Hey, man, remember how you worked really hard to get a rare, well-payed, glamorous job as a television news anchor? Sure, it’s in your local market and you’ve got dreams and aspirations of moving to a bigger city, asking the tougher questions, at least getting off of the morning beat and into something more substantial, but still: nicely done, you have a grasp on that big brass ring. So, hey, with that in mind, I was thinking, HOW ABOUT YOU DO YOUR GODDAMNED JOB! I love love as much as the next guy and your girlfriend seems really nice, but also sandbagged, and also this is THE FUCKING NEWS. And if you bring up the fact that Al Roker puts old people’s faces on Smuckers jars every morning, let me tell you that I’M NOT A HUGE FAN OF THAT EITHER, but at least in that case we are talking about a civilian’s birthday, not using our public-facing job to glorify what is in general a distinctly private event. “But Gabe, people propose on jumbotrons, and with flash mobs.” People do lots of stuff that is BAD that they SHOULDN’T DO. I guess if someone proposed to his girlfriend by jumping off a cliff you would do that too? Actually, that would be better. Ugh. If this happened in a Garry Marshall movie about St. Patrick’s Day, I would be like, NO, GARRY MARSHALL. “But Gabe, at the end of the day, this is still about two people who love each other, and isn’t that what is important?” No, what is important is that we stop turning everything into a fucking YouTube view-counting party that’s a half-step above or below (it doesn’t matter) being on a Vh1 reality show in terms of delusional, narcissistic self-aggrandizement. Stop it. Take her on a picnic! Go to the beach! Cook the engagement ring into a prison cake! I don’t care, just get out of my fucking face with these proposals you are all being obnoxious and I don’t know what they see in you! #RAGEVIRUS (Via Reddit.)

Comments (40)
  1. the cameraman’s second “yeah” is pure gold

  2. My dream is to be present for one of these ridiculous public proposals and to have to lady reject the dude so I can start a “She said no!” chant.

    • True story: I was at a White Sox game a couple years ago in the Scout Seats, which are behind home plate and all-inclusive. The game was delayed for about two hours, and it was cold and rainy April day in Chicago. So by the seventh inning, there were about 200 people left in the stadium. On the jumbotron, they flash all sorts of messages between innings (happy birthday, anniversary, etc.). So up comes a “Will you marry me” message, and my friend and I start joking that there was almost no way the girl was still there given the conditions, and joking about what the guy had to have gone through to get his girlfriend to stick it out without giving away the surprise. As we’re merrily joking along and making fun of this couple, we start to hear applause, and it turns out the couple was seated right behind us the whole time. I would have bought them a couple beers if a) we actually had to pay for beers in those seats, and b) they hadn’t stopped selling in the third inning.

      So that’s my brush with public marriage proposals.

  3. Aubrey Plaza looks different, and I don’t think she’d like a public proposal

  4. I’d like to see Matt Lauer propose to Ann Curry on air just to fuck with head some more. I’m a bad person.

  5. Have you guys seen those awful commercials where guys propose to their girlfriends in a Kay Jewelry store and airplane, respectively? They’re jewelry commercials which are, of course, the worst this time of year. So which is a worse place to be proposed to: Kay Jewelry store probably in a mall during the Christmas season or on an airplane also during the Christmas season (with the flight attendant announcing it right after)?

    • Mall store is worse. At least on an airplane you don’t have to make eye contact with other passengers, and you might get free booze.

    • HAHA YES! The Kay Jewelry store one was on the other day, and my fiance and I laughed about it. My favorite one, though, was from a couple years ago – a woman is sleeping in bed, and her partner slips in behind her and puts a diamond necklace on her neck, trying not to wake her up. She opens her eyes and looks at it and smiles, pretending to be asleep. WHAT?

      We also discussed the proliferation of car ads around the holidays. Like, who’s buying a car as a holiday gift and like, making sure it’s a surprise?

