Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hey kelly
Gabe: how are you?
Kelly: Fine! How are you?
Kelly: Still shaken from the crime you witnessed?
Gabe: i’m somehow managing to keep it together
Gabe: i’ve got a lot of inner strength
Gabe: but also it was very shitty
Gabe: of that stupid woman
Gabe: but i think she will get caught
Gabe: so that is good
Kelly: That is good.
Gabe: it’s hard to drive around
Gabe: in a completely smashed truck
Gabe: with smoke pouring out of it
Gabe: i think? or maybe everyone is too JADED now
Gabe: because it’s the 90s

Kelly: Hahah maybe
Kelly: It at least might be a hard thing to ignore
Kelly: If you are a police officer
Kelly: And it matches the description of the truck you’re looking for
Gabe: “you’re not the truck that smashed into someone five minutes ago are you?”
Gabe: “no sir, this truck has always been like this”
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: “Oh, this? I know, I’ve been meaning to get it fixed.”
Kelly: “Thanks officer”
Gabe: “well, i’ll just be on my way!”
Kelly: At the very least I hope she reads Videogum.
Gabe: she’s going to be very embarrased
Gabe: at this week’s monsters’ ball
Gabe: when her comment “that was me!” gets lowest rated
Kelly: hahahaaaaaa
Kelly: Speaking of very embarrassed, did you read about the Twilight fan who is marrying the cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen for her masters thesis
Kelly: I am very embarrassed
Kelly: That I did not nail down that cutout first
Gabe: hahahaha
Gabe: well, you aren’t an artist
Kelly: That’s true
Gabe: i love that she is raising money for this
Gabe: great cause
Gabe: is all of the damage from hurricane sandy repaired? ok good
Gabe: let’s give this fucking dumb dumb some money to marry a cardboard edward cullen because of Las Vegas

Kelly: Hahaha
Kelly: I honestly don’t understand what the message is
Kelly: Which might be on me
Kelly: But I thought at first it was about how Edward Cullen was a fantasy that could never be attained
Kelly: Which is so true
Kelly: But then also
Kelly: It’s about how “female fandom gets dismissed”
Kelly: which is, I don’t know, what?
Kelly: What is this art.
Gabe: well, what is any art
Gabe: but also
Gabe: if you want to make the argument that female fandom gets dismissed
Gabe: whatever that argument even means
Gabe: i would not start with twilight
Gabe: i feel like twilight is the footnote to your argument
Gabe: where you have to “admittedly, it is not always dismissed, as in the case of this case.”
Gabe: *I know how to write smart*
Kelly: Hahah yes right
Gabe: also, i understand that edward cullen is a fantasy that can never be attained
Gabe: but also isn’t that basically ALL FICTION?
Gabe: it’s all made up, does she know that?
Gabe: she should marry a cardboard cut out of The Berenstain Bears
Kelly: Hahah
Kelly: Especially fiction about things that literally do not exist
Kelly: No one will ever find the perfect vampire edward cullen to turn them into a vampire
Kelly: So they can have a baby and it marries a werewolf someday
Gabe: NO SPOILERS
Gabe: just kidding, twilight is itself a spoiler
Gabe: IN THAT IT RUINS EVERYTHING
Gabe: lololololol
Kelly: hahaha EWWWWWW lol

Gabe: here are a few things i don’t understand:
Kelly: 1. Math
Gabe: 1. why a cardboard cut out
Gabe: 2. why marriage
Gabe: 3. how is that art
Gabe: 4. what is this
Gabe: 5. why are we talking about it
Gabe: 6. who is president
Gabe: 7. how many fingers are you holding up
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: I would like to add
Kelly: 8. What is she raising money for?
Kelly: 9. She says she is planning a honeymoon. Is she going to GO ON the honeymoon?
Gabe: oh yeah
Gabe: why does she need money?
Kelly: What is this quote about: “A few of my ex-boyfriends found out and they’re surprised I’m taking things this far, but they’ve always known I’m a massive romantic”?
Kelly: “Well, I am surprised you’re marrying a cardboard cutout for school, but you have always been a massive romantic.” -ex-boyfriends
Gabe: “i like long walks on the beach and marrying card board cut outs for art class.”
Gabe: a few of her ex-boyfriends found out
Gabe: but some of them are in for a big surprise
Gabe: although not that big, since she has always been a massive romantic
Gabe: doesn’t she mean hopeless romantic?
Gabe: she should go back to WORDS SCHOOL
Kelly: YEAH!
Kelly: And marry a cardboard cutout of the DICTIONARY
Gabe: hahaha

