This week’s Goop is a holiday gift guide that includes a 24k “horn of plenty” iPhone speaker (649 POUNDS, of course) and your own stationary “spin class” bike (add to cart to see price). Great ideas! Get all of them for everyone!
Jesus, do we need any more reasons why people should stop acting like Apple is the cool indie hipster to Microsoft’s corporate overlord?
UGH! A new 24K iPhone Horn?! I just bought the “newest” generation 4 months ago.
i feel like the fact that GOOP is one letter away from being GOP should be a telltale sign of who this list is for
well, thanks videogum! my christmas shopping is done. 13 copies please.
How dare you, Richard Marx is a treasure! Also, I saw him in an airport once, and he was wee and his hair looked like a topiary.
one shouldered exercise top? ugh.
also it’s $75
“Don’t get hung up on the idea that your gift has to be expensive to be memorable: Fold 1,000 paper cranes for a friend who needs a wish, or give a brooch from your collection to someone who’s admired it.”
I’m having a hard time typing this because I’m throwing up over this sentence, but hey, why not just sit down and fold 1000 paper cranes as a gift? I’m guessing your friend who “needs a wish” (wtf does that mean? i’m guessing it’s cancer-related which makes this all the worse) needs more than a shit-ton of paper cranes. Also, nothing is more patronizing and obnoxious than, “Oh hey, I know you always like this thing I own, so you can have it. I’m done with it anyway.”
Okay, I have to defend the crane thing, because TECHNICALLY, tradition states that a person who folds 1000 paper cranes will get their heart’s desire. It never says that this is transferrable, and people conveniently ignore the fact that, by that point, your heart’s desire is to never have to fold a goddamn paper crane again.
This actually seems totally doable for someone like me who works a garbage job at a call center and has time to sit there folding paper all day, and enough stress that they’d want to give someone 1000 of these fuckers and try to keep a straight face so the person has to pretend to be grateful. Not me, but someone LIKE me. I tried to learn origami once. I ended up being pretty good, too; I made an entire wastebasket full of balls of paper.
True Story: I did that for a doctor that I worked with when he was out with appendicitis (It was very very very slow there and I had literally nothing else to do, and it was that or make more prank phone calls). Then I hid them in his office and piled a bunch in his inbox. He thought the first 15 were charming, and then got so irritated. It was pretty funny.
Unrelated, but I once filled a suggestion box with notes saying “get a bigger suggestion box.” I was quite proud of myself.
But what if we don’t want everything monogrammed with the names Apple & Moses?
Have you looked around lately? People don’t seem to have a problem paying extra money for shit just because it has the word “Apple” on it.
OF COURSE WHO DOESN’T NEED A $4000 BACKGAMMON SET??????
“Hey, I knew you loved backgammon, so I dropped 4 Gs on this thing.”
“wait, what? This was 4 grand?”
When a friend has a Christmas party, bring her breakfast for the next morning: a pretty tray, a loaf of good bread, some homemade butter and jam.
It might just be me and my pals, but oh man they would be so mad if I did this when I could instead of buying booze. Mostly because although I do have a butter churner (inheritance) I don’t think it would be a very good use of my time. Plus, booze. Booze is great.
You could also bring Vitamin B and sugar-free Gatorade and Rescue Remedy and Tums and saltines and electrolyte-filled water from Lourdes, which is known for having curative properties. Bread? Jam? Honestly, Paltrow. Step it up.
Yeah, Paltrow’s parties must be SUPER lame.
I call shenanigans! How can she abuse Goop’s journalistic integrity by including a product she endorses?
Umm, Chris? Calling shenanigans is kinda MY thing. I call shenanigans on you calling shenanigans.
I call shenanigans on you appropriating a common expression as your own.
If I had enough money to spend this much on presents, I would not need GOOP to tell me what to do with it!
“For the hipster in your life, a cool clutch or travel pouch…with a favorite novel plus tickets to a concert or a play tucked inside.”
I didn’t know a gift book was only acceptable as the container within another container for an expensive pair of tickets. (And reading is for hipsters, according to Gwyneth. Hahahaha.)
I was under the impression that gaudy contraptions like a golden horn of iPhone plenty were for [Boston Brahmin accent] the nouveau rich;, the kind of people who need to taught which one is the salad fork and not people like us, who know that one from birth, don’t you know. Haw haw, air kisses, Muffy! [/end Boston Brahmin accent].
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