1. Either drive or walk to the nearest grocery store.
2. When entering the grocery store hesitate for a moment — should you get a big shopping cart or just one of the little ones that you carry? Well, that depends. How much food are you going to buy? Go over your shopping list. Try to imagine each of the items fitting into one of the small shopping carts. Are they spilling out? If so, go for the, wheeled larger cart.
3. Familiarize yourself with the layout of the grocery store. Have you been here before? If so, you might already have a route in mind. That’s great! If not, start at the produce aisle and make your way, snaking through each of the aisles that hold something you want (you might want to skip the pet food aisle if you don’t have a pet, for example) to the frozen food section.
4. While at the produce aisle find corn. If you can’t find corn, think: Is it not corn season? Does it have to be “corn season” to find corn? I swear to god they always have corn here when I don’t fucking want it, and now that I do want it I can’t fucking find it? Seriously?
5. Oops, find the corn.
6. Pay for your groceries using the self-checkout, to prove that you can.
7. Take your corn home and prepare it for eating. You may want to boil it for however long it takes to boil corn (10 mins – 1 hour?) or, if possible, you may throw it onto a grill. Either way is acceptable.

8. Eat the ear of corn in 10 seconds.

Fun fun fuuun! (Via Neatorama.)

Comments (24)
  1. I AM FROM IOWA DON’T TELL ME HOW TO EAT MY CORN!

  2. He is going to be picking kernels from his teeth for the next 40 years.

  3. After Celine dion and cirque du soleil, here comes the newest export from french canadia !! I am so proud i could cry….

  4. I can’t even stand to watch people eating corn on the cob in normal, human speed. I’m sure not going to watch this guy perform dangerous corn stunts with all the slurping, tearing, gnashing, and spurting that goes along with corn at any speed, but especially with corn at super speed.

    Also I’m always paranoid that eating corn on the cob is going to pull out one of my teeth (I have a lot of really rational fears) so this is, like, actual nightmare time.

    • I have the tooth thing, too. As a kid I got a huge hole in my tooth from one of those Boston baked bean peanuts and lost another (granted it was already loose) on a giant tootsie role I got as a present for some reason. Like I bit it and looked at the candy and saw my tooth was stuck to it.
      I’d be more worried that halfway through the corn would break apart and he’d end up drilling into his teeth or something.

    • Oh you GUYS. My teeth have such a tortured history. I have four fake teeth right now, all implants, three of which replaced tiny teeth that wouldn’t grow because they were fused to my jawbone. I had one surgery to remove those teeth (CRUNCH CRUNCH CRRRUNCH) and a separate surgery in which I had the implants drilled into my head. Before the surgery, though, one of my missing teeth was the one right next to my front teeth on my left side, and I had a series of fake teeth glued there with heavy-duty bonding to the adjacent teeth. That bonding would crack on occasion, and since I was away at college for much of this time, I had periods of time when I didn’t have a tooth there, or where I used things like denture glue to try and hold the tooth in place.

      At the very end, I had a fake tooth that popped in and out, but that would fly out of my mouth if I so much as sneezed. I took this fake tooth out clubbing one night, and got very very sick at the club. I ended up puking it into the ashtray on top of a trashcan, and I was so blind drunk that I had to fish it out of the puke and ash without really being able to see.

      Also, between the ages of 15 and 21, I had braces twice, for a total of around four years. But that’s kid stuff. I now have recurring nightmares about losing my teeth. Had one just this morning.

  5. Just saying, that is not what’d I’d do with a drill and a big long piece of corn like that! ;)

  6. At like the 15 second mark, it looks less like corn and more like a whole lotta something else.

    • Hey now, people. Come on. It’s like the old saying goes:

      “Sometimes an ear of corn attached to an electronic drill with a quarter inch bit is just an ear of corn attached to an electronic drill with a quarter inch bit.”

      Don’t make this gross with your filthy minds.

      • I’m just saying, if you watch this or have someone accidentally view this from a distance, people will think things of you. Bad things.

  7. Just popping in to say that the smell of grilled corn is the worst.

    • Oh! You know how there are street fairs and everybody be grilling up some corns partially husked? They are the worst right before people who charge $3 for a cup “homemade” lemonade that is 75% ice cubes.

    • Also, having now viewed the video, I’m not sure “eat” is the right verb for what he’s doing here. “Eat” implies that at least some of the food went into, as opposed to on, his mouth.

  8. Tom Tykwer’s new film is weird.

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