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After the first few days of this you start to think, OK, hell isn’t THAT bad. Sure, it’s annoying and absurd, but at least there aren’t any red hot pokers up my butt or whatever. The first year passes–because in hell they measure time just like we do on Earth, so that you know–and now it is starting to get a little bit bad actually. You’ve developed these weird sores on your eyelids from watching Mia perform the Stanley Steamer jingle in over 14,000 variations. Your ears are filling up with fluid. For some reason your feet hurt, even though you have been sitting the whole time. By year 10, you have developed a character named Coal who looks just like you but is much, much smaller, and he lives inside of your head, and every time the song begins again, Coal burrows deeper and deeper into the warm, soft tissue of your brain. “You are safe, Coal,” you whisper to him, “I will not let her get you.” By year 100 you are trying to figure out if there is a way to kill yourself in hell, although you know that you are already dead, and this fact, that you are dead, makes you weep that you cannot die again. By year 1000 you actually think you are starting to like this, it’s growing on you. By year infinity even the devil begins to feel sorry for you, because this is the worst, and no one should have to suffer like this. (Via ViralVideos.)
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Jiminy Crickets, this woman could be tried for attempted murder.
I know I shouldn’t have found that as entertaining as I did, but here we are. Only God can judge me.
Experiment, try listening to it with your eyes closed and see if you have the same reaction.
You’re telling me I was supposed to watch this with the sound on?
Took me at least five seconds before I futilely tried to take my life.
No more S2 ‘Girls’ spoilers, Gabe!
Can’t wait to see what she does with the Empire Carpet song.
Or Strutz: the Human Shock Absorber…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGU3DtCLOt8
Or Dream Lites!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcMMuBQo6jI
This nightmare has endless possibilities.
By year 50, Coal’s mind submits to the jingles, and beings doing a reggaeton rendition in the recesses of your mind.
You think this is bad, you should hear her parody of Flo Rida’s “Whistle” called “Bissel.”
You guys, I think flappers are the bees knees, but I do NOT get people trying to look like them. Flappers were the cat’s meow once upon a time, but they don’t exist anymore! Stop doing that!
Applesauce! Dry up, Facetaco.
Which one was the flapper? Are you sure you know what a flapper is? Alternatively, am I sure I know what a flapper is?
You guys I’m kinda into the electogoth one. Like, I might remix it next time I DJ.
Wait I don’t even know if I’m kidding anymore.
This is just what I assume every episode of Glee is.
I spent the entire video cringing and waiting for the sure-to-be-horrifying “rap” version. I do have to give her credit for leaving that out.
And apparently, “Avril Lavigne” is a genre of music?
WAIT I KIND OF LIKED THE AVRIL ONE TOO WHAT’S HAPPENING!
Avril Lavigne is so punk rock she gets her own genre, duh.
why
I was thinking the exact same thing. I just want to know why.
I can only assume it is some kind of weird audition tape. Like “I can take whatever crap you give me and perform it in any musical style”. Like the youtube equivalent of headshots where you show you can wear a lab coat and hold a test tube and thus play a scientist, or you can have a cowboy hat and a lasso and be a cattle rustler, etc.
Wait. YOU GUYS. What if this is actually viral marketing for Stanley Steamer and we’re all playing into his games!?
Come to think of it, I do need to get my carpet cleaned.
CALL. ANYONE. ELSE.
His games? Now I really want to believe that Stanley Steamer is not a company, but some dude named Stanley that runs a one man operation of cleaning carpets.
I’d like to think it’s a filthy sex act that I am too afraid to look up online because it probably is. And it probably involves carpets.
Only if Stanley is from Cleveland. Otherwise you’re safe.
YouTube is our generation’s bathroom mirror.
This.
I spent too much time analyzing her room. That closet is way too sparse for such a diva and why are all the mirrors so low to the ground? Isn’t that table a little too close to the closet and too far from the bed?
That’s an ugly bureau.
I’d rather watch a Cleavland steamer variations video.
I’m so tired from studying i thought the title said
Anne Hathaway, what happened?
I’m sorry your dad didn’t pay attention to you, musical theatre kid.
That is some funny writing by the way.
The Latin pop one: racist or not racist? I’m leaning towards racist, but that could be entirely due to the fact that musical theatre kids annoy me.
i watched the whole thing!
and it’s 11:55 pm!
Somewhere, Katherine Chloe Cahoon is green with envy.
I liked it.