Some may rag on TLC for providing exclusively exploitative, generally somewhat sad, garbage “reality” entertainment while maintaining the name “The Learning Channel,” but you AT LEAST have to hand it to them for coming up with so many different iterations of the same stupid garbage. HOW DO THEY DO IT? From the network that brought you Toddlers and Tiaras, Sister Wives, Extreme Cougar Wives, Jon and 8 + Wife, Coupon Wives, Garbage Wives, and Tiny Wives, (I think all of those are correct?) comes this shiny new gem. From Deadline:

From the network that made reality stars out of pageant toddlers and their moms, comes a new series about moms who themselves compete in beauty contests. TLC, the home of hit Toddles & Tiaras, has greenlighted Pageant Wives (working title), a new unscripted backdoor pilot/special that goes inside the world of the highly competitive Mrs. Pageant circuit in Denver, Colorado. Pageant Wives revolves around five aspiring married pageant queens from the Denver area whose every waking moment is focused on primping and always looking competition ready as they devote their time, money, and family’s patien–

ENOUGH! We get it, they’re horrible and the TV show is about how horrible they are and how they, with the help of TLC and their husbands, are willing to exploit their own families in order to grab a little bit of the spotlight before their pageant beauty fades, even if it means forcing their children, who apparently would be in need of their attention in any case, under the hate-filled lens of America! A TLC SHOW, WE GET IT. But it raises an important question: What “wife” shows is TLC missing? Mob Wives is already on another channel, so you can’t say that. Dessert Wives? Blog Wives — wives who run a successful blog from their living room and the toll it takes on their family? Dog Wives? Wives who are dogs? (Or wives who are married to dogs?) Moon Wives, wives who live on the moon?! WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Comments (51)
  1. Human Wives?

  2. Haunted Wives

  3. Hipster Wives

  4. Bigfoot Wives

  5. Midwife Wives

  6. Funeral Wives

  7. Old Wives’ Tails: about old women who cheat on their husbands.

  8. Nine Wives

    One Wife to Give

  9. Bad Grammar Wifes

  10. Wives of Videogum

  11. Bride Wives Wars

  12. America’s Most Fabulous Worst Wives

    A Chechen in Scottsdale: The Mail-Order Wives Story

    When Wives Attack

  13. Steve Winwives

  14. Rizzoli & Wives

  15. Wave Wives (concerning their obsessive dream of being chained to a rock in the middle of the ocean and sacrificed to Poseidon and the toll it takes on their families)

  16. jim beam wife (me)

  17. I’d watch Moon Wives, especially if they also were married to the moon.

  18. Saturday Night Wives

  19. Wait, Pageant Wives is a working title? TLC better hurry up and secure that!

  20. Lycanthropic Wives

  21. Gelatinous Wives

  22. Beard Wives

  23. Time-Travelin’ Wives

  24. Richard Pryor Wives


  25. Extreme Wives

  26. Mumford & Sons & Wives

  27. Wives With Knives (but only because Lifetime got there first)

  28. Fish Wives: Married To The Sea

  29. Splice Wives

  30. Wife Cops

    Trampoline Wives

    Stunt Wives

    Gun Wives

    The Etsyest Wife

  31. World of Wifecraft?

  32. Do Cats Have Nine Wives? (a docuseries exploring the burgeoning field of Cat Metaphysics, hosted by Elmer Fudd)

  33. Taking Wives

  34. Twilight Wives

    Will also focus on the husband, and how hard it is that his adult wife won’t stop talking about teenage vampires.

  35. Wife Fight
    Wifed Up
    Wavves Wives
    Give Me Back My Wives

  36. How many husbands will claim that “being married to me is like winning a pageant”?

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