I have a hard time believing any suggestion that the world was ever any better than it is right now. Worse, maybe. What with all of the, you know, institutionalized racism and sexism and anti-Semitism and homophobia combined with the rudimentary understanding of human health and the non-existant child labor laws and the complete lack of IMAX or DirectTV. But better? No. People have always been stupid. The world has always been cruel. It has never been anything but hard out there for a shrimp. That being said, it does seem like we have entered into a slightly modified (I will not say whether it is better or worse) cultural climate in which everyone believes that they are entitled to incredible fame and wealth if for no other reason than that they kind of want it. That’s the funny part: a lot of these kids don’t even seem to want it THAT bad, they just seem to feel like if other people can have it, they might as well have it, and then once they have it they can decide if they like it or not. Your Justin Biebers and your Chloe Moretzes: they want it. The Rebecca Blacks just have nothing better to do. Which brings us to the newest addition to our Overexposed Teen Menagerie: Ryan Rox. It would seem Ryan wants to be the next Brokencyde, or at the very least, the next Lonely Island parody of youth culture. Check out his newest joint, “Lose Control”:

Eesh. DRINK A CUP OF COFFEE BEFORE YOU TURN THE CAMERA ON, RYAN! Also, I am not sure that you are allowed to say “I am Ryan Rox, but you probably already knew that,” when you yourself are fully aware that we definitely didn’t already know that. Just kidding, this is America. Congrats to the new celeb. I cannot wait to see pictures of him on Just Jared Jr. buying Starbucks and getting gas. We are the best ever and forever. (Thanks for the tip, Matt.)

Comments (22)
  1. I don’t know who this is, but Ryan Rox is a cool name for a musician because it is a name and a sentence.

  2. Whether or not you knew that I am Ryan Rox, it is perceived that you know that I am Ryan Rox.

    • To be fair, if you clicked on a video titled “Ryan Rox – Lose Control,” by the time he started “singing” you had probably already figured out that he was Ryan Rox.

      Also to be fair, that video is worse than Pearl Harbor (both the movie and the actual event).

  3. Doesn’t anybody have parents anymore???

  4. Who put a generic electronic beat over my nephew’s naggy voicemails?

  5. 1. Animal masks

    2. Jesus Saves T-shirt

    3. “I just wanna drink and dance, I just wanna take a chance”

    4. “Just do another line and you will be just fine”

    5. Higher production value than your allowance could ever allow for

    One of these things does not fit with the others.

  6. He aint no Krispy that is for damn sure

  7. Okay, anyone else read the headline as “Rex Ryan” and wondering who the heck got Videogum in my sports?

  8. You are welcome Videogum! I couldn’t keep the glory that is Ryan Rox hidden! HIS STORY HAD TO BE TOLD!

  9. is that kid doin poppers in this video?

  10. He doesn’t even look old enough to touch butts!

  11. You know I was ALLLLLL ready to post some long winded defense of this. Something about how we need more genderqueer people in public and how straight voices have been recently dominating the electronic music scene (Skrillex, Deadmau5) in a way that makes me uncomfortable because these artists superstitiously deny the queer roots of their genre.

    And then I heard the chorus and, like, YIKES.

  12. Ryan is 19 and the video was made pretty damn well if you ask me.

  13. Correction he is 20 (;

  14. BRING BACK T MILLS!

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