Here is a photo of David Hasselhoff dressed up as Santa Claus on a beach. According to the “article” about this photo, it was 30 degrees outside, but Hasselhoff was a total pro! Look at him grinning with the good holiday cheer! (Although I would so much rather see the photoset where David Hasselhoff is dressed as Santa Claus on a beach and looking so angry the whole time.) It’s hard to tell who this is appealing to, or what the idea is behind it. Like, are we making fun of David Hasselhoff? Because 150 years ago he had a TV show that often took place on a beach? Or is this a celebration of David Hasslehoff? Are we enjoying Christmas or is Christmas stupid? You would think that irony and sarcasm would appeal more to a younger audience, but do the kids even know about this guy? Outside of that one depressing YouTube I have never even watched because life is short and we all have to make choices? If that’s their only reference point, then maybe Santa should have a reindeerburger in his mouth? These are all great and important questions and I definitely expect answers. And captions. Mostly captions, actually.

The winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. Something something stocking stuffer reference something something you earned it.

Comments (39)
  1. Does the sleigh talk?

  2. Merry KITT-mas!…wait, no, never mind.

  3. Sleigh Watch

  4. This had better be the cover image for his Christmas single, “Jump in my Sleigh”

  5. There is a Nikon Coolpix sign on the front of that sleigh… If Hasselhoff is the new Nikon spokesman, does this mean we don’t have to see commercials with Ashton Kutcher taking pictures of pretty girls at parties anymore?

  6. “Tell me you are going to stop, tell me you are going to stop” – David Hasselhoff’s daughter, still.

  7. whatever is going on here, it plays better in Germany.

  8. What are those wreaths made of?!? Reindeer fur?

  9. Twas the Baywatch Nights Before Christmas, not a creature was stirring all down the beach, except a camera company’s photo op starring a washed up leech….

  10. “What would you like for Christmas, little girl? More sand you say?”

  11. This is pretty much how all my nightmares start.

  12. O’ Buchannonbaum,
    Mitch Buchannonbum,
    Du kannst mir sehr gefallen!
    Wie oft hat schon zur Winterzeit
    Ein Buchannonbaum von dir mich hoch erfreut!
    O Buchannonbaum, Mitch Buchannonbaum,
    Du kannst mir sehr gefallen!

    • See, I took the German lyrics to Oh Christmas Tree (O’ Tannenbaum), and changed Tannenbaum to Buchannonbaum, which was Hasselhoff’s character’s name on Baywatch! OH MY BRAIN HAS MANY WRINKLES

  13. Even the reindeer look like they’re thinking “What the fuck are we doing here?”

  14. I hope there’s a lot of cheeseburgers in those presents.

  15. The wreaths on the side and front look like poops.

  16. My grandfather was from Germany, and so when I was on study abroad there, I spent the holidays with my mother’s cousin’s family near Munich. Her kids are right around my age, and when we were getting the house decorated, they decided to get out their mom’s old German Christmas records to play. Well, in the pile of records was a David Hasselhoff Christmas album, and the kids were so traumatized and embarrassed. They were all like, “Moooooooom!” and rolled their eyes. And their mom was like, “What, he’s handsome!” We did not play that album that day.
    Similarly, when we visited them when I was in elementary school in the 80s, I have a very distinct memory of watching a dubbed-over episode of “Knight Rider.” Sometimes stereotypes are true!!!
    (“I’ve been to Europe.”–Flanny)

  17. David would be more than happy to take over the ‘red-nosed’ mantle.

  18. Krampusnacht has really sold out this year. In my day, it was all about the kids…

    • I’m gonna tell you, everybody should teach their kids about Krampusz. One of my fondest memories was when my church (when it was still open) had a special reception downstairs. We had Mikulás (Hungarian, old-timey St. Nick) ask us if we were good. Then we got a chocolate Santa, an orange, and walnuts (maybe even an apple, but I was like 7 or 8 at the time, so sue me). Then afterward Krampusz (an old lady in our church dressed in black with a black ski mask) walked around the area whipping chains. My favorite part of this memory was when my cousin (who was a total hellraiser as a kid) lied to Mikulás about being a good boy. I whispered to my sister like “Oooh he lied to Mikulás; Krampusz is gonna get him!” (partly fearful but mostly glad because he was pretty out of control as a kid. You know a kid is messed up when a slightly older kid says this stuff behind his back in the presence of Hungarian Santa).

      Krampusz’s job is to beat the tar out of you when you’re bad. Mikulás shows up to pretty much only reward/motivate good kids…and to make sure Krampusz beats you but not enough to kill you. Growing up, I always thought it was funny in America that Santa “punishes” bad kids with coal of all things.

      As an adult, I believe every American adult should spread the word to children that the guy who sees you when you’re sleeping has a guy who can make your life miserable. The Christmas Mafia.

  19. How do you think to put Hasselhoff in Santa SHORTS yet miss the opportunity to have women in red bathing suits pulling the sleigh? Someone needs to be fired.

  20. Hooked on a feeling. I’m high on believing, that this isn’t embarasiiiiiing!

    It’s funny because he sang that song once.

  21. Save a Santa, ride a has-been.

  22. Thigh doubles as a lifesaving buoy. Both are orange. Both are dented by the “Sea of Time”

  23. Kids knew something was different when he kept yelling “Hoff hoff hoff!” Middle-aged women seemed excited, though. David Hasselhoff was real after all.

  24. Too Late

  25. oh holy knight rider

  26. As a German – are you telling me that Hasselhoff ISN’T Santa?!

  27. If you asked for a cheeseburger this Christmas, I have some bad news.

  28. Dear Republicans: Global warming is real!

  29. “When David Hasselhoff propositioned me with the idea of photographing him sitting in a zany-sized sleigh wearing a Baywatch-altered Santa suit, I thought to myself, you know, this could make for a funny movie.” — Adam Sandler

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