For a very serious and, above all, real journalist, there is nothing quite as exciting as the moment right before you bust a totally major story WIDE open. “The calm before the shit storm” everyone calls it, I bet, so pleased with themselves. So you can imagine my excitement when reading this particular passage from a newly published account from two co-workers at the New Yorker, about visiting Guy Fieri’s already re-tooled, after the infamous Pete Wells review, Times Square restaurant:

H.G.: I was not a fan of these, either. They tasted fishy in an unappealing way. But one of my favorite moments of the meal was when the manager came over and told us that Guy had served these exact same oysters at Matthew McConaughey’s wedding.

A.L.: Yes, once we’d been told the rather charming backstory (that Guy biked to the wedding, presumably in Malibu, and when he arrived he asked Matthew what he could make and Matthew said “Nothing, it’s catered,” but he found some oysters and whipped this up) it was impossible not to imagine the two friends slurping these little caloric bombs together, in happier days for Matthew, before he turned gaunt for his next role in an independent movie.

“What’s so special about that?” you’re probably wondering. “So Guy Fieri rode a bike to Matthew McConaughey’s wedding and asked to make food for no reason, and Matthew McConaughey told him not to, but then he did it anyway, and now he tell the waiters at his restaurant to tell that story as if it is something that sounds fun and not weird? What’s the big deal?” OH, I DON’T KNOW. WHY DON’T YOU TELL US WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS, OTHER BLOG?

From The Braiser:

Today apparently is Bromance Wednesday, because while Matthew McConaughey‘s wedding may have been to his girlfriend of six years Camila Alves, he had his old friend, bongo buddy, and fellow sloth creature Guy Fieri cater the entire event.

US Magazine’s source said that Fieri catered the three-day event for 120 people in McConaughey’s backyard, with crawfish, brisket, and fried okra on the menu.

Oh yeah? He catered the whole thing? He didn’t just ride up on a bike and cook oysters that he “found”? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT, NY DAILY NEWS?

The McConaughey wedding, which took place this past weekend, was a particularly carnivorous affair in a nod to his bride Camila Alves’ Brazilian background. According to Entertainment Tonight Canada, the meal was catered by local Brazilian steak house Estancia Churrascaria, which served Brazilian steak, chicken wrapped in bacon and pork sausages and cheese bread to wedding guests.

Guy Fieri — not even mentioned by the NY Daily News! But if you keep digging a little, and reach the TM Daily Post

Food: After the ceremony, guests were served “rotisserie-style Brazilian meats” (catered by Austin’s own Estancia Churrascaria) and a variety of desserts (but no cake!) On Sunday, Guy Fieri cooked up a “hearty Southern menu” of “crawfish, brisket, and fried okra,” one guest told Us Weekly.

Cooked on “Sunday.” SO WHAT IS IT, MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY AND GUY FIERI? Did Fieri cater your whole wedding, McConaughey? Did he cook oysters he found that no one asked for or wanted? Did he cater whatever happened on Sunday? The world demands and deserves the truth about your private event.

We’ll be here, waiting, searching for more and more articles, which are surprisingly abundant, about the food that was served at your wedding that happened in June.

Comments (18)
  1. Did he cook oysters he found that no one asked for or wanted? This is just the saddest, most hilarious mental image ever.

  2. I hereby dub this scandal “Failure To Lunch”

  3. As a wedding gift, McConaughey asked if at least one of the dishes be “donkey sauce-free.”

  4. Obviously someone needs to contact Cake Boss and have him go into a Cake Trance to find out the answers to all of these very important questions.

  5. I keep getting older, the food stays terrible.

  6. Guy, do you have some oysters on you, man? ‘Cause it’d be a lot cooler if you did.

  7. Kelly, I would like more research please as literally all information about this is the best information. Also, if Matthew McConaughey is friends with Guy Fieri, does that mean he hangs out with the guy from Smashmouth and if so, was there an impromptu Smashmouth performance at the wedding or just like one karaoke song from a drunk uncle?

  8. J.k. lyin’.

  9. Why would you ever order oysters in time square

    • Way uptown, there’s a dude that sells ceviche out of a van. I guess it’s about having all the food poisoning but at only half the price.

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