DOWNTON ABBEY! DINNER JACKETS! MR. BATES! COUSIN MATTHEW! THE IN-LAWS! IRELAND! LAURA LINNEY! AHHHHHHHHH! Remember when season 2 of Downton Abbey came out and some people complained that it had gotten too soap opera-ish and didn’t have the same high-drama gravity of the first season? Those people should have seen season 3! LOL! Boy oh boy, this show is still great and I sure am glad it is back but also whoa and slow down and take it easy Downton Abbey. A wedding, a murder, a complete financial collapse, breast cancer, AND a broken stove?! IT’S TOO MUCH! Anyway, all of our old friends are back. Well, kind of. Mr. Bates is in Les Miserables. Did he murder his wife or was it suicide? It’s hard to know because one night he gets mad and is like don’t threaten me because I’m a red herring. Meanwhile, Thomas and Miss O’Brien are on the outs and you know what that means: PRANK WAR! Matthew and Mary almost don’t get married because on the night before their wedding, literally a few hours before their wedding, they get into a very boring fight and they both realize that maybe their marriage will be boring. Luckily for them, Tom Branson, the former chauffeur turned perpetual sass-bucket, is able to become an entirely different character than he has ever been or even suggested he could be in any other scene and gives Cousin Matthew some ideas that he picked up in a romantic comedy or something. Yay! The wedding is saved! But not Downton Abbey. Not after Lord Grantham invested all of his money in Short Line. Uh oh! Meanwhile, Shirley McClaine is perfect as Cora’s mother because if there is one thing that Americans love to do it is mention America in ever single sentence. Suddenly, watching Downton Abbey is like looking in a mirror! Breakfast for dinner! Let’s see, what else: apparently they invented breast cancer already, although I would have thought breast cancer got invented in, like, the ’70s. Also Lady Edith is dating a 90-year-old man who is riddled with disease. His face is sloughing off in handfuls, not that he would know, one of his arms is just a bag of loose fluid wrapped in a sling. Gross, Lady Edith. Did I miss anything? Laura Linney is so pretentious and ridiculous and she needs to cut it out. Anything else?

Comments (38)
  1. You Can Downton Me

  2. My favorite part was the detailed list of everyone Anna mailed and which people got back to her. GRIPPING. Tell me more, Anna. Any Out of Office notices? Any bouncebacks? Who still has a yahoo address? Mr. Bates has nothing but time.

  3. Lady Mary needs a sandwich and some cookies. Wow she’s fading away! That wedding dress was hanging off of her.

    • I would like this because it would mean more screen time for Mrs. Patmore, cooking and baking up a storm. (Is she still on it? I was away from the tv last night.)

      • She is, and she’s still cooking up a storm. Though the stove did break and they had to feed everyone from the….larder? Mmmmmm.

    • Meanwhile is Matthew’s jowl growing? He could maybe lay off a sandwich or two.

      • Matthew looked good, way better than he did before. You shut your mouth.

        Also: wasn’t that the style for super wealthy women in post WWI society? They gave up the corset, but were expected to be as thin as possible and wear loose-fitting dresses? I mean, I’m sure it is because she’s an actress and is already super thin, but the style of that dress was absolutely on track with the styles for women like her at that time. It’s where the whole idea of the shift came from and that you have to be super tiny inside, essentially, a dress shaped like a sack. I know it was repeated in some mod clothing in the 60s and some billowing 70s stuff… but every time I’ve researched that, it always went back to women trying to still appear to be corset thin without a corset in the 1920s.

  4. I loved that Tall Footman was a plot point.

    “Tall Guy, you’re so tall!”-Everyone at Downton

  5. Laura Linney is the Gossip Girl of Downton Abbey.

  6. Question: I did not watch season 2 past the second episode because it was a yawn-fest. I did read our beloved recaps here though! So, can I start s3 without having to catch up on 2? Or should I slog through to make sure I don’t miss any important dinner-and-walk related happenings?

    • Yes, easily. But it’s the same show. Still a soap opera. You might just want to catch up on something you’ll like more.

    • Yes, except for the fact that Kelly never recapped the Christmas Special (unless I missed it when I fell through the time vortex) which is where M&M got engaged!

  7. I IRLLOL’d at The Dowager Countess of Grantham thinking her son was a waiter.

  8. Julian Fellowes’ America: Where ANY dinner jacket will do.

  9. I missed this to instead watch An Amish Murder on Lifetime. I feel comfortable with my life choices.

  10. The feisty Irishman going on about Sinn Fein and the Black and Tans got me all hot and bothered.

  11. If I knew how to make gifs I would make them of the Dowager Countess giving withering glances because they would be super helpful for putting people in their place in the online forums that I always use because I love getting into arguments in online forums.

  12. Remember the 5+ minute-montage they spent “not” talking about sex with their relatives and wives’ fathers and how is was “not” kind of gross?

    • Or when Cora told Edith that she was “next,” at the wedding, as though she wasn’t the only sister to not be married, so of course she’s either “next” or will die a spinster.

      Love this show!

  13. Was anyone else sort of under the impression that Edith’s old man suitor was just sort of going through the motions and the only people that noticed he didn’t really like her were her dad and grandmother? She seemed ridiculously desperate to cling on to this guy, even for Edith. I honestly thought that little “don’t come near my daughter you’re giving her the wrong impression” stuff was to spare her feelings from being rejected again, this time by a 75-year-old guy with fluid for an arm.

    • Did you see the scenes though? It looked like they are getting married next week! Oh no Edith….

    • Bruce LaBruce should incorporate this in his next movie Gerontophilia (sexually into old people – like 80+) which he’s filming now. Edith can pose all sexy with him in his diapers as she slaps her tush with his dead arm to get the motors going!

    • Yeah, it seemed like Lord Grantham totally realized that Edith was kind of throwing herself at this guy desperately, but the guy wasn’t too terribly interested in marrying her? And the scene between Sir Anthony and Edith where she’s like “Why are you pushing me away??” was EXACTLY like a scene between the two of them from last season.

      But now…I guess he does like her, because it definitely looks like they’re getting married?

  14. ugh how old is everyone supposed to be? they all look great for being in their millions.

    • I think everyone is under 50. No one lived past like 55 in those days.

    • I was speaking to someone about the timeline and how The Dowager Countess should probably be shuffling off this mortal coil pretty soon, depending on how many years this season goes through.

      I was also talking to my mom about how funny it is that Thomas STILL doesn’t like Bates although their initial encounters were almost 10 years ago at this point. And the fact that Bates has probably not even been at Downton for about a year now, since his arrest, trial, and imprisonment. GET OVER IT THOMAS.

  15. Shirley Maclaine and American Lady’s Maid’s near constant use of the phrases, “I’m American!” and “This is 1920!” rival “I didn’t come here to make friends!” and “This is the 90s,” as favorite catchphrases for me.

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