gabe: demi moore saved a woman’s life using twitter
gabe: “saved”
gabe: obviously, i am glad that woman is OK
gabe: but i hope that when she is being examined by psychologists
gabe: in the hospital
gabe: that they get to the root of why she turned to demi moore in her hour of need
lindsay: demi moore is not who I would turn to.
lindsay: she could have turned to diddy
gabe: demi moore isn’t even who demi moore’s kids would turn to
lindsay: or lily allen
lindsay: there are a multitude of twitter celebrities should could have turned to

gabe: yeah, i would totally turn to diddy
lindsay: diddy cares
gabe: he does
lindsay: the weird thing is that demi and ashton are publicizing it
gabe: i would be concerned that if i twittered demi moore
gabe: in my hour of need
lindsay: when there’s no reason to
gabe: ashton would somehow be logged into her account
lindsay: just call the police and be quiet about it
gabe: so i would be inadvertently turning to ashton in my hour of need
lindsay: they also made it sound like it was random, like this woman wasn’t targeting demi moore.
gabe: right
gabe: it just happened
gabe: the magic of technology
gabe: bringing people together
gabe: with demi moore
gabe: bringing sad people together with demi moore
gabe: that is Twitter’s motto
lindsay: like remember when tom cruise saved that person on that boat?
lindsay: that was random
lindsay: he wasn’t like “hey, it’s tom cruise, I’m going to capsize and see what he does!”
gabe: they seem like such jerks to me
gabe: that this makes them seem like worse jerks
lindsay: they live in a bubble
lindsay: I mean, duh
gabe: even though they supposedly saved a woman’s life
lindsay: but you or I might be just as bad
gabe: what?
gabe: if someone twitters me their suicide i will save them
gabe: and i will not even blog about it
lindsay: I just mean in general, we might be just as bad if we were famous or whatever they are
lindsay: I guess they’re famous.
gabe: no way
lindsay: but yeah, don’t broadcast it to the world demi moore
gabe: no amount of fame
gabe: could make me marry demi moore
lindsay: other people called the police too
lindsay: regular people
gabe: JUST AS THE EASIEST EXAMPLE
gabe: i like when demi moore twittered
gabe: that people should stop calling the police
gabe: because everything was under control
gabe: relax, demi moore
gabe: you’ve done your part
lindsay: Demi Moore has this one
lindsay: She’s on it
gabe: then again, to be fair to demi moore
gabe: i am really glad that it was actually her
gabe: this story would be so much sadder
gabe: if it was one of those fake celebrity twitters
gabe: that a suicidal woman reached out to
gabe: “help me, @mischa_barton

lindsay: hahahaha
lindsay: what if she reached out to someone really terrible
lindsay: like perez hilton
gabe: @joefrancis
gabe: how many people have died by their own hand under perez hilton’s twitter watch?
lindsay: sometimes I go to a person’s twitter page and all it is is them replying to famous people’s twitters. it’s sad.
lindsay: hahahahahah
lindsay: twittter watch
lindsay: each celebrity has to sign up
lindsay: for an hour a day
gabe: for the sake of the rest of us
gabe: we will twitter save us
gabe: and they will look up and twitter “no”
lindsay: demi moore should work for a suicide hotline
lindsay: “Life is worth living!”
gabe: she should work for a suicide message board
lindsay: “wait, is this…demi moore?”
lindsay: “oh my god! demi moore!”
gabe: “don’t do it — sent from my blackberry”
gabe: gross
gabe: i just went back to re-read the tory
gabe: and this is how it ends, on AP:
gabe: “Kutcher is one of a number of celebrities who use Twitter and one of its most active users. More than 677,000 people have signed on to receive his updates. Moore has around 383,500 followers.”
gabe: perfect
gabe: i am glad that made it’s way into the story
lindsay: I’m sure radaronline is trying to find the woman to get her to write a blog
gabe: the only thing worse than that
lindsay: she’s the new octomom
gabe: would have been to report on how many followers the woman who claimed she was going to kill herself had
lindsay: now EVERYONE is going to be threatening suicide at demi moore
lindsay: no followers
gabe: you know what
gabe: http://twitter.com/sandieguy
gabe: something tells me
gabe: she did not have 587 followers yesterday
gabe: excuse me
lindsay: oh man
lindsay: my first time reading this
gabe: but i have to go twitter my own suicide now

