Say what you want about Tom Cruise — “His face is crooked in a way that is completely mindblowing but also you’d never notice if it weren’t for that line,” “He’s shorter than he looks in movies and at awards shows, or so I hear,” “His personal life seems incredibly odd, but what do I know, and also it seems like maybe Suri is better off with Katie as her primary caregiver, but to be honest I wish I didn’t know anything about it, and maybe I don’t, and I wish you hadn’t asked,” but one thing we all know for sure is that he is a goooooood actor! And also he has the right idea about hotels, from I’m Not Obsessed:

Tom Cruise may spend a lot of time living out of hotels as he travels the world to film movies, but that doesn’t bother him. As a matter of fact, he “loves” it. Lee Child, the author of the ‘Jack Reacher‘ novels, shared this about the star:

“I’m riding down in the lift with Tom Cruise from his high-floor suite to the hotel restaurant. He’s booked in for four sold months. It’s a nice hotel but still, I ask him if he’s OK with it. Does he like living in hotels?”


‘I love it’, he says, and I can tell me means it.”

Hahah. “Love it, goodbye!” Tom says, stepping off of the elevator as it paused between floors. “But wait, Tom! NOOOO!” cries out Lee Child, the author of the Jack Reacher novels, but he is too late, as Tom has already fallen into the elevator shaft. “It’s ok, I love it here!” Tom calls back, falling, falling. But a final thump is never heard. “What?”

Tom is right about that, though. Hotels are the best. “I love it” too, and I can tell that I mean it. The showers are nice and the beds are comfortable and it’s not like he can’t ever go back to one of his homes if he wanted to. “Bring the champlane around, I forgot something at home.” – Tom Cruise, any time he wants. And he calls it a champlane because it’s a plane full of champagne. And the seats are so comfortable. TOM CRUISE’S LIFE IS PROBABLY SO NICE!

Comments (23)
  1. I don’t know if I would believe he really loves hotels if he wasn’t jumping up and down while he said it.

  2. Bet I know who pilots the champlane:

  3. I’m sure my coworkers think I’m insane for lots of different reasons, but at the moment I can’t stop irl snort-lol-ing over that second last paragraph. Excellent work, Kelly!

  4. With any really really big movie star, I always assume that their actual homes are like nice hotels. They’re probably decorated by someone else, the staff is responsible for changing the sheets and towels constantly, and they probably don’t spend enough time there for it to really feel like they’re at home anyway.

    • Isn’t it always weird when you’re in the house of an acquaintance who hired a decorator? It’s always kind of beautiful but hotel-like. What can you say? “Wow, I love the giant vase on the credenza, the vase holding nine irregular sticks, under the print, the abstract print of muted tones, which is lit just right by the recessed lightbulb.” I am never really sure what conclusions to draw about these people.

    • In B.B. King’s autobiography, he talks about how his actual home was designed to look like a hotel, his bedroom specifically, because he was so used to the feeling of falling asleep in little hotel rooms.

  5. Sure, he loves it when he can take the elevator down from his “high-floor suite,” but his opinion might change every day when he has to take the stairs back up because he can’t reach the button on the elevator.

    • except on days when it rains, because he has his umbrella.

    • As a kindergartner, I used to run away from the kindergartner when the staff wasn’t looking, and would walk back to my building nearby. Since I was so short, and living on the 13th, top floor, I’d usually enter the elevator (jumping up and down to get it jump-started, since its sensors often wouldn’t register my weight and it wouldn’t move an inch) and tiptoe-jump until I’d reach the 9th floor button, so that I’d only have to walk 4 stories up.

      I imagine Tom Cruise to be at least as smart as the kindergartner-me.

  6. Is “high floor suite” code for “the mother ship”? Because I’m gonna assume it is.

  7. Hahaha, “champlane”…and with one well-placed word amalgam, Kelly’s world beating rap career is born.

  8. I want a plane filled with champagne. That is literally all I want for Christmas. Too bad I don’t get Christmas this year. Stupid lousy Smarch weather.

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