Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe: kelly, hey
Gabe: how’s it hanging, dude?
Kelly: It’s hanging like it always does, bro!
Kelly: How are you doing?
Gabe: oh fine thanks
Gabe: thank you so much for asking
Gabe: how are you?
Kelly: Oh I’m fine, too! A little sick, but mostly fine!
Kelly: Thank YOU for asking!
Gabe: get well soon
Kelly: Will do, maybe.
Gabe: you need to be in good health
Gabe: for your upcoming fight to the death
Gabe: on the new CW show
Gabe: The Hunger Games
Kelly: What?
Kelly: The Hunger Games is a series of movies
Kelly: Based on a YA fiction series
Kelly: You must be mistaken

Gabe: read it and weep
Gabe: you’re dead meat
Gabe: i like that the CW is also preparing
Gabe: a drama series
Gabe: based on The Hunger Games
Gabe: covering the spread
Kelly: Hahaha
Kelly: That is good, I hadn’t actually read that part until now.
Kelly: You have to hedge your bets when you’re trying to rip off an intensely popular series
Gabe: about children slaughtering each other
Kelly: Mmhm
Kelly: This reality show, though
Kelly: I’m not going to say that I WON’T watch it.
Kelly: Because the reality is
Kelly: That I will watch it
Kelly: Because it sounds great.
Kelly: Except for how it is teams of 2
Gabe: well hopefully each team
Gabe: falls in love

Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: God a full month of trying to survive in the wilderness without food, water, or shelter
Kelly: what a shitty reality show to try to be on
Gabe: in 2003
Gabe: called survivor
Gabe: grow up, kelly
Kelly: Before my time
Gabe: change your diaper
Gabe: and join the conversation
Gabe: also: “what a shitty reality show to try to be on”
Gabe: is a pretty good description
Gabe: of every reality show
Kelly: That’s true, but at least in some of them you get to live in a house
Kelly: And DON’T have to kill animals in the woods so you can eat something.
Kelly: It doesn’t say the age of the contestants, I do hope they are Hunger Games age-level.
Gabe: i feel like
Gabe: you can either make a hunger games themed show
Gabe: with children where they just have to survive in the woods
Gabe: or if you feel weird about the kids thing you can use adults
Gabe: but then they DO have to kill each other
Kelly: Hahahaha
Kelly: I think that’s fair.
Gabe: i’m an american
Gabe: i deserve to be entertained
Kelly: And they’ve already taken Kid Nation from us.
Kelly: How much more are we expected to give???
Gabe: thanks a lot, Obama

Kelly: It’s funny that the Hunger Games reality show and drama series both have very similar names
Kelly: The Hunt and The Selection
Kelly: Not even trying for two seconds over there at the CW
Gabe: what is there to try?
Gabe: the children have spoken
Gabe: the future of television is here
Kelly: They probably didn’t expect that having their dream of a Hunger Games-style reality show come true
Kelly: Would mean that THEY would have to be the ones fighting for OUR entertainment
Gabe: they should have thought of that
Gabe: children never think of anything
Gabe: they are so stupid
Gabe: and that is why they must kill each other
Kelly: A cruel twist, but a fair and necessary one.
Kelly: Hopefully if there are any future generations of children they’ll understand not to go crazy about books in which kids kill each other
Kelly: Knowing the only next reasonable step for the adults in charge of the money-making machine will be to turn their obsession into reality
Gabe: yes, IF there are any future generations of children
Gabe: i feel like between The Hunger Games and the City of Men
Gabe: we might run out pretty soon
Gabe: but it’s going to be exciting to watch it happen
Gabe: LIVE on the CW
Gabe: tuesday nights at 8:30PM
Gabe: after Pasadena Heights
Kelly: A fitting end to the beautiful story that was Humanity.
Gabe: loved it
Gabe: 3 out of 5 stars
Gabe: cannot wait for the bonus features
Kelly: The blooper reel is going to be hilarious
Kelly: Such a fun cast.
Kelly: I have to say though that I don’t think I’m going to do very well on this show, Gabe.
Kelly: I wish you hadn’t signed me up for it, to be honest.
Gabe: oh god, yeah, no, you’re going to do terribly
Gabe: unless there was a gilmore girls episode about surviving in the woods
Gabe: you’re screwed

Kelly: No, there was one episode were Lorelei went fishing but that is literally the closest Gilmore Girls came to preparing me for this
Kelly: If only I could bring Luke along as my wilderness partner.
Kelly: He’d know what to do
Gabe: would he, kelly?
Kelly: He’d know exactly what to do.
Kelly: ;)
Kelly: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)
Gabe: good luck out there, Yuckniss Evergross
Gabe: all of District Blog is rooting for you
Kelly: RIP

Comments (38)
  1. I think Kirk might be better as a coach for Kelly, if only because he always so highly trained in so many different things… Fine, Luke can fish and do outside stuff, but Kirk would teach Kelly how to get the hell out of the woods and hold 3 jobs at a nearby town, wait for everyone to kill each other and then saunter back in and take the prize.

  2. Hey, guys, can you please sign my card for Kelly and get it back to my desk by end of day? Thanks!

  3. Wait, you’d take Luke over Jesse??????

  4. This Tracker Jacker moment is brought to you by Honey Nut Cheerios. Be happy. Be healthy.

  5. Killmore Girls

  6. even beyond the Hunger Games [which itself was a rip-off of Battle Royale], there is nothing original about it. it’s basically Survivor: Capture the Flag. nothing is original anymore. i’m probably gunna donna darko someone saying the exact same thing.


  7. even beyond the Hunger Games [which itself was a rip-off of Battle Royale], there is nothing original about it. it’s basically Survivor: Capture the Flag. nothing is original anymore. i’m probably gunna donna darko someone saying the exact same thing.


  8. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a reality show, because I have to do a lot of things I don’t want to do just to survive, like go to the store. It’s awful you guys. Don’t live this way.

  9. Children of Men > City of God

  10. Seriously CW. Can you at least produce a Veronica Mars miniseries before you make TWO Hunger Games related shows?

  11. Speaking of the CW…

    Next week is the finale of Gossip Girl! No more Gossip Girl ever! I can’t decide if I am relieved or disappointed.

    Can we get a recap or an open thread for this momentous occasion?

  12. there’s way too much talk here about hungry game (boring looking rip off of battle royale I refuse to watch) and not enough photos of jennifer lawrence. The J.Law.

  13. also somebody needs to post a link to the rad mash up of the opening theme of the wire with breaking bad, it was on the buzzfeed web zone yesterday, you should watch it, its pretty rad

  14. 1) Didn’t we learn from Drag Race All Stars that teams of 2 make for shockingly disappointing reality TV?

    2) I think (someone correct me if I’m wrong) that one of the kids from Kid Nation…. (wait for it) … was on Intervention after he became addicted to bath salts and had a psychotic break with reality which caused him to go hunting for shadow people?

  15. isn’t that just called survivor?

  16. They should make a reality show of that film Jennifer Lawrence did before she went down hill where you have to track down your dad and then have a banjo competition.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.