Kelly: “It’s a beautiful, escapist fantasy, and I’m living it”
Kelly: whaaaaat are you taaaaalking abooouuuut!
Gabe: i feel like this is actually an art instillation
Gabe: about confusion and stupidity
Gabe: and she is getting an A+
Kelly: Maybe it’s an art installation about how blogs react to certain types of stories and this is just blog bait and now we’re a part of the art
Kelly: :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/
Gabe: maybe i am an artist and i have been using you for my art the whole time like in that neil labute play and now i am a thesis
Kelly: !!!!!!!! :( :( :( :( :( :(
Kelly: NOW I’LL NEVER KNOW IF ANYTHING ISN’T ART
Gabe: life is art, kelly, grab it with both hands
Gabe: my piece is titled “You’re Fired” (mixed media, 2008-2014)
Kelly: :( it’s beautiful.
Kelly: Well, you know, I think the real triumph of Lauren Adkins project is that she’s got us talking about art.
Gabe: hate her or hate her
Gabe: she’s getting a reaction
Gabe: of confused and annoyed mild-hatred
Gabe: that’s all an artist can hope for
Kelly: Mmhm
Gabe: that and fulfilling their kickstarter goals

Comments (44)
  1. unbelievable! next thing you know, these cardboard cut outs are going to start wanting to marry each other.

  2. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  3. If you’re going to marry something 2-dimentional from Twilight, why not go for actual Kristen Stewart.

  4. So, at first I was like ‘Oh. It’s a statement about gay marriage because she can marry a cardboard cutout but two dudes or two ladies can’t” Then i read the article and I was like “what are you even saying?”

    • Ha, the quote from that girl’s professor/advisor makes even LESS sense than everything said by the 24-year-old, who at least makes zero sense.

      • I love that NASCAR was the male fandom equivalent. Not Star Wars or Star Trek or anything that would actually feasibly work in a side-by-side comparison narrative on fandom and pop culture… but NASCAR.

        Get out of your ivory towers, UNLV profs!!!

        • Also she seems to be under the impression that NASCAR fans are widely revered?

          To be fair, I think the UNLV towers are just resin.

  5. That lady that married the Eiffel Tower just slapped her head super hard

    • Especially because she could have married the Paris casino and taken half the profits every year.*

      *This is why you would marry a casino, right? My husband, Gamblor, says yes.

  6. Obviously she was raising money for the Bed, Bath & Beyond Twilight engagement ring.

  7. Is she going to GO ON the honeymoon?

    She’s gonna’ go on a honey New Moon!

  8. Wait wait wait. We can be weird as fuck so long as it’s art? Ok, I need a roll of bubble wrap, a paper mache turkey, three and a half pounds of big league chew, and James McAvoy’s phone number, stat. It’s time to art it up.

  9. This is why people hate MFA students. And why I stay as far away as possible from the art building.

  10. I didn’t read the article because this chat is 100% perfect on its own without any context and because I’m already annoyed at the premise and don’t need to further that annoyance, BUT can anyone please tell me if she thinks she can actually marry a cardboard cutout, like in an actual legal wedding ceremony? Because last I checked, cardboard cutouts cannot consent to anything or sign any contracts as they don’t have personhood. Which is why the slippery slope “we’ll all be marrying our toasters” argument is such utter nonsense.

    • But–but I was going to marry a toaster. And examine it through the lens of Taylor Dane lyrics and newsreels from September 1939. In a Chi-Chi’s. You guys, it was going to be my meta-critique of the taking for granted of appliances in post-late capitalism during wartime. FUND MY KICKSTART. EQUAL RIGHTS FOR TOAST NOW.

    • It’s cool as long as it’s not a dude marrying a dude cutout.

  11. I hope they can at least go on dates with the “real” Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

  12. I thought I married a cardboard cutout of Kristen Stewart, turned out it was the real Kristen Stewart

  13. something something kelly, something something cardboard cutout of aaron paul.

  14. I had a friend who wrote a great paper about how Edward Cullen exhibited a high percentage of the signs of abusive husbands (overly protective, won’t let you out of their sight, that kind of thing…I forget the list). Anyway, that was a really smart paper and she got a lot of crap because people were like, “no but I LOVE him!”

    Also she could’ve written a paper about the fantasy of love vs. reality without actually marrying the cardboard cutout. I once wrote a paper about The Bachelor tv series and the construction of cultural ideas of love/romance but I didn’t have to actually go on The Bachelor to prove my point.

  15. Having read the article I think I get the premise of her art thing.

    Las Vegas, marriage and the idea of true love are all sort of fantasies, in the same way as Edward Cullen is a fantasy. It’s sort of “the idea of marrying the perfect man is as crazy as the idea of getting rich in Vegas, or marrying a vampire”. In this case the cardboard standee is a … stand in … for any kind of perfect man/true love/soul mate idea.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.