I like New Girl. The other week I was watching an episode of New Girl and I thought to myself “Do you know why this show is good?” Because that is how I think, in didactic, self-reflective questions. “Yes,” I thought to myself in response, “because all of the people on this show seem like they’re genuinely good friends who like and appreciate each other.” That’s neat! Even if it’s just a combination of good writing and great acting, it’s a rare trick to pull off. So many casts on television, especially on sitcoms, have a certain chilliness to them, which often comes from the fact that it’s easier to write jokes about people making fun of each other than it is to make jokes about people enjoying each other’s company. But so yeah. And I’ve never been bothered by Zooey Deschanel’s overly precious, cute and quirky thing. QUITE THE OPPOSITE! I think she pulls it off, and she seems nice and fun. When people complain about it, I think they are just jealous, which is the type of argumentation that would usually drive me nuts because you are allowed to complain about anything and there is nothing more condescending than to dismiss someone’s entire thought process and emotional state than by casually tossing it off as base jealousy. Gross! But I do think people are jealous of Zooey Deschanel. (Admittedly, the Siri commercial was silly.) Jesus, Gabe, why don’t you just marry her already? OK FINE, I WILL USE MY GREAT GRANDMA’S RING TO PROPOSE BECAUSE SHE WILL LOVE THAT! The point is: Zooey Deschanel is a-OK in my book but also HAHAHAH, she does know that when you are shopping for ingredients for a recipe YOU DON’T NEED TO BRING THE WHOLE BOOK TO THE STORE, RIGHT? You can write the ingredients down on a piece of scrap paper! Or in Zooey’s case, on the foot of an old doll’s shoe! Or engraved on the inside of a locket! You can write the ingredients down in lemon juice and then go into the store and buy a candle and go into the back alley with the candle and reveal the list like you’re a spy sent to make a quiche in enemy territory! But you really don’t need to bring the whole book, Zooey. Just FYI. Lots more great tips like this from me to you when we are man and wife.

Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. Zoinks! (Zooey’s word.) Image via JustJared, no duh.

Comments (63)
  1. Of course I am jealous. She is going to be making something that may be cookie-related. HOW CAN ANYONE NOT BE JEALOUS OF THAT?

  2. Am I the only one getting this mental image from those earmuffs?

  3. She’s abookable.

  4. Siri, is that kale? What is kale? What does it do?
    Sorry Zooey no one knows what kale is

  5. “How do I make Hotzpacho, Siri?”
    “Take a gigantic cookbook to the grocery store, put on your ridiculous earmuffs meant for a 10 year old and get your ass to the store, Zooey”
    “Siri, are you sure there’s no app for that?”
    “No.”

  6. I usually take a picture of the recipe with my Droid Razr. Can you not do that with an iPhone?

    But who am I kidding, I don’t use recipes! I only eat Guy Fieri (Guy!) frozen food products!!

  7. You think I’m jealous? Oh yeah? Well, I think you just like her cause of her looks, personality, talent and strong work ethic. There.

  8. You can see Gabe is an old soul, since he didn’t simply suggest Zooey take a photo of the recipe on her phone (takes less time than writing it on a piece of paper, plus saves like a rainforest’s worth of trees or something).

  9. Siri, how does the sausage get made?

  10. Siri, set a reminder for me to cook tomorrow. Today we dance!

  11. now that’s a spicy, organically-grown, oregano-infused and locally bred beef meatball!


  12. i know it’s a little early in 2013 to be nominating myself photoshopper of the year already, but i think i pretty much nailed it with this one.

  13. I’ll have some eggs and a carton of milk and make no BONES about it!

  14. You see everyone, the monkey earmuffs are there to convey to the audience of New Girl why a quirky, cutesy, smoking hot indie girl cannot get boned by the three single dudes with which she lives. It’s classic Lucille Ball, I mean Zooey Deschanel!

  15. “My knee-quirk reaction is to get some Bisquirk Panquirk Mix, but I’m feeling festive, so maybe a Quirkish Game Hen? Oh, me.”

  16. Where does she live that earmuffs and shorts is an acceptable outfit?

  17. Here’s what her shopping list looks like:

    Milk
    Almonds (raw)
    Nutella
    Ice chips
    Cheerios
    Pomegranates
    Indian figs
    Xigua
    Illawarra plum
    Elephant apples
    Dragonfruit
    Rutabaga
    Elderberry
    Acai
    Macaroons
    Gala apples
    Iced tea
    Razzleberries
    Leeks

  18. Carry a giant book–look like you dropped 10 pounds!!!

  19. 1 gallon rainwater from Oregon
    6 eggs from a chicken named Steve
    Those little cookies with the hole in the middle so you can put them on your pinkie while you eat them
    All the tea
    3 vegetables with the letter Z in the name

  20. “How much nutmeg is too much?”

  21. ♫ I’m reading. I’m in a store, and I’m reading. I’m in a store, and I’m reeeaaading. ♫

  22. I think she’s stealing Bret’s shtick by having ear muffs that look like her ears.

  23. badideajeans–I know I’m a little late to the party, but could you do Flavortown, Graceland?

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