Hello holiday shoppers! It’s that time of year again when you have to panic about having not yet purchased anything yet for all of your loved ones, and think about it, and think about it, and idly search through a few websites and the “For Mom” and “For Dad” sections on Amazon.com because you got an email saying that they have free next-day shipping on certain items, and look at your bank account and think, “Why didn’t I just not,” and you don’t even bother finishing that sentence in your own mind because it doesn’t matter and there isn’t any time. “Maybe I’ll just paint a portrait of the family?” you think, so desperate. “Maybe if I write a note to my brother inviting him to stay at my apartment for a ‘Boy’s Weekend’ in the city, or whatever, that will be enough? The promise of a future activity? Or does that sound weird. Does it sound like I mean I’m going to take him to a strip club, do you think? What do you think? What should I get for my brother?!” RELAX! Relax all you selfish jerks who couldn’t take 2 seconds out of their early-December to figure out what to get for the people who love and support them all year ’round. JUST BUY THEM THIS POOPING THING!

Everyone loves poop, that’s the thing. And everyone NEEDS to take a bath or a shower. It’s that perfect middle ground between getting someone a gift that they desire but would never buy for themselves, and getting someone a gift that’s just totally useful and a time & money saver. Thanks, ZooPoo. We get you and you get us. (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (26)
  1. Packy’s gonna’ love it, Kelly!

  2. What a shitty idea for a present.

  3. What the hell scent is “jellybean”?

  4. The fact that he’s sitting in the bath tub is what really sells it for me. My Christmas shopping is DONE.

  5. I was hoping he’d demonstrate it for us.

  6. Kelly, you should really subscribe to GOOP. Thanks to our friend Gwyneth, I have almost too many gift ideas!

  7. I honestly think my dad would love this. But if I get it for him, he’ll yell at me. What he really wants is my dog.

  8. Thanks for the SHOUT OUT Kelly!!! I am the guy sitting in the tub trying to sell you on having a stuffed animal poo shampoo out on your head! I appreciate the traffic your sending to my site. Some of these comments are hilarious! Merry Christmas everyone.

  9. To paraphrase Tom Waits: “Shampoo for my real friends, real poo for my sham friends.”

  10. Why does the lion look so unhappy?

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