lindsay: um
lindsay: Going to be watching survivor soon…about 19 hours ago from web
lindsay: oh man
lindsay: don’t read this
gabe: i was reading it for awhile
gabe: but i stopped
gabe: because i killed myself
lindsay: ok
lindsay: if you did have an emotional crisis
lindsay: who would you turn to on twitter?
gabe: my first instinct is to say @iamdiddy

gabe: but i’m not actually sure about that
gabe: i feel like he wouldn’t put in the work
gabe: it would just be “you got to look 2 god let’s go y’all! only you can make this day great”
lindsay: I don’t really believe diddy cares about anyone but diddy.
gabe: i just think his platitudes would be useless if i was about to suicide myself
lindsay: diddy is probably jealous right now.
lindsay: “Why couldn’t it be me?”
gabe: no way
gabe: diddy may be self-centered and kind of retarded, but he’s not a monster
gabe: besides, he’s all about positivity in 2009
gabe: positivity and fried chicken taste tests
gabe: i would probably turn to @diablocody

gabe: i feel like my e-cry for iHelp
gabe: would appeal to her
gabe: she would think it was blogtastic
lindsay: Actually you’re going to hate this but I think she would probably sincerely care.
gabe: no, i do too
lindsay: She’s supposed to be a good person.
lindsay: hahaha
lindsay: “she’s supposed to be”
lindsay: “my sources tell me”
gabe: i’m looking for someone to help me, not write me a decent screenplay
gabe: so she would be fine at this
lindsay: she might throw in a free “ironic” lapdance!
gabe: she would send the Femtourage to my rescue
gabe: you would be like
gabe: “why isn’t @paul_rudd_and_jason_segel’s_baby hearing my cry for help?”
lindsay: hahahahaha
gabe: and then you would be dead.

Comments (24)
  1. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  2. out of all the twitter celebrities you debate turning to, not one mention of shaq? he knows what it’s like to be different…. to not be the same. he’s from twitteronia guys! HE CONNECTS.

  3. If we’re strictly talking about who I would turn to in a time when I’m lost all hope, I would Twitter @barackobama, or alternatively, @thewherethewildthingsaretrailer.

  4. Dang it, I need to stop reading the fights at work. It is embarrassing to laugh out loud here.

    I would probably Twitter @colinmeloy, as he seems like an empathetic fellow. Or @rainnwilson or @stephenfry, since they’re on Twitter pretty frequently. Reliability counts.

  5. My choice: @johnyourbodyisawonderlandjenmayer

  6. blah  |   Posted on Apr 3rd, 2009 +3

    @tommywiseau

  7. I would Twitter someone lame, like Johnny Fairplay because they’d benefit the most from saving my life, so they’d be more likely to try. Shaq’s the King of Twitteronia, but does he really care about me?

  8. Alright, I’m going to call it what it is: two egos feeding off each other.
    There is no hero in this story.
    REAL TWEET

  9. i would choose a pornstar

  10. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  11. you know it  |   Posted on Apr 4th, 2009 -4

    >>Da Cake Eatur
    >>An American Patriot

    samefag

  12. I had a theory that Da Cake Eatur was Gabe…but it seems too right to be right.

  13. hopeleslie  |   Posted on Apr 5th, 2009 +8

    sandieguy’s recent twitter: “Oh and please see every Kutcher movie in the world at least three times. I pledge to help others as you have all helped me. Thanks isnt enuf”

    but “Just Married” made me WANT to kill myself, so…..? :(
    Vicious circle.

  14. American Patriot and Da Cake Eatur are like the Andy Kaufmans of Videogum…I think, or at least I hope.

  15. Does Gary Busey Twitter? I would definitely turn to him in my hour of need. He wouldn’t foist me off on 911, he’d save me all by himself. My dramatically staged rescue would involve Psychic Angel Messages and the yelling of really long acronyms and some sort of ceremony in which I’d be slathered with Vick’s Vaporub. I bet he’d even wear a cape.
    Demi and her lame Emergency Services.

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