure it will be at least successful enough to warrant its existence, so what else can one really say? What would Ryan Lochte say, do you think? “The thing that’s good about the show is me — Ryan Lochte.” “Well, I got a call and the phone said, ‘Show’s about you?’ so I was like, ‘Jeah, a’course.” Haha. That handsome dummy. All we can really do at this point is guess the answers to the question proposed in the title: What Would Ryan Lochte Do?

  • Swim
  • Party
  • Nod
  • Smile
  • Dance on a girl
  • Hug mom
  • Sit in on a meeting
  • Answer cellphone, “Jeah?”
  • Fight with sister
  • Make-up
  • Tie shoes
  • Spa treatment

Fun fun fuuuuuuun! Sometimes you just gotta dust off that old imagination and let it run free!

Comments (26)
  1. Kelly, you forgot to include “Sex Idiot.” Now the list is complete.

  2. Pretend he lost your number and never call you again.

  3. Sketch clothing line ideas. Unless his clothing line is for socks like that other guy.

    • E! Entertainment will now be the source of reality star sock lines. If you have a show on E!, a requirement will be to produce socks.

      The Kardashians are already covered. One of the Jonas brothers has a show (I’m sorry that I know that). He better start making some socks.

  4. Watch Friends and not get the Joey jokes because they all sound like common sense.

  5. At some point he could adopt a pet monkey for a couple of days. I don’t think that’s ever been done in a reality show before.

  6. I imagine he will go to like a million dental visits to correct damage from biting the olympic metals all the time. Ryan Lochte they are not filled with chocolate! Stop biting them, you don’t know where they’ve been.

  7. Hopefully they’ll document his wake and bake routine.

  8. Bong hits. So many bong hits.

  9. I’d like to see him roll around in the dirt with a puppy, and then track that dirt all over his mom’s clean kitchen floor before falling asleep in a sunny little patch on the living room carpet. And his mom will see the tracks and put her hands on her hips and stamp her foot. That Ryan! So infuriating! But he’ll look so sweet sleeping in the sun, she’ll forget all about how angry she was and just pat his simple little head. Awww, sweet little guy. All tuckered out from a roll in the dirt.

  10. You can do an episode(s) where he talks to that SmarterChild bot on AIM.

  11. It will be 30 minutes of Lochte trying to pronounce “vivescent” each week…

  12. • Get a swimming pool full of liquor and dive in it.

  13. I just hate all athletes. I know that’s stupid. But I really just hate ALL of them.

  14. - Breathe in
    - Breathe out

  15. Party with Prince Harry (no naked billiards again though please)

  16. Coordinate grill with outfits


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