      • ME!!! I bought myself a car a few years ago, mostly because I had to. Then I bought an obnoxious giant bow to put on it and pretended I was in some terrible commercial… specifically those of the suburban mom looking out her window to see that her husband *did* get her that Lexus after all! variety. I did it every year until the bow disintegrated.

      • In my sales class we were taught it was a way to trick people into buying a) older models or b) advertise the newer models that came out this time of year. I’m not exactly sure if it’s a and/or b because I zone out whenever my professor mentions cars.

        Also, I hate Kay commercials. I’m really specific when it comes to jewelry especially rings so I image the woman is me and that she yells at the husband afterward and because Pandora bracelets look like the adult equivalent of a macaroni bracelet. I don’t care that he went to Jared.

        I hate rings, and every woman I tell is like, Oh when you get married you’ll change your opinion. And I’m like Don’t tell me how I’m going to feel, and IF I get married (not WHEN), my husband/fiance would know me well enough to get me something free-form (for me, rings are the handcuffs of the fingers) and [in my head] I hope you get so fat you’ll have to get your ring resized nine times.

        • Thank you, fellow woman (right?), for expressing your distaste for rings. I thought I was the only one. They are so gross. When the ring flies up in the air and lands on Frodo’s stubby finger, it’s the worst.

          • Yes, I am a woman. Flanny, it is good to see I’m not the only one. I only wearing earrings and necklaces, but once I wear a necklace, I wear the same one for years and years and years.
            There is only 1 ring I’ve seen in my entire life that I said was so beautiful that I would buy it. The most beautiful version is the pale sapphire, but right now they’re all sold out. However, I would never wear it because rings are totally uncomfortable. The only solution to future jewelry gifts from a significant other is wear it on a chain unless my imaginary, future fiance got me a really pretty American version of a mangal sutra (wedding necklace). You hear me, Astronaut Mike Dexter?!

          • The Mangal Sutra is the Hindu equivalent of a wedding ring. South Indians call it “thali”. My mom’s is solid gold and weighs approximately 1kg. She whips it out during auspicious occasions and weddings, although technically, you’re supposed to wear it all the time.

    • I would say airplane, because if the answer is no then the rest of that flight is going to be SUPER uncomfortable.

  6. I know you think you’re here because I respect you professionally, but JK I just wanted to put you on the spot in your professional milieu.

    • This was my exact thought. “You thought you were being interviewed about your job, and that’s very cute – but I have a much more important question.” What a jerk!

      Also, Jeb, I keep trying to talk at you in the How Was Everyone’s Day Today? thread! Nothing important, just, I read May We Be Forgiven and I remembered (by googling “videogum may we be forgiven”) that you said you were reading it. I liked it! That is all.

  7. Airplane is worse because if the person says no, then you’re stuck sitting next to them and a bunch of embarrased strangers. If that happens at the mall, at least you can go get a slice at Sbarros

