This website has had a long and difficult history with America’s Mediocrity, Al Roker, but all of that is forgiven today. He is now an American Hero. Let’s just get right to it. From TMZ:

When you undergo gastric bypass surgery, NEVER TRUST A FART — and Al Roker learned that lesson the hard way … at the White House.

Roker — who got his stomach stapled in March 2002 — shared his most embarrassing moment on “Dateline” last night, saying he was covering an event at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave a month after his operation … when he felt the urge to let one rip.

Roker said, “I probably went off and ate something I wasn’t supposed to. And as I’m walking to the press room, [I'm thinking] well, I gotta pass a little gas here. I’m walking by myself. Who’s gonna know? Only a little something extra came out. I pooped my pants.”

Roker said he beelined for the restroom to dump his underwear in the trash — and proceeded to go commando the rest of the day.

#NeverTrustAFart is trending worldwide. “I beelined for the restroom to dump my underwear in the trash and then I proceeded to go commando for the rest of the day.” That’s how that quote went, right? He said it exactly like that? Some stories you don’t want to embellish them or take the scenic route. This reminds me of Nicholas Schmidle’s incredible article in the New Yorker last year about the hunt for and assassination of Osama Bin Laden. No bells and whistles. No self-indulgent journalistic flourishes. Just sitting down and reflecting the world back to itself. January 2012: Mark Wahlberg single-handedly stopped 9/11. January 2013: Al Roker poops his pants at the White House. I don’t know about you guys, but this makes me excited for ALL OF THE STORIES YET TO BE TOLD! (NEVER TRUST A FART!)

Comments (32)
  1. “Well played, Roker.” -Hugh Jackman

  2. YOLO: You Only Loosen-Your-Load-at-the-White-House Once

  3. I’ve been on the anti-trusting-fart train for a while, but this will really help my campaign. Sandwich board and bell, here I come!

  4. “Did you hear that a terrorist successfully deployed a dirty bomb at the White House? Apparently, he was a member of Al Roker.” — Ghost of Johnny Carson

  5. I wonder if Smuckers will celebrate the anniversary of the time Al Roker shit his pants at the White House.

  6. “You never know weather you’re going to crap your pants!” – Al Roker

  7. I feel for the poor janitor who had to empty out that bathroom trash can.

  8. Here’s what’s crappening in your neck of the wood.

    I’m sorry.

  9. If he lived in Brooklyn they’d call him a Trustafartian. #gothamistcommenterjokes

  10. Haven’t we all pooped our pants at the White House at some point or another?

  11. This is what happens when you let the journalist in you take over.

  12. Also, that’s it. This is officially my favorite news piece of 2013. Just go ahead and get my Pulitzer ballot so I can fill it out and rest easy for the rest of the year. TMZ, you crazy bastard, you’ve done it again.

  13. Wait, the greatest celebrity quote of all time was already a year ago? Have I been reminding people at any mention of Mark Wahlberg how he would have stopped 9/11 for a whole year now?

  14. I wish I could hear Roker tell this story in person, so I could savor what must be a very dramatic pause between, “a little something extra came out,” and, “I pooped my pants.” You know, to give the audience a moment to wonder, in silent awe.

    • It was on dateline the other night! I watched it (and the whole time I was imagining Gabe writing something about it). It was absolutely perfect. When he finished, “…extra came out,” the interviewer then clarified and said, “You pooped your pants?” And he repeated, “I pooped my pants.” So it was double verified.

  15. Al Roker is poopalicious!

  16. Turns out it was a milk dud.

  17. The only way this could get any better is if he told the story in front of a fireplace, while wearing a turtleneck and holding a wooden pipe as part of a special Today Show interview.

  18. I wonder if he was inspired by that character in the Jizz cartoons whose name is Laura “Shitty Panties”. If you don’t know what I’m talking about here it is, but be forewarned it’s super crude: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR4cL3Y3BsY

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