There are many different belief systems concerning death: that you go to an afterlife based on how nice you were, that you are reincarnated as a bumblebee or a princess based on how nice you were, or that there is nothing after death and therefore we should be nice while we are alive. Very few of them in either the East or the West deal with how the dead should listen to their mp3 collections: UNTIL NOW. Let’s just set aside how this coffin will be obsolete within two years of the burial, and how it is very unclear who is going to maintain these playlists and/or the technical glitches when the system inevitably crashes, and do you have to download the new iTunes that gets released every two weeks because that is annoying to have to maintain even when you are alive? But I’m sure all of these tech issues have been thought through so that when you purchase a CataCombo Hi-Def Sound System MP3 Super-Coffin there is nothing keeping your cold, dead ears from hearing the sweet, sweet tunes of KNOCKIN’ ON HEAVEN’S DOOR! (Besides, you know, being dead.) What a cool song to play into someone’s coffin! That definitely doesn’t make this seem like way more of a joke than it already seems but is also somehow maybe real, I can’t tell, this website is not funny enough to be a good joke. You know what would be a good joke, though? Doing this but to someone’s coffin. Namely your coffin.(Thanks for the tip, George.)

Comments (40)
  1. Unrelated, but this reminds me: Who wants to enter into a Facebook death pact with me? Basically, whoever dies first, the other has to go in and erase their facebook profile. Because Facebook profiles for the dead are fucking creepy. And the number of “Happy birthday, bro” wall posts that dead people get every year really helps to demonstrate why “friend” is probably the wrong word for Facebook to use.

    You can keep my Myspace profile active, though. I don’t think anybody will notice.

  2. I am just going to assume that these are specifically targeted toward people undergoing Coffin Therapy.

  3. Guess I’ll have to start working on my “Help! Help! I’m not dead! Let me out of here! Let me out of here!” playlist.

  4. Is this Tupac’s answer to Beats by Dre?

  5. When I die bury me inside the Gucci store.

  6. Putting Bob Dylan’s ‘Knocking on Heaven’s Door’ on your playlist is a little presumptuous. Might wanna add AC/DC’s ‘Highway To Hell’ just for good measure.

  7. I wish to listen to music in death as I do in life: Through the tiny speakers on the bottom of an iphone.

  8. I’d have them play Thriller on a loop, you know, just in case.

  9. is this what Isaac Brock is singing about in “bury me with it”? #stereogumcomment

  10. So, great, my Coffman is obsolete.

  11. Can someone at HBO please green light a Six Feet Under 1 hr special or a 4-part mini-series. I really want to watch a scene where David goes off on a rant about this DUMB product.

  12. “I, a rich jerk, being of sound mind and vengeful body, do hereby bequeath $100,000… to Mr Squeaks, my cat. To my wife I leave a 1983 Plymouth K car that I abandoned near Barstow in 1984, if it’s still there. To my useless son, I bequeath a slap to be administered by my attorney at once [pause for slap]. The remainder of my vast, almost incomprehensible fortune is to be spent on the sweetest sound system devisable for my coffin, one (1) copy of every song available on iTunes, and a pyramid. Thank you.”

  13. Can I get mine outfitted with a large bass, I would like the ground to shake.

  14. I’m holding out for the urn that is also a bose sound system.

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