  8. Hey monsters!
    Did I ever tell you all about how I proposed?
    My girlfriend embarrasses easily, and had always made it clear that if I proposed in front of other people or all of our friends or via a flash mob or something like that she would immediately turn me down. I would joke about this a lot, sending her these flashmob engagement videos and everything and implying that I had a huge plan involving thousands of white stallions. We were both pretty open about us probably getting engaged at some time this year, but in late April it really felt like it was time (after 8 years together). So I found a really nice antique ring on etsy and started making plans. PRIVATE plans.
    The ladyfriend and I are members of the Brooklyn Botanic Garden, which is fairly close to our apartment, and we try to go there fairly often. I had gotten the ring from etsy (yeah, I went there) the week before, and was trying to figure out the right time to “pop the question,” and so I asked her if she’d rather go to the Botanic Garden or take the dog to Prospect Park and have a picnic. She chose the Botanic Garden, which I was pumped about, because of privacy, and even though it was sort of drizzling off and on it was a really beautiful day, and – while we were waiting out a little downpour – we saw a pair of sparrows, with the male feeding the pregnant female, which seemed apropos. The entire time I kept looking for the perfect place to propose, and as we started to head back near the front, I decided to drop the question in front of this amazing field of bluebonnets that only blooms for like one month out of the year. But then that seemed really thematically sketchy, and – as we got close – there was an entire tour group taking photographs in front of it.
    So that was a bust – but immediately off of the bluebonnet field is the Brooklyn Celebrity Path, which features paving stones with the names of Brooklyn-born celebrities. I figured it would definitely be more private, and so I quickly detoured us up the path.
    Once I felt like we were alone enough, I turned to Kristin and told her that I had been thinking a lot about my life – about what I was doing and what I wanted to do in the future 5, 10 or 20 years down the road. But the one thing that had stayed constant in every one of my scenerios was that we were still together. And it made me realize that being with her was the most important thing in my life, no matter what else I did.
    This is when I noticed a spandex-clad jogger quickly moving towards us.
    I realized that I could either try and keep talking but not actively propose for a minute or so more, or I could just drop to one knee and let the chips fall where they may, and – since it would have been extremely awkward and weird if I had all of a sudden started talking about the different trees around us – I chose the latter. She began to cry and she said yes and the jogger jogged past behind me in the least obtrusive way possible. We hugged and kissed and it was really nice – and then, when we started to leave, she said, “Oh, find out whose stone you’re kneeling on, so we can find this spot again.”
    I looked down and saw this:


  9. “Public Proposals killed my mother!! And raped my father!!” – Gabe

    Geez man, I’m with you in that public proposals aren’t my thing…but if someone wants to put themselves out there like that, more power to them. As obnoxious as it is..it’s still someone trying to find a way to show how much they love someone and want to spend the rest of their life with them!! I’ll give a ton of leeway in the name of acheiving that goal.

    Besides, have you watched the news lately?!? There are a million (literally!! LITERALLY!) things worse about news programs these days than some schmoe proposing during his job.

    Okay I’m done. #teamlove signing off.

    • I mean, I’m not surpised by the downvotes, but I still think this is an awful lot of static to give a pretty nervous looking guy for performing a pretty straightforward proposal…on local tv.

  10. must be nice to be straight and be able to propose anywhere. – bitter party of one

  11. “Blah blah blah I’m a miserable jerk who enjoys misery and hates happy people and I’m definitely going to die alone probably.” me or Gabe, you be the judge.

  12. Well he’s going to stay in that market for awhile… no larger station would hire him after this kind of crap. What an asshole.

    • He probably would have asked and cleared this with his boss beforehand, no?

      • Even if he did, you don’t do this kind of stuff when you’re starting out. Being weird like that rad weather guy at some low-level station in Michigan… sure. But a weird low budget news proposal? When you’re still putting together a reel that doesn’t make you look like a high school kid reading off a teleprompter in a suit? No way. Also, what a romantic place to get engaged?? Honestly, that’s a hideous set. And a hideous stunt. He definitely did this so it would go viral and maybe people would ask to see his reel… and that irks me because this is super unprofessional.

        So, in summary, what Gabe already wrote.

        • Yeah, by doing this on the news he practically forced the whole viewing area to participate.

        • Hahaha, oh boy. The bar for shock and horror is pretty low if we’re going to call this “hideous”. This isn’t a guy pretending to have been in a horrible accident then SURPRISE will you marry me!?! It was a boring, straightforward proposal that I think the 200 people that watch the local news in central Illinois have probably already forgotten. Watch the clip on youtube and look at how many similar clips there are of reporters doing the exact same thing! If there’s anything wrong with this, it’s how mundane the idea is.

          I dunno, maybe there’s some proposal etiquette guide or reporter professionalism code out there that I haven’t read, but the outrage over this video seems a bit much to me. Sorry.

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