AHHHHH! Ok. Everyone keep cool. Put on your special Academy Award season gold plated oxygen masks before helping others and DO NOT panic. You remember the drill, right? Once you’re full of oxygen, line up in an orderly fashion outside of the building and walk to your nearest garbage dump. Once you arrive at the dump, find the wettest spot and bury yourself beneath it. Wait there for further instructions, because it seems like the Academy Awards might be RUINED! From The Huffington Post:

Reports of difficulty accessing the Oscars’ first-ever online voting system and fears that it could be hacked have raised questions about balloting for the 85th annual contest. Earlier this year, the academy and its longtime accountants, PricewaterhouseCoopers, partnered with the electronic voting firm Everyone Counts Inc. to develop the system.

“There’s considerable concern from many members that voter participation will be at record lows this year because the people who wanted to take a chance on this new cutting-edge system are either giving up on it or worried they won’t be able to cast their votes,” said Scott Feinberg, awards analyst and blogger for The Hollywood Reporter.

In the past, Oscar voting has been compiled strictly through paper ballots sent through the mail. The new system allows members to choose between voting online or sticking with a traditional mail-in ballot.

NOOOOOOOOOO! Where is P. Diddy when you need him?! Vote or die, Oscar voters! Vote or die soonish probably because you seem kind of old, but I hope it is a peaceful death and that you are as OK as you can be with it! I’m sorry! It happens to all of us! (Also Morgan Spurlock tweeted that his log-in and password didn’t work so they had to MAIL him a new log-in and password in the mail? WHAT IS GOING ON OVER THERE?) There must be a solution, though, to this Oscar voting disaster. Cancel the Oscars? Invite me to the Oscars and give me some awards, and have me hand out the rest? Have 4chan decide? THERE’S GOT TO BE A WAY!

Comments (16)
  1. Alex Cross sweeps the Oscars!

  2. Username: Oscar
    Password: password

    There you go, Morgan.

  3. I hope this is actually a top secret plan to get all of the old white dudes who vote for shit like War Horse to get so frustrated with the newfangled technology that they don’t vote. I think this would be a vast improvement.

  4. Morgan Spurlock probably didn’t realize his password was case sensitive, and that he had to Supersize some of the letters. These are the jokes, people! Someone hire me to write the Oscars!!

  5. Anyone else uncomfortable with Morgan Spurlock voting?

  6. Remember all they issues they had when they tried vote-via-fax in 1992?

  7. I tried to bury myself and I only got this far! MORE SAND!

  8. “We should hire these guys.” -Florida

  9. I wondered why there was so much oscar buzz for The Penis Mightier recently.

  10. I heard this is exactly like the stuff that’s currently going on in the Middle East.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.