Arnold was right, this Christmas party is VERY special! What a treat it must have been for the children to have bizarre celebrities and ancient champion bowlers scream an off-kilter Christmas carol into their faces. “Papa, I wish tonight would last forever!” I think my favorite thing about this Christmas party, though, is how it’s filled with human beings acting like totally normal, real human beings with each other and definitely NOT acting like scary monsters from actual nightmares. “YOU AND YOUR SINGING LESSONS HAHAHAH I AM GOING TO GRAB YOU AND RIP YOUR BODY TO SHREDS WITH MY MEAT HANDS! FOR CHRISTMAS! DO NOT JOKE WITH ME ABOUT BOWLING BALLS YOU ARE JOKING WITH ME. WHERE IS DANNY DEVITO?” What a great party. Let’s cancel all of the holiday parties in America and just gather people in freezing cold conference rooms and watch this on a small TV because those parties are bullshit anyway, THIS is the one true party. Have some chicken nog! Did you try the beans?

Comments (12)
  1. I think I might have just learned the true meaning of Christmas, you guys!

  2. …for some reason.

  3. I think Gabe just got away with making a retard joke.

  4. Does anyone else cry while watching the Hey Arnold Christmas episode? I have cried while watching maybe two or three movies/TV shows in my life, but the Hey Arnold Christmas episode is one of them.

    (Did you guys watch Hey Arnold? Guys?)

    • Was that the one where Arnold reunites the one tennant with his long lost daughter? And Helga spends the whole day trying to get those boots but then realizes they don’t really matter and ends up finding the guy’s daughter for Arnold after he gave up and she never tells him and oh man I hadn’t even thought about that episode for years but goddamn if I’m not getting goosebumps thinking about it now.

      Nickelodeon had better shows in the 90s. Fact.

  5. I feel like this is what would happen if I took Psilocybin with my family around.

  6. I am powerless to stop the Everything Is Terrible video playlist.

  7. I usually just watch ‘Jingle All The Way’ for 24 hours in a row starting on Christmas Eve, but now, it looks like I’ve found a new tradition to begin.

  8. FINALLY someone is talking about Krampus. FINALLY.

  9. I met mike tyson when i was younger and he was really nice.

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