It’s the holidays. You know, I know it, Mario Lopez knows it. Courtney Stodden definitely knows it, wherever she is. One look outside my window to the beautiful Brooklyn wintertime scene — 60 degrees, grey, raining on and off, the constant piercing music of various neighbors’ car alarms — confirms that it is indeed the time for hanging stockings by the chimney, drinking hot chocolate and eggnog with loved ones, and trimming the tree in your tiny underpants while your daughter stands below, at what cannot possibly be a very good angle for a daughter to stand, and your wife takes a photo and then puts it on Twitter, only to have it land on a million blogs because at one point you were AC Slater and now you host a gossip TV show and apparently your wedding is going to be aired on TLC soon, because that is always a classy move that bodes well for the relationship in general, and also it is Christmas, and also gmail was down for a few minutes today and everyone has gone totally nuts because of it. So, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Mario Lopez. May we all one day be able to put the star on our Christmas tree surrounded by gifts in our beautiful home surrounded by our loving family while in our tiny, red underwear. May we all have a wonderful day even though gmail is being a bit spotty. May we all rest in peace. (Full-size Mario Lopez underwear tree photo after the jump.) (Via ONTD.)

Comments (20)
  1. Lets chip in and buy that little girl some therapy for Christmas.

  2. Prepare yourself for a deluge of Mari Lopez food-shame tweets after he ated all the green & red Christmas m&m’s.

  3. If it’s too hot in there for pants, maybe they should just…

    turn up the AC.

  4. This means Zack is the only one left who hasn’t done porn, right?

  5. That little girl doesn’t really seem like she’d be that effective of a spotter if he did fall.

  6. She already took his pants.

  7. count on Mario to show a little extra. judging by his muscle tone, he’s really been sticking to those jerry curls at the gym.

  8. I’d like to think that this is what happened next:

  9. The wardrobe person for that Greg Louganis TV movie just found out what happened to those costumes that went missing.

  10. Hanukkah, 1999.

  11. Truestorygum! I used to be a limo driver, and one day I had a pickup for 6 people who wanted to go to San Diego and they all worked on Saved By the Bell – the New Class and one of them was Mario Lopez’s cousin who, when booking the limo, asked for a “cool driver” and I being the only driver under the age of 60 was assigned the pickup. When I arrived they started placing boxes of booze in the trunk and asked if I knew where they were going. “San Diego?” I said. Mario Lopez’s cousin laughed and slapped me on the shoulder, “Tijuana!” I tried to tell him that I couldn’t take the limo out of the country, but he assured me that we’d park at the border and walk across. When we got down there, I offered to stay with the limo, but they all insisted that I come with them, like, super-drunk insisted where you can’t say no, so I walked across the border with them and we went to a nightclub where Mario Lopez was standing on the bar, dancing and pouring tequila down everyone’s throat, including mine. They kept trying to get me to do more shots, and I kept reminding them that I was driving them all home. We ended up almost getting arrested because one of them brought a beer outside, but we made it back to the limo where everyone immediately passed out and I had to drive back two hours, in the 5am fog, completely exhausted, listening to Mario Lopez’s cousin snore. Also we got back three hours past the time they paid for, so I had to lie to my boss and say we got back at 2. Fun times!

    • 1) You ARE the coolest limo driver ever. 2) Now I’m just going to go around telling everyone I’m Mario Lopez’s cousin because that is just a great lie.

  12. Also, I have had not one, but two run-ins with Mario Lopez. The first was in the parking lot of Jerry’s Famous Deli and he was with Ali “Doritos Girl” Landry, and they were lollygagging across the lot and I got irritated and kind of gunned the engine, which made them put on some hustle. Then I realized who it was and I started laughing, which I’m sure made them think I was some crazed person who ran down former teen sitcom stars in parking lots for kicks. The second was at a movie, where he ended up sitting next to me. His cologne was, shall we say, aggressive.

    Just thought I’d share.

  13. I prefer to think he’s just wearing a sexy lady’s fur-trimmed Christmas bikini and decided, for modesty, to cover up with a t-shirt.

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