“Leave it alone,” he (let’s say Daniel) said, after knocking over the bottle of some sort of alcohol onto the floor, the whole thing exploding into shards of glass and whatever kind of alcohol it was. Slowly his housekeeper knelt to the ground, discreetly trying to clean up the shards while Daniel’s back was turned. “I SAID LEAVE IT ALONE” — Daniel, the scientist, was upset. After years of trying to create a robot friend, one he could talk to and interact with exactly as if it were a human friend, he had just received the news that a rival scientist (let’s say Jessica) had already completed the task. “She doesn’t even NEED a robot friend,” he yelled, to no one in particular. “WHY DID SHE EVEN TRY?” The unfortunate truth is that Jessica definitely didn’t need a robot friend and was only trying to make the best robot friend in the world to make Daniel mad — she wasn’t even going to let anyone know how she made it. She didn’t want the fame. She just wanted Daniel to be hurt that he didn’t figure out how to make it first. “My life is incredibly sad,” cried Daniel, “All I want is a robot friend that mimics a human friend exactly, specifically one that I created before Jessica did. I’m so lonely.” As he sat alone in his parlor, crying to himself, his housekeeper walked in with something. “What is that, housekeeper?” asked Daniel. “It’s…a robot friend, Dr. Daniel.” “I told you, housekeeper, please just call me doctor.” “Ok, doctor. Well, it’s a robot friend. Would you like to meet it?”

The housekeeper was a scientist as well, it turns out, and a better one than Daniel. Actually, let’s say, as it turns out…the housekeeper was actually Jessica in a wig! And the robot — who was not nearly as human-y as Daniel would have liked, if he could be honest for a moment — and Daniel played catch forever, until Daniel died and turned to dust. The robot lived on forever, but never found a friend like the one it had in Daniel. The End. (Via Mashable.)

Comments (8)
  1. Sure, but how does that robot make nachos?

  2. Why can’t Daniel and Jessica just be real life human friends?? Forget the robots, guys! You’re clearly meant for each other!

  3. Disney Research Pittsburgh… Not sure those 3 words make sense together…

    • Can someone please create a Carnegie-Mellon / Disney pun out of this? kthxbai.

      But also: They developed Herbie the Love Bug waaaay before Google had those self-driving cars.

    • Fun fact: Alcide went to Carnegie Mellon.

      It’s a fun fact because it reminds me of Alcide… who, incidentally, was very funny on How I Met Your Mother last night.

  4. That robot has a great head of hair.

  5. This is how the robot uprising starts. They lore us in with an innocent game of catch. The next thing you know, they’re hurling grenades at us.

  6. We’re having a real catch aren’t we pa? I am not your pa, you are a robot and I don’t trust you

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