MTV

Zigga zigga ahh, you pogs!

What is up? Today I want to rap at the wicked cool broheims who study hard and respect their teachers and the super chill skate bettys who like Parks and Recreation but wish the show didn’t use female empowerment as a comedic backdrop. You’re probably looking at me and thinking “Who is this old grandpa and how did he log on to WebTV? I’m going to go SEXT my bff with beneffits on this Samsung Galaxy.” Hold on a second! Before you send that SEXT you better read this. Second of all, I don’t use WebTV, not anymore. And third of all, Yahoo Serious, I am not a grandpa because you have to have kids in the first place maybe you need to hit the books ROTFL. Besides, u guyz should really stop automatically making fun of peeps 3 their age and face and web-connection becuz then they won’t Facebook friend you and you’ll never hear about the cool new blogz. And then the joke is on you! I’m not a chicken, you are a turkey ROTFL. Anyway, today I wanted to let you know about a cool new MTV blog called MTVInsights. It’s everything you need to know about Millennials, which is your grandparents’ generation.

Check out this cool as heck shiztuff:

In addition to a pretty sweet glossary of all the new Millennial slang, which will keep all the swole white girl wasted’s Muploads so fresh and so clean while you’re hangin on the flippity flop, they’ve got lots of other hella neat stuff. Like this illustrated guide to some of the different kinds of millennials:

75 percent of millennials agree that you have got to have a side hustle! NO JOKE, THOUGH, GET ON THAT GRIND, LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS. #cream #crisphoodies #sofresh

The new blog also has a great infographic about “Alt Kids” vs “Honors Kids.”

Now you know. Before you didn’t know, but now you know. Also good drawings. Those skinny-ass Crayola markers are dope.

Guys, there is so much cool stuff on here, I don’t even want to bore you anymore with all this hot gas I’m blowing. The best part? It’s on Tumblr so U know it IZ strictly 4 kids by kids (with some help from underpaid adults). This is TOTES worth some of your allotted 2 hours of Internet free time before your mom unplugs the computer and makes you spend time with the family. Ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out! But also eat more fruits and vegetables and get outside sometimes. YOLOLOLOLOLOL. (Via BuzzFeed.)

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Comments (50)
  1. Slashitude Steve is not taking very good care of his records.

  2. Sometimes I start conversations IRL with “SUP, POGS?!” and then I remember that not everyone reads videogames but I refuse to apologize or explain because WHATEVER, MOM.

  3. Videogames?! Videogum.

    UGH, MOM, I’LL TYPE WHAT I WANT.

  4. Am I a millennial? I think I am. But I don’t know what any of these slang words are! What is Nouveau Honors? I feel so disconnected from my brethren :(

  5. I give Buzzfeed talking down to MTVInsights 7 FAILS, 2 WTFs, an EW, and a NOM NOM.

  6. Thank god. This should assuage the anxiety I’ve been experiencing due to the fact that there are only three episodes of Jersey Shore left.

  7. Who’s cuter, do you think, between Math Team or Artist? This could affect my e-prom

  8. Is this, um, is this MTV’s updating of “The Hipster Handbook” or something? Please tell me it’s ironic, because if it isn’t… gah.

  9. Gabe, you nailed this one.

  10. What is a derater? Or does that say debater? If it’s debater, are there still actually debate clubs? I’m so confused.

  11. As a spokesman for Gen X, I would respectfully request that all the millenials please GET THE FUCK BACK TO WORK.

  12. ‘Some of our panelists have told us they will send selfies to their friends if they have nothing else to talk about.’

    I would be happier if someone caught me giving myself a selfie (or selfieing myself) than sending a selfie to someone else because we had nothing to do. #sentencestructure

  13. I thought being a millenial was just about not having a job because of your useless liberal arts degree, but saying you’re “an artist”. Am I doing this right?

  14. Mupload: Puppet poop.
    White Girl Wasted: Christina Hendricks in Life As We Know It
    #Boom: Sailor Twitter slang.
    Selfie: Don’t be gross, you KNOW what it means.

  15. When Yahoo Serious’s ‘Young Einstein’ came out I was 7 years old and thought the movie was a biopic chronicling the early adventures of a certain theoretical theorist.

    It was seriously my first frame of reference for Einstein, other than knowing the name and seeing parodied things in WB cartoons. Later, I realized this movie was not about Albert Einstein, and that it was in fact a buffoon who on his best day could not match the chipper-idiot-intensity of your Ernest P. Worells or even your Buddy Lembecks.

    Putting the ‘bubbles back into beer.’ PSSHHH.

  16. Now that I know that I can email my tweets, I don’t even need the Internet anymore!

  17. I like that the rich kids in that breakdown are as far away from the hipsters as possible. Sure, there is zero overlap between rich kids and hipsters living in expensive zip codes while they barista their pottery careers.

  18. “This club has everything: Nouveau Honors, Deraters, A.T. Kids…”

  19. As someone who works in marketing/consumer research/design stuff, I know a lot of clients that would love this and take this very seriously. And it hurts my heart.

    “Millennials like you and I have a bit of a problem on our hands.” Silly mtvinsights, your audience is 55 year-old marketing execs, not actual millenials. Also, fuck the title “millenials